tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-159212112024-03-08T03:39:54.119+08:00illuminate-thoughtsgive a freedom of thoughts, a flow of minds, a thread of everlasting honesty and trust, a bidding to do what's right, to decide what's right, and to know what's right...the mind is whole, grow the flame, let it burn, illuminate thoughts...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger121125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-19663004671561786342012-12-18T03:19:00.000+08:002012-12-18T03:19:08.920+08:00Confining the 4 tools of social interaction<b>The 4 tools for better social interaction </b><br />
In a couple of posts ago (might have been as long as a year back), I identified 4 tools for better social interaction: People profiling, expectation management, perception management and sincerity. They are tools which I do utilize on a daily basis, certainly not as mechanical as you could imagine, but they have somewhat, to a small extent, become part of who I am and how I function naturally. Initially, these so-called tools were intended for the corporate/professional environment where they might matter more, where sometimes a little mechanization is inevitable and necessary, in order to pave the way for desired outcomes. If I were to add a disclaimer to the tools, I'd advice not utilizing them in a social setting, especially amongst friends and family. I shall provide a short rationale for this, but I guess I might have to elaborate on this in another post in the future.<br />
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<b>The short rationale for the confinement of such tools</b><br />
If one should think about each of the 4 tools, there's a high likelihood that one would feel that they are actually quite natural for people to 'utilize' such so-called tools in their daily lives. However, these are usually kept in the background, passive rather than active. Most of us aren't really aware whenever we profile people, manage other people's perception of us, lower ours or other people's expectations of us, remind ourselves to be sincere. These are usually SUBCONSCIOUS thought processes. What I do propose with the utilization of the 4 tools is an ACTIVE utilization in the corporate/professional setting. This involves constantly assessing ourselves in situations where we are utilizing any 1 of the tools, planning ahead to ensure an effective usage of such tools etc.<br />
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As I have mentioned earlier, this becomes slightly mechanical, but in my opinion it seems okay for the corporate/professional setting where everything is slightly more mechanical in order to reap efficiencies and well, in order to constantly remain as polite as ever. However, bringing this back to a social setting, be it with friends or family might make them slightly uncomfortable or irked. They might not really know the root cause of why they are feeling that way, but they could possibly sense that it has got something to do with you. Upon some further analysis you might risk being called 'artificial', which is totally possible and well, true!<br />
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People like other people because they feel that can understand them. People like other people when they know that they are acting themselves, that they are actually themselves. People don't like people who put forward an artificial and pretentious front. People become uneasy around such people and keep away from them. In addition, not everyone wishes to be 'managed' all the time. People want to feel what they would feel if it was the real you NOT trying to manage them. <br />
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Therefore it is absolutely essential that the tools are confined to the working environment. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-45826277648741207292012-11-08T17:37:00.000+08:002012-11-08T17:37:47.141+08:00Burnt Out?Perhaps this is what one would call a burn-out?<br />
<ul>
<li>I know about the importance of value-adding to a project, but I can't seem to find anywhere to add any value to anything - in a sense I've somehow lost my sense of creativity? It somehow amounts to the fact that I'm lackluster, lacking the drive to succeed in everything that I do</li>
<li>I feel like just finishing up whatever project I'm currently in the midst of, not rigorously, but just for the sake of getting it over and done with. A+? I'd strangely be happy with a B+ (I'm really not someone that settles even for an A usually) </li>
<li>I know the importance of preparing for a project meeting, and I'm usually the one that leads the meetings and ensure that we don't spend any inefficient time during the meeting, but I just feel like going for the meeting, having not prepared anything beforehand (well, we're just discussing a presentation flow, and the slides are already done 3-4 days ago)...but usually i would have prepared at least an A4 of a rough plan so that everyone can discuss around that plan during the meeting.</li>
</ul>
I've always heard about this, but I've never really believed that it could actually happen. I've always honestly thought that it was just an excuse that someone would give if they felt tired of doing the work that they were doing...or a self-imposed mental state that isn't really there.<br />
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Well maybe I'm in the midst of a burnout, but I cannot afford to let it get the better of my mental state. I've obligations and commitments that I've made, and I still have a reputation to salvage...and I will stick through it all until it's all over.<br />
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I'll probably need to spend the December evaluating what went wrong this semester. I'm scoring plenty 90%+ for my tests and mini-projects, but at Week 12 of this semester, I somehow feel like I'm crumbling, with a pretty bad outlook of the weeks of project presentations and final exams looming ahead.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-79136373977624308342012-04-22T14:31:00.005+08:002012-04-22T15:28:40.554+08:00My associations with Music<span style="font-size:85%;">Recently, I've been thinking quite a bit about how much I'd love to be in the music entertainment industry, specifically as an artist - a singer, a dancer or both. I think that I'm quite an expressive person and I sometimes do prefer to convey my emotions and thoughts through song, facial expressions, body and hand movements. There are also a lot of times when I feel like bursting out into song, or doing a whacky dance move in the middle of the library or on a pedestrian walkway.<br /><br />To me, it's just another manner of expressing myself, and I'd want to be free to choose whichever way I wish to do so. I doubt that I have really done any of those crazy stuff in front of the public before, except occasionally humming or singing softly as I walk. Take away all the glamorous stuff about the entertainment industry, factor in all the hard work, discipline and training - I think I still would want in. The only thing that keeps me away from pursuing something that could be my dream (I wouldn't say that it has always been my dream) is the fear of the unknown - the fear of failure (hey cliche but true).<br /><br />In my opinion, I've always been fortunate enough to be closely associated with music:<br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:85%;">I started attending Yamaha Music School since I was 2, with my mother by my side.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">I had private piano tutoring when I was about 5/6.<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">I completed the Grade 8 Practical Piano Exam with ABRSM.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">I was selected to be part of the Music Elective Scholarship Program when I was 13 (Secondary One).</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">I picked up the guitar during then, and joined the school's Guitar Orchestra for 4 years.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">I signed up for dance classes (hip-hop and popping) when I was 17, stopped when I was 18.<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">I picked up vocal classes with a performing arts school when I was 18, attending whenever i had the time.<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">I performed 2 short songs for a concert organized by the performing arts school.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">I've also somehow managed to end up on a stage performing at 2 bars, once in Shanghai, and once at Cuscaden@Chijmes (Singapore), singing 2 full songs.</span></li></ul><span style="font-size:85%;">They say that even if you love music, you don't necessary have to be a singer or a dancer. In the entertainment industry, there are so many options available. So even if you pursue music performing as a career and you realize that you can't 'cut it out', there are still so many options available. But I haven't gotten the proper visualizations of me doing something else within the entertainment industry. I don't know how it will be like, and I don't think I'd like it as much as being a performer on stage. Really not for the glam, but for the full endorsement of my inner emotions outwardly displayed for all to see. So if I can't 'cut it out' as a music performer, if I've failed at trying to be one, what do I want to fall back on?<br /><br />Of course I haven't given those other options a shot yet ('how would I know that I wouldn't like it if I haven't tried it out yet right'), but that's also because I've always pursued a somewhat safe path throughout my education. And by being safe, I've ended up pursuing my other safer interests - in the banking industry, the business/corporate world. To me, I've been able to find areas of those industries where my strengths and interests lie, minus music. To me, I'd probably be alright, or in fact, happy to do the jobs that I envision myself doing, minus music. And it sounds and feels safe, financially and it's what most other people are doing anyway. In exploring all those various options within the corporate world, I haven't had the chance to explore other options, like those in the entertainment industry.<br /><br />I bet that there are various functions within the corporate world that overlap with those in the music industry. In these overlaps, there are also probably functions that would allow me to leverage on my strengths and interests. But right now, at this point in my life, I'd say that either I get myself a sweet spot in the corporate world where I love my job, or I get a sweet spot in the entertainment world - which is to be a performer and love my job.<br /><br />But seeing as how things are going and with the increasing visualization (whether biased due to the current environment that I'm exposed to) of me doing well in the corporate world, I'll probably end up relinquishing my aspirations of being a music performer.<br /><br /><br />It won't be all bleak and gloomy though - I can always still pursue music as a hobby - indulging myself whenever I have the time and space - and KTV!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-92147922271018608802012-04-20T20:46:00.005+08:002012-04-20T22:13:38.685+08:00April Reflections<span style="font-size:85%;">It seems like it's always during the exam period that I have the urge to write my thoughts out somewhere rather than keep it within the recesses of my brain. So here goes:<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >The Need for Self-Reflection and Self-Rectification</span><span style="font-size:85%;"><br />I believe that everyone does this every once in a while. I think I do it excessively - even to the extent that I constantly air my thoughts and feelings to people around me till (I feel) they get moderately annoyed and irritated. But I can't help it - I constantly rewind moments a few frames ago to study what I did right and what I did wrong, as well as the details that I notice about things and people around me. If there's something I don't understand, or something that I'm not sure whether I did right or wrong, I'd tend to want to talk about with someone.<br /><br />In my opinion, I think that it is extremely important to do this. For me, I always want to be in a forward motion - I want to constantly improve myself and become better than who I am today. In order to achieve this, I have to make sure that I minimize any repetitive mistakes that I will make. This automatically means that I have to be aware of my actions and words at any one point in time, assess them after a few frames have passed and make the necessary mental notes.<br /><br />However, doing this makes me highly self-conscious, which may err sometimes on the side of insecurity, if I choose to air my thoughts out. It also makes me somewhat vulnerable - opening myself up for attacks and criticisms, if any come my way. But that's how I know how I can improve myself - and I believe that I'm more than willing to lower my ego threshold just for this purpose.<br /><br />But I guess I do have to control myself sometimes - depending on the situation or the people I am with, whether to air my thoughts out or keep them to myself and save that assessment for another time.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >The Need for Acknowledgement </span><span style="font-size:85%;">(The Lack of Praise and 'Thank-Yous')<br />Having talked about self-assessment and the invitation for criticisms, I realized that I've been receiving less than an optimal amount of praises that I sometimes think I deserve. And people say that I'm hard on myself - when they aren't that easy-going with me either - at least not with the praises. I think we all need praises once in a while. Explicit ones - not in the mannerisms or nuances that I have to look out for. And yet, they must be sincere praises - not for the sake of motivation or as an avenue for self-praise. Praises help people move along - a form of feedback and the creation of positive energy - a good dose is necessary for everyone - especially for one that is so hard on himself.<br /><br />Same thing with 'Thank-Yous'. It has become a common thing after project submissions that I thank everyone for their hard work and a good job well done - and then occasionally I get a reply with a Thank-You in return. But it seems like I've always been the one creating these avenues for affirmation and acknowledgement. It seems like I've hardly received gratitude initiated by someone else. And believe me, I've experimented well with the timing of my initiations. Well there could be several reasons for this:<br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Busy people<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Conceitedness - people only really care about themselves<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Undervaluation of the utility of expressing gratitude</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">None of my work with them deserves gratitude </span></li></ul><span style="font-size:85%;">If you ask me, yeah well as expected, probably a mixture of all those reasons. Praises make people feel good - a form of positive reinforcement. And they spur us do even better. People should just do it - all it takes is 5-10 seconds of sincerity and it could make a difference for everyone around them.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >Recognition of Selfish Human-Beings</span><span style="font-size:85%;"><br />I'm not sure whether I've brought this up somewhere before, but I increasingly subscribe to the belief that everyone is really just selfish. It's not really a bad thing actually - it's just admitting who we are and why we do certain things. And not everyone has to believe that everyone else is selfish and inward-looking. But I believe that it helps me better understand the world around me. Not that the world has suddenly become bleak and hopeless - none of those dreadful thoughts really.<br /><br />I am selfish - I want to do things for myself - prioritizing 'me' first. And that is important - not only does it help me focus on things that I really want to do and do them well because I'm doing it - the positive externalities are great. It goes a lot towards self-respect and self-love. In identifying all the good stuff about doing something (that's for me), I naturally tend to feel more energized about doing it. And I don't have to question my intentions - whether I am really doing it for someone else or for myself - I am simply doing it for myself. But because I am energized and pumped up about working on something for myself, I tend to do it well and everyone working with me during that time benefits from my positive energy and my good work. And that's a bonus - externalities of my self-centeredness.<br /><br />So here's an example: Say I am working on a certain project for one of my courses at college. It requires us to do some research work, compile those into a report and make a presentation at the end of the course.<br /><br />Most of us would start with thinking about the grades, the amount of work laid out in front of us, and then the inertia sets in and we get tired of even thinking about the project. We might start thinking about how much work we want to do, and how much work we have to do for our teammates that might be slacking off (free-riders).<br /><br />Well, what if we start off the project by thinking about what kinds of personal benefits we can get from working on the project? Apart from grades, this is a typical list that I come up with:<br /></span><ol><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Improving leadership and project management skills</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Improving time management</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Improving PowerPoint skills</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Improving presentation and verbal communication skills</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Achieving greater internalization of course materials and gaining more general knowledge</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Improving people-skills</span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Preparing myself better for work next time</span></li></ol><span style="font-size:85%;">And then I start to worry that the number of projects that I have to do at college is decreasing and there's going to be less opportunities for me to apply and improve myself. You know, this is really closely related to positive thinking. But it makes positive thinking more realistic by recognizing that we're doing it for ourselves. It works for me. And all my teammates have benefited from this as well, whether in terms of overall project grades, or even for their own personal development.<br /><br />I acknowledge that all of us actually do this to a certain extent - identifying benefits. But I believe that most of this is done subconsciously. </span><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >I advocate an active identification of value - and where value is lacking - an active creation of value. </span><span style="font-size:85%;">I'll type more about this when I have the time in the future.<br /><br />Limitations: 1) I might end up eating myself out. We are human beings after all - and we all have a limited amount of time. If I'm going to push myself to work on everything that I find beneficial to me, I'm going to end up sacrificing something else. It really boils down to prioritization. 2) And this self-centred motivational model should only be applied for work-related issues (corporate world). Porting it over to social life becomes dangerous - measuring and calculating social benefits during socialization is one sure route to insincerity and eventual alienation.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >Amongst Other Topics</span><span style="font-size:85%;"><br />I would like to discuss the following topics that I've thought about for the past few years:<br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:85%;">The Need for Ownership - I think that this is severely lacking in many people<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">The Need for Perception Management - We underestimate the implications too much<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">The Need for Expectation Management - Both ways - our own and others'<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">My Interests in Profiling People</span></li></ul><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >Current Status Update</span><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:85%;">I'm about to complete my second year of study at college.<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">I've secured a 10-week internship with a well-known accounting firm - corporate communications department. Think that it's a good first internship and I hope to learn loads from it.<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">I'm also currently working with a non-profit organization that provides pro bono consulting services for other non-profit organizations. It has been a good experience thus far, and I've been scaling a steep learning curve.<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:85%;">My current work aspirations: Management Consulting, Commodities Trading, Private Banking (Hotel Management and Politics will have to wait till later in life)</span></li></ul>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-8236235105554582622011-05-12T04:03:00.000+08:002011-05-14T04:33:46.230+08:00some writing, spliced (ramblings, if you like)<span style="font-size:85%;">During the initial few weeks of the 2nd sem at school, i sort of came up with 4 important tools for better social interaction:</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">1. People profiling</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">2. Perception management</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">3. Expectation management</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">4. Sincerity</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Let's go tool by tool:</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><strong><span style="font-size:85%;">People profiling</span></strong><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">People profiling takes place before and during the first conversation, and continues throughout a prolonged association, a relationship, as well as future interactions. It's really a natural thing that people do whenever they meet new people. Perhaps a suitable word to be used here would be to 'suss' out someone new - gathering information about the other person in order to make a couple of decisions. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">The first decision would perhaps be whether or not we would even <u>want to talk or have any association</u> with that person. The second decision would probably be the <u>types of conversations</u> that we would probably have with that person. The third decision that follows after a couple of moments of interaction would possibly be the <u>degree of association</u> or relationship we would probably have with the other person. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">But i'd like to think that 'people profiling' goes deeper than that. 'Suss-ing' people out is something that most of us do subconsciously, most of the time. We would not normally go into a certain interaction 'blind' and simply begin it. What i am advocating (or currently am), would be an active 'suss-ing' out of people. Now how do we do this? (Perhaps i would elaborate on these in the future, but for now, some surface details) </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">On the first level, we would want to find out <u>what kind of person</u> we are interacting with. Is he a good person, is he a bad person? Now what i am probably doing here is actually asking people to 'judge people' upon perhaps their first impression. We all know that this is not always the best idea, since given more time, we would tend to understand the person better. Ultimately, whether or not we like it, we tend to make this subconscious read on people within the first minute of interaction. While i am asking is for people to actively give an initial assessment of the new person, with a pinch of salt, in that we should make allowances for changes to this assessment as the duration of interaction increases. This initial assessment is important, especially in a room of more than 20 people, since perhaps by the end of a meeting, a seminar, a conference, you would probably not have the chance to interact with all 20 or more people. Why is this important? To make informed decisions about people (as discussed previously). When is this important? Whenever we are called to make decisions about people, whether or not it would be to include someone in a project team, recruitment of sorts, or for invitation to future engagements, we need a measured impression of the other party in question. Not in all situations do we have to profile everyone in the room, just those that are important, and would become important to us in the future. In other words, we need to be able to first identify our <u>potential partners of interaction</u>, and then conduct an active profiling of those particular people.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">The second level of people profiling would be to <u>assess their capabilities,</u> as well as their <u>willingness to contribute and engage</u>. I would not say that this level of profiling is as simple as the first, or if you would like, fair to the potential partners of interaction. Sometimes you can get a direct read off a potential partner's words ('i just want a job that i can relax, take it easy, and wait for the money to come to me') or hand actions (whether or not they are aggressive, demanding etc.). Sometimes you've got to read between the lines, look into his/her eyes and decipher certain nuances that you might have missed previously. Body language tells a lot and is essential to this level of profiling. Right now, i'd probably have to clarify that although this might seem like im advocating overthinking, and overreading of situations and people, people profiling is crucial in helping us obtain a better personal stand during a particular interaction, in that we are able to make decisions quicker and more efficiently when the time calls for it. Of course, sometimes we do not want to make our decisions that fast or hastily - what i am asking of people would be for them to <u>actively keep an assessment of people</u> around them, so that when the time calls for it, they would be able to make that informed decision quicker. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">The third and deepest level of people profiling (in my opinion), would be to find out, as how i would like to call it, <u>the 'backstory' of people</u>. This is a form of emotional profiling, not easily obtained during the first or even second occurance of interaction, and is a huge privilege whenever given access to it, and should not be taken lightly. What do i mean when i say 'backstory'? Well everyone has their story to tell - be it their family, job situation, relationship status, personal feelings. Not often would you tell a stranger about these stories, personal issues. But whenever we hear of it, best would be from the person himself/herself, we immediately get a better understanding of the person standing in front of us - the potential partner of interaction. In a sense, there is a delicate emotional trust forged whenever this happens. However, i would like to say that whenever we encounter an occurance of trust-relationship, we immediately have to tread carefully. This level of people profiling would have to <u>go hand in hand with my 4th tool of interaction - sincerity</u>. Without the heart of sincerity, sometimes we would end up misplacing trust, misusing stories...we would become 'interaction beasts' with personal information about other people. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Finding out someone's 'backstory' gives a certain degree of 'fairness' back to this approach of interaction. It asks for us to understand someone better, before placing a certain judgment or before making an informed decision about someone. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">People profiling helps us make informed decisions when the time calls for them. It is a tool that we can use to help us better understand people around us, and also a tool that helps us interact with people better in general. While this tool seems rather high-handed, it also serves as a key to my 2nd and 3rd tool of social interaction - perception management and expectation management. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">To be continued...</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-35539301169357745432011-04-18T19:23:00.002+08:002011-04-18T19:54:45.502+08:00Semester 2 concludesAlas it's the end of year 1, semester 2. what a tiring semester it has been, yet an extremely fulfilling one i'd say. just had my last paper today - introduction to economics. hope that went well. Over the next few days, i'll be doing a couple of reflections (or rather musings) about the past semester, to document some of my thoughts and feelings. the aim would probably be to account for and analyze some of the stuff that i picked up, as well as to project my strategy for the next semester. I hope to address the following: <br /><ol><br /><li>4 approaches to social interaction </li><br /><li>Social awareness and integration</li><br /><li>Presentation skills</li><br /><li>Meetings </li></ol><br /><p>Been actually looking forward to typing all my thoughts out. haha. we'll see whether i'll be able to maintain my motivation over the next few days. also, a couple of things that i plan to do during this summer holidays:</p><br /><ol><br /><li>Learn a couple of chinese songs on the piano </li><br /><li>Develop a sustainable exercise regime</li><br /><li>Obtain an internship or get a day job</li><br /><li>Prepare for the next semester</li></ol><br /><p>First though, i'll probably have to spend the next few days recuperating from the horrendous sleep cycles i have been having for the past few week! till next time! </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-12390453913666227942010-12-31T21:27:00.005+08:002011-01-01T20:39:41.332+08:00anew2010 has been a very strange and eventful year. perhaps that's because it is the year after we've all completed national service. and gotten out of the protection of acs. and travelled a little here and there. it has been a year of so many experiences, and growth.<br /><br />i have not many regrets in my life thus far. 2010 has not been one filled with it. my only regret...perhaps is letting something go. it was the right decision at that time. perhaps i will not regret it eventually. but i still think about it every now and again. and i miss it. alot.<br /><br />2010 was also my first semester at smu. i didnt do so well. not well at all actually. but still enough to be on track to graduate with a decent degree. i feel that i could do better. definitely. and i want to. which will be what would be my main focus for the first half of 2011. i really have to limit my gaming. by quite alot. and i believe that i will do it. because i am a competitive person naturally. when i see my friends overseas doing so well...i feel that i could be doing more for myself. i dont believe that i am any weaker or less capable. i will score in 2011. that is simple and is my first resolution.<br /><br />another resolution would be to construct a set of personal values and beliefs to hold true for as long as they are. and i will start with one. sincerity. i believe that i have always been, in most circumstances, a sincere person. and i will continue to be, to an even greater extent in 2011.<br /><br />my thoughts stop for now. perhaps i'll continue again later.<br /><br /><br />happy new year everyone.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-33824537247896714482010-11-27T00:55:00.003+08:002010-11-27T01:12:21.833+08:00So Concludes the 1st SemesterToday marks the end of my first semester at college...and what a strange semester it has been.<br /><br />Some things still have not changed...but i believe that i have grown quite considerably over the past few months. I have gained much more insights and realizations about life, as well as increasingly, greater self-actualization. It has certainly been a meandering path walked, and still, a long way to go...<br /><br />And so when we mark the end of a chapter, we start a new page with a few things in mind. There are a couple of things that i hope to achieve within this break before i start the new semester next year:<br /><br />1) The Hotel Project<br />2) The Auditing (Human Resource) Research<br />3) Applications for a Hotel Management School (tentative)<br />4) The Yiruma piece<br />5) Establishment of an exercise regime<br />6) Rebooting The Sleep Cycle<br /><br />Should i succeed in accomplishing the above mentioned aims, i will be considerably elated, and i would be able to say that i had been extremely effective. Otherwise, the completion of the first 4, in their particular order would be reasonably sufficient.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />And then some thoughts, personal beliefs that have been cultivated, for contemplation:<br /><br /> - Perception management<br /> - Profiling<br /> - Sincerity<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />For now.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-40928605532403248502010-10-09T00:50:00.002+08:002010-10-09T01:19:03.064+08:00lifei just remembered that i had a blog! hahaha. it's really been some time since i've been here. perhaps i should do some updates!<br /><br />firstly, i've ORD-ed! hahaha. that's been like 8 months ago already. i really do miss being in camp actually, as much as i dreaded going to camp everyday. the office was really quite a nice place after awhile...and it sort of felt like i owned it...had my own desk, the officers were really nice people...things were quite easy going then...with nothing much to think about...life felt slow then. of course there were those stressful periods, and those days where i really hated to travel all the way there, sit at my desk...and then travel all the way back. but still...fond memories are hardly ever forgotten. breakfasts and lunches were nice too, with a couple of awesome ac friends, and the fellow NSFs that were at the building...food was comparatively cheaper too. miss eating the yong tau foo there...it always felt healthy to eat and the auntie was really nice to talk to. haha well well...<br /><br />i was in Shanghai from February till July...doing a Language program at Fudan University. it was truly a memorable experience being there...and i only wish that it were longer...but we all had to move on in our lives...with university starting and future careers beckoning. i went there for the overseas exposure...since i was gonna stay in Singapore to study anyway. independence, freedom...a house of my own...those really felt good... and the people that i met there were awesome...so were the people that i got to know a lot better... sigh i really do think about life then a lot...and i would give anything to go back to that life...with a secured career of course! the cats (Gizmo and Guchette) that we had at our place were lovely too...i do miss them quite alot and wish so much that i could bring them back. Gizmo used to sit at the door of my room, waiting for me to come out, or waiting for a chance to go into the room... initially he was really really playful...but towards the end...before i left...he changed somewhat...like he matured...or perhaps he knew that we were leaving...and was sad...he would come onto my bed and lay there silently...purring gently... ahh i do miss them cats alot. hmm...my chinese did improve as well actually...or rather...it got revised there and i am more willing to speak chinese nowadays..with the pronounciation corrected as well...haha. but it definitely did not get as good as i expected...hanging out with international kids who spoke english...and my fellow darling singaporeans didnt help one bit. hahaha. but still...shanghai was really really superb for me and given another chance...i would go back to visit some day...see the old house...walk the old road at wudonglu...buy something from lawsons, eat the shou zhua bing and shisha at helens...hahaha.<br /><br />well and now i am at SMU. doing the business course there. uni life's really as expected. lots of assignments and project work, presentations, classroom participation. nothing out of the ordinary actually. it seems like everyone's always really stressed about something...and working really hard. somehow though...i don't feel the pressure. it's really strange... i know i havent been working really hard...or putting in alot of effort...but i can sort of visualize how my SMU experience would be like...and i do not fear. everything seems...predictable. hmmm i shall get into the mode of working hard REAL soon i guess...see how far i can go with the first and second sem.<br /><br /><br />yupyup. that's my current life now i guess.<br /><br /><br />im really missing the people that have went overseas. life's just different without them around... but i gotta get on with my own life too...like they are too...work hard everyone! we'll meet again when we do :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-63061429459430678672009-12-30T12:13:00.004+08:002010-01-06T08:45:53.731+08:00image preservation and sensitivityim in a real bad state guys. at the moment.<br /><br />ok maybe not so bad. but a few decisions i made recently based on my need to preserve my image and pride have cost me quite a lot.<br /><br />i really dont know why i care so much about what other people think about me. + im a perfectionist. i hate it when people wrong me...i hate it when people think of me as lesser...i hate it when people misunderstand me...and i hate to leave bad impressions on people. i really dont know why i cant just find comfort/confidence from within myself, knowing exactly who i am and what i am capable of. why must i care so much.<br /><br />i find myself complaining, or explaining alot...doing reflections and having a little difficulty letting go of the past. as much as i like to counsel people to live and let live...i face these same problems myself everyday. i cant really ever forget...and i tend to like to try to make things better, soothen out every issue that i come across.<br /><br /><br />and i wish i was more thick-skinned. seriously. being nice, being accommodating has cost me much thus far this life. worse if people dont even appreciate. yet i do it automatically. i must be the nice guy...the one who gives way...the one who must have a bigger heart...sometimes i dont even think about what im doing till im halfway through doing it and then i realize what i am doing.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />im dead broke. and its all my own fault.<br /><br /><br /><br />sorry guys for the rambling again. but i just had to let it out somewhere. here i guessUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-14409360448753474642009-09-01T14:36:00.004+08:002009-09-01T15:49:55.554+08:00more ramblingsas usual, i've taken a long time to update.<br />as usual, nothing much has changed since my last post<br />as usual, im still stuck playing dota and not really doing much else in life<br />as usual, im thinking of those things that need to be done to make my life much more meaningful<br />as usual, i know of my potentials and of the places that i could go...but once again, i fail myself in terms of taking any form of action.<br /><br />as usual, im regretting...and lamenting on these facts...when i jolly well know what the possibilities are should i GET UP on my feet and start MOVING. as usual...i dont do anything about them.<br /><br />instead im reduced to writing on this blog time and time again...about my life's regrets and oh how i wish i could STOP all these 'as usual's'. pathetic. and so superficial. nothing's real. and people who read this blog...post after post will soon develop this perception of jityew.blogspot.com. 'ah dont bother reading anymore...probably about the same old shit'. and the truth is - you're probably right. but i cant help it. i got no one else to complain to or whine to since i've probably already told everyone of my so-called 'situation' about 2 years ago. im still stuck within =/<br /><br />i want change. i wish i could wake up one fine morning and find out that there was no such thing as DotA. that i havn't been playing such a game for 5-6 years. that no one would ever mention to me about such a game because it never existed. unfortunately, this kind of thinking wont get me anywhere. it's not realistic. the truth is...i've been stuck...entrapped...snared by this single game. i havnt played any other games by sheer fear of being hooked on to multiple games and hence taking up more of my precious little time left.<br /><br />its really frustrating...how i KNOW and yet NOT DO. i know its harmful...i know im not really doing anything else in life...i know that i should start seriously considering where i wanna be 1 year's time. i know i should be trying to reapply for scholarships again.<br /><br />i know this...i know that. sigh. its really quite horrid. how much do i value my future? <span style="font-style: italic;">do i really have that much potential that i can DONT plan my future and yet believe that everything will still fall in place? </span>is that the mindset that i have grown up to believe? that everything will settle for itself and that my future will be successful regardless of what i do now? i cannot allow myself to believe in such things. im no longer that young. im no longer that immature. i should be growing up more now...understanding more about life and therefore doing things that will contribute to my future.<br /><br />i know this i know that. i should be i should do. i could be i could do. rawr. its really scary huh. pure blatant outrageous complacency. simply that and probably nothing else.<br /><br />alright let's make a to-do list of things that GOT TO BE DONE before the end of october. and i shall make a promise to this blog (im not really very gd with promises...and i hardly issue out any in the first place for fear of not being able to keep them) that i will update in 2 weeks time to check my progress:<br /><br />Immediate tasks -<br /><ol><li>Apply for <span style="font-weight: bold;">PDL</span> asap before Sept 7</li><li>Sign up for <span style="font-weight: bold;">HSK</span> exam with Crestar.</li><li>Complete <span style="font-weight: bold;">Les Roche</span> application form and submit.<br /></li><li>Complete <span style="font-weight: bold;">Fudan Immersion</span> app. form and submit.<br /></li><li>Find a good <span style="font-weight: bold;">vocal instructor</span> and start lessons</li></ol>Other long-term tasks or things that can take slightly longer to settle -<br /><ol><li>Research on other good <span style="font-weight: bold;">hospitality</span> schools in the world...as wells as courses offered in singapore that would link me up with colleges overseas.</li><li>Research on <span style="font-weight: bold;">hospitality scholarships </span>in singapore...as well as the possibility of hotels offering scholarships.<br /></li><li>Apply for STB/MFA/PSC scholarships<br /></li><li>Go to the <span style="font-weight: bold;">gym</span> once a week (establish the weekly regime)<br /></li><li>Reconsider <span style="font-weight: bold;">dance</span> classes.</li><li>Research <span style="font-weight: bold;">dividends</span>. Stamford land, Macquarie, Rotary etc.</li></ol><br />i think that's all for now. hopefully i would be able to complete at least half of those that i mentioned. that would certainly be an achievement. HAHA.<br /><br /><br /><br />alright nxt time i shall write about my dreams and my possible future career paths. 'HOTELS'!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-82513366295552442702009-07-22T15:39:00.004+08:002009-07-24T07:58:59.256+08:00what i am to do with my life at the present...and in the futurewith slightly less than 6 months to go at the <span style="font-weight: bold;">place i have been at</span> for more than 1 and a half years...i really need to start considering what i am to do after it all ends.<br /><br />considering my university - fudan university, les roche hospitality school (switzerland), or smuBIZ.<br /><br />i just returned from shanghai a few days ago. it wasnt exactly a blast...but it was fun all the same. and from the trip, i realized <span style="font-weight: bold;">three</span> important things. the first was that i was...and am still a good boy =P. the second was that i realized how powerful china is at the moment...and how huge a potential it has in terms of economic and social development. the third (is sort of linked to the second realization) was that i realized the importance of chinese! ever since young, i havnt really appreciated the language. in fact, i dreaded studying it. because of my dislike for the language, i didnt do too well @ school...and had to attend many tuition classes on the subject. in fact, for nearly 10 years...the only tuition class that i ever attended was CHINESE tuition...and i probably went to more than 10 different teachers/classes outside in search for the best chinese class. dont get me wrong, those tuition classes never went to waste. i did make it into EM1 when the time came...and studied 高级华文(higher chinese) from p5 all the way to secondary 3. i dropped it in secondary 4 when i realized it did not matter whether i took the eventual O's exam in sec4 since i was doing IB already. but yes...it was a struggle all the way for my chinese learning curve and i was somewhat relieved when it was all over.<br /><br />well but now upon returning from shanghai, changzhou...the passion to learn or at least beef up my chinese is fired up. haha for once i actually want to learn chinese! i felt quite bad for myself when i couldnt speak perfect chinese to the locals when i was there. a tad bit embarrassing and annoying, in fact. but as to how to go about improving my chinese...i dont really know how. for now, i shall start messaging in chinese...muahaha. i changed my interface to chinese as well! for those who read this blog and do receive my messages from time to time...please feel free to correct my chinese and help me! AND i've decided to speak chinese whenever i can. BLEGH i dont think this passion/drive will last very long...probably JUST another phase...but i'll 拖延 as long as i can and see how far i go.<br /><br />which brings me back to my application for fudan university. i think it would be fun going over to study there...improve my chinese, get an overseas education...and study the subjects that i actually do want to study...public policy, international relations etc. my parents will even support my education there...because the cost isnt that far from that of studying in singapore. AND i think i'll become very relevant for the future as chinese blooms and the world is forced to communicate with them increasingly. HOWEVER, i do have a barrier, which is to pass the hua yi shui ping kao shi <span style="font-weight: bold;">level 6</span>. i got no idea how pass it provided i actually set aside time to study for it. and applications for the university end in july/august. which means that time IS running out. BOO. i want to study there but i think in some way i want the easy way out as well. what a bum i am.<br /><br />as for the swiss university - les roche, i think its actually quite suitable for me. hospitality and hotel management, that is. according to my parents, some friends, and myself (yes i do believe it too), my personality and character fits the job. and yes i'll have the overseas education in a european country...AND i'll be doing something different from the rest of my schmates! the other option would be cornell...they have a good similar course program there as well...but i think it would be interesting to study in switzerland. and since young, somehow, i've been hearing that swiss hospitality is NUMBER ONE. 第一名。 哈哈 HOWEVER, a big problem is the cost of study there...which will be approx 150k. there's no way my parents are going to sponsor me to study there, even if they support the idea of me going there to study. i either have to take up a student loan...(which i dont know whether i can or HOW to apply for one in the first place)...or go along with my master plan of getting sponsored there. hehe. basically i will go ahead with the application to les roche first. after getting accepted (IF i do get accepted) i will go around to the different hotels in singapore and bang on their doors asking whether ANY of they are wiling to sponsor my study there and i will promise to work for them once im back in singapore. HAHA. sounds crazy lah...but i am willing to try! or does anyone know any proper channels by which i can apply for sponsorship (hospitality, by hotels)? so yes i cannot afford to be lazy should i actually want to end up in an overseas university this time nxt year. FIGHT!<br /><br />as for SMU, studying in singapore has been something i have imagined myself doing ever since young. and then going overseas for a masters year. sounds more reasonable...but less adventurous and more towards the norm. not that i mind actually...but im also afraid of the stressss that singapore's education generally GENERATES. its quite silly actually...when i think of it. should i compete with people who have international certs in the future for the same job, our chances of getting the job is somewhat the same (excluding interview, personality etc.)...and maybe theirs would be better, since they have graduated from an overseas university. in that case why should i stress myself up studying in a singapore university? my friends who are currently studying in singapore seem so stressed up and NOT relaxed at all. its not that i havnt been thru the singaporean brand of education...for 12 years i have been through it...and maybe im done with it. we'll see. i'll have to work hard towards applying for elsewhere if i want to escape the sg-edu-sys-vortex. hurhur.<br /><br />WORK. after i complete my service...i would have approx 3-6 mnths to float around b4 i start on my uni education. i need to find a job that i would enjoy and do something for which time passes very fast everyday. and a job that pays me at least $1400++ to support my spending and at the same time allow me to save some money. but how to go about finding such a job? where are the channels for application? will they pay a temp (6mnths) $1400?? yes that is something that i have to think about during this 6 mnths.<br /><br />popping! i've completed the course. 结束了。it was FUN and it was a neat skill to pick up. and for those 7-8 tuesday nights, i was doing something OTHER than dota. and i got to catch up a little with an old friend feng ze. the entire thing was really cool. my only regret was that i was unable to dedicate my entire time to practicing (i am still currently playing/training dota for competitions)...which meant that i wasnt really up to the class's standard. quite a number of them had background dancing already...some even picked up the style of dance before the class started. for me, i just wanted to have fun, and do something different! and i think i achieved that! haha. maybe i'll sign up again in the future. for now...my tuesday nights will be freed up. sign up for another course perhaps? another style of dance...or another type of course...singing/chinese class...ahha.<br /><br />people come and go. its quite frightening sometimes. how your goodbye suddenly becomes the last goodbye...at least for a long long time. the last handshake. the last good hug. and then whooosh...he's/she's gone. <br /><br />but we can't help it. its not our fault. its not yours.<br /><br />i think the most important thing is <span style="font-weight: bold;">not to have any regrets</span> with regards to these 'passing-by' people. it is inevitable that people enter and exit our lives. eventuality catches up. but we MUST TRY NOT HAVE REGRETS. that way we can let go of them easier, and there would be less of a burden on our minds.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />-to be continued- quite a long post and i think i should take a break to prevent long windedness and talking nonsense (not that the post isnt filled with alot of 'them' already =P)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-47604419938686867622009-05-18T09:00:00.004+08:002009-05-18T12:13:21.622+08:00the human mind is so fickle. or we youngsters just cant settle down yet...<br /><br />previously i was thinking about going to shanghai to study...do international relations and public policy. but there were a few barriers...and i guess i was rather lazy to overcome them. =/ maybe i'll try to get at it again in August.<br /><br />at the moment...im really looking to <strong>Switzerland</strong> - studying <strong>hospitality</strong>. there used to be a scholarship given by Hilton Hotel for students to go to Switzerland to study...i saw it last year in a newspaper clipping. i wonder whether they still have it or not. if i could actually GET the scholarship...i think that it would be my dream to go there. i have no prior experience to hospitality though...<br /><br />otherwise i guess its SMUbiz for me...for now.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-65588808784020771572009-05-09T14:56:00.005+08:002009-05-18T08:56:18.677+08:00wei darecently, whilst on the bus home...i was pondering upon something of the past...and i felt that it would make quite a good reflection piece.<br /><br />hmm...there was a period in time in my life that i thought i was selfless. or at least i thought i COULD be wei3 da4 (magnanimous in Chinese). i thought i could shoulder the world's problems...take on everyone's burden...and make the people around me a lot happier. i thought that i could be everyone's 'hero'. i really believed that i could take stabs for people...suffer deep wounds and cuts by myself...and smile at everyone, pretending that everything was okay. i was on my way to becoming a 'great' and 'nice' guy...or so i thought.<br /><br />slowly...i wasnt the smiley person i was. i became quite emotional and depressed. i knew that things were happening around me because i had allowed them to. i knew some changes were made because of me. people noticed that i had changed...and they tried to help. i was crumbling inside...watching, listening, knowing...and yet not doing anything. because i had allowed those things to happen...why should i stop it now? wouldnt i end up hurting everyone? wasn't this the entire purpose of my being wei da...accommodating everyone but myself? i had thought that i was big hearted and magnanimous.<br /><br />unfortunately...i could hold my thoughts and feelings in no longer. being me, my personality and the need to confide in people...i started to talk to people closer around me about the entire issue. it was something i could no longer contain. progressively, i was defeating myself...destroying the image of myself as a 'wei3 da4 de3 ren2'. i needed people to know my pain. i needed people share it with me. i needed sympathy.<br /><br />and i became pathetic. pathetic for pitying myself. and for needing sympathy, comfort. in the end...i guess i was only human. i had feelings...i needed love...and i wanted people to know what i was going through.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />hmm i cant continue this post. =/ its so depressing. ANYWAY im all over it already. im much better now...i know where my limits are...and im more down to earth nowadays. and i believe that i understand more about people and myself through the experience.<br /><br />i grew...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-44996415609857807242009-03-20T14:42:00.001+08:002009-03-20T14:42:27.501+08:00could i not have a title? i hopefully the browser wont stop me from posting this title-less post...cause i dont really feel like typing/talking about anything solid or topical =X haha. ANYHOW!<br /><br />anyway tmr's gonna be HOPEFULLY the last Compaq and Presario League (CAPL) Dota competition i'll ever take part in. NOT that it isnt an honor to be part of the elite teams competing in this by invites-only compy (we qualified for this compy only last season)...but i think it should stop here...and i really should get on with life. Thing is...there will be two key members missing tmr...jq and wes...both part of the original team and both crucial members. for tmr it'll be myself, ong, rebirth, darren (HBK*) and either darren's friend or des|matt. we got a relatively small bracket...although i wouldnt underestimate the others within the bracket - on the basis that this is indeed gonna be a tough competition where everybody had to fight to get in...haha we wont be looking to win this...but hopefully we'll all play well and do our best...and then it'll really be a satisfying finish to all the compys that i've taken part in thus far. alright enough of gaming<br /><br />i just sent in my psc scholarship application...wasnt easy thinking and typing out the statement of purpose...rawr. and i coughed it up rather in a hurry just b4 the deadline of 2359 on 17 Mar. i had been thinking about it for the past few weeks but i just didnt know how to go about writing it. im glad im done with it though. hopefully i'll be considered for an interview...but with 37pts i wouldnt even dare squint into the darkness to find any whatsoever light . MFA! i might actually go into foreign affairs in the future even if i did not make it for scholarship. i think im more or less closing down on to what i remotely feel would be the most suitable job for me in the future. policy writing maybe...banking (marketting)...public affairs...foreign affairs.<br /><br />dam disappointing that i havnt gone down to bbdc to attend that talk that every school-registered student has to attend so that i can sign up for my BTT...can u believed that i signed up with the school 2 months ago and havnt even registered for my BTT yet?? i really nid to get this driving thing going asap so that maybe by this year i can actually drive around...especially during the period after my ord. dang. i really should go down to bbdc to get things rolling...<br /><br />havnt gone down to crestar yet to sign up for those chinese lessons either...at this rate my application for china is gonna be even slower since i probably wont be ready for the april HSK exam OR the application window of fudan in may-june period. gah. maybe psc would help with my application but then again its wishful thinking that psc would consider me this round.<br /><br />gah im ranting here again...<br /><br />work's getting a tad bit depressing nowadays. with 10 months or so left to go im beginning to really FEEL it. people i've known for 12 months, maybe even longer are slowly making their way out into the world and only a few that i came in with are around. seeing their gleeful happy faces...i feel happy for them...but certainly deep sorrow for myself. but im sure it'll be over soon b4 i know it...but on a day by day basis...its really quite strenuous to get up early in the morning and come into work. well...i just wished work was more meaningful...or at least i wished that i myself could make it more interesting and fulfilling. but i dont seem to be interested or motivated to do anything beyond my requirements and that's probably why the sian-ness of it all has been settling around my emotional space. im thankful that my dad seems to understand it and takes the trouble to send me to the furthest bus stop possible so that i wouldnt have to take 2 buses to get to work but only 1 direct one. it really makes my day easier and less tiring travelling to work.<br /><br /><br />anyhow im done...cant think of anything to write atm...maybe it's cause my mind drifted away from this page.<br /><br /><br />till nxt time =)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-7468937515911484302009-02-20T12:00:00.005+08:002009-02-20T12:28:14.132+08:00A Jit's Lifeits really strange how i just have no mood to blog these days...<br />or maybe its not that i have no mood...perhaps i've decided to stop being honest with myself<br />or maybe im just reluctant to share everything that has been going through my mind these days<br />or maybe im just unable to express my feelings in words since my vocab is somehow shrinking at an alarming rate.<br />or maybe im just lazy, like we've discussed before. ZzzZzzZzz<br /><br />this is NOT GOOD.<br /><br />anyway...there's still like 11 mnths before i complete my NS...actually close to 10 mnths left now that feb's 20 days past. i believe what im gonna do over this period of time...as well as after-NS-before-uni time will determine, to a certain extent, the direction for which my life will take its course. SO IT IS IMPORTANT. IMPERATIVE that i get my act together.<br /><br />i have a confession to make. im tired of play dota games. im tired of entering a game trying to take control of the game by myself due to really astonishingly incapable incompetent teammates (80% of the time i end up having to do this 1 versus 5 thing). im tired of starting a game knowing that im probably gonna lose...and that EVEN if i win (after fighting mostly 1v5 battles) the opponent HOST will just DISCONNECT me and end up having a game recorded WIN in his favour and LOSE in my records (so many cheaters out there). im also tired of competitive farming (earning gold in dota terms) - and i hate the stress.<br /><br />slowly, im growing weary of the number of times i report to bukit timah IRC for our regular lan sessions and having less than enough people to play (7 people, 3v4; 5 people, trying to find 5 friends who would probably get thrashed quite badly by us - and we'll all end up killstealing (KS) from each other). for the lack of people i have to blame NS. in any case...i like hanging out with the bunch of them. but i just wish that we could do something more meaningful...or at least something a little different...<br /><br />but i still play.<br /><br />and so i have to get on with my driving. i've only registered myself with the driving centre at BBDC...but i havnt gone for the introductory talk...neither have i registered for my BTT...really really slow in doing anything BAH.<br /><br />perhaps china. but i gotta take some lessons to prepare for HSK. that will be a challenge. to sign up for the lessons. and to take the test. and then the difficulty of studying in chinese. =/ i might just end up staying in singapore and doing smubiz. but i think i'll give it a try and see how. we'll see<br /><br />applying for scholarships/uni is like some daunting task. personal statements which i havnt a clue how to do (just lazy to check i bet -.-)...what i believe in...what are my goals...why this scholarship...why that university...most of my application forms are half completed. name, nric, ib score...and then blank blank...SOME i did fill up...but point form, or incomplete. i need to be serious!<br /><br /><br />i think...i need a competitor.<br /><br /><br /><br />in any case...the above post is like...a FEW issues that i have been thinking about...but there's still so many others that...(refer to the start of this post for reasons)...and i end up not typing out any here.<br /><br /><br />SEE YOU!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-74411417949695937822009-01-12T11:01:00.006+08:002009-01-20T00:44:16.091+08:00ramblings of a jityewonce again...once again jityew jit yew YOU have not posted in SUCH a LONGLONG time. nothing to post, or lazy to post? i think both! nothing to post because there hasnt been any change to my lifestyle and the things that i have been doing. still the same old things that i SICKENINGLY still enjoy like DOTA and hanging out with the guys. its really fun...and yet somehow really does not have any bearing to my future. ahhh my future...its not that i nvr think about it...in fact i think about it all the time...i KNOW that im not moving forward in life...yet im stuck. stuck in this vortex of doingnothingness and achieving nothing.<br /><br />i like to believe that i was an overachiever who did loads of things and actually succeeded in ALOT of them. that was last time. a year ago for many years of my life. and right now im stuck. i know i cannot continue on like this. not especially since it is a new year. and its already 1 year that i have been stagnating. and its 1 year to my university. UNIVERSITY!!! acsi ib 2008 batch did so well that im glad i actually applied for SMU biz and got in with my meagre points. it would have been NOWHERE in the 'Considered Applications' pile if i were to apply this year...OR maybe maybe it'll still be there...but not for smulaw/nuslaw anymore. rawr. anyhow...these days i've been thinking why in the world am i doing business in the first place. i should be doing political science, public policy, hospitality. these are where my strengths lie...or so i would like to believe. business? so that i can go into a bank and do marketing? do i have to do business to get into a bank to do marketing? SEE i dont even know all these things...i need an educational counselor at my 24-7 side answering my random thoughts about uni and what i could do.<br /><br />mom suggests going to china to study. it is attractive...going overseas to study. china? why not? but i dont think im brave enough to study everything in chinese...especially so since the only real tuition that i ever had was CHINESE...since pri 2 onwards...private tutors, tuition centres...private tutors. i agree with my parents though...studying in china would definitely give me an edge over alot of people...even maybe over people who go oxbridge and other UK/US university. rise of the dragon rise of the dragon. i will still consider. how to apply? blegh.<br /><br />do i sound helpless? i dont think i am...but somehow i sound like im helpless. not knowing what to do...where to go. i DO know how i should go about doing things....but gahh. maybe im just getting very lazy and just not WANTING to do anything.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><blockquote><span style="font-size:78%;"></span></blockquote><blockquote></blockquote></span><br />my conscious is floating around and not stabilizing. my personality is not sound enough yet. i need to root. somewhere where i could get water in abundance...and sunlight to bask in every day. for me to be solid and firm. to be confident and not doubt myself.<br /><br /><br />i will be better. better than ever. but when. i should think it starts now. WHO HAS SMU BIZ NOTES? hmm but first i will get myself to sign up for driving. and then maybe japlssns/karaoke/dance. MAYBE.<br /><br />1 step at time bah...but steadily progressing...and i shall stop here. these ramblings...for now.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-29486489418538588852008-11-09T16:19:00.004+08:002008-11-11T22:36:49.356+08:00nearly a year has passedhello one and all who have been reading and re-reading my posts because i simply havnt been diligent (omg what would be the better word to put here...prudent?) in updating my blog.<br /><br /><br /><br />and so my NSF life is nearly at its 12 mnth mark (my ord is 13 Jan 2010 =.=) honestly i feel that it has gone by rather shockingly fast. i do know that the beginning of the second half of my NSF life will be rather dry and draggy...everything already learnt and experienced; and basically, i'll be doing very repetitive stuff. but the nxt half, like the first, will come and go and soon i'll be out to the university.<br /><br /><br /><br />ok now i shall do some reflections for the past year:<br /><br /><br /><br />i realized that i havnt been giving my all to the office that im working in now. officers are nice...the place is nice...my life is nice and i just dont work as hard as i could. or as i should. there has been simply no <strong>motivation </strong>for me to work better, or work faster. the pay will always be the same. recognition is so minimal that it's not worth it to pursue. basically, every single hour at work is spent looking forward to book out time...and every night is maximised till the very latest...only to spill into the nxt day's wee hours. and everytime i think about it...i believe that my time in NS could have been better spent elsewhere. the office life that i'd hoped to have and learn from dont really reflect the outside working world office life. the menial work...i do loads of them. most of the time im ok with them...but certain tasks really put me off totally.<br /><br /><br /><br />before this reflective period, the ONLY possible motivation i could think of was to not to let my nice officers down, to make them proud that they have an NSF like me. and somehow...that wasnt enough to spur me on to give my all and be the hardworking guy i used to be.<br /><br /><br /><br />well a discussion with one of my officers helped me to realize that motivation comes in two folds. the first would be <strong>external motivation </strong>-This would monetary rewards (pay increment), additional perks benefitted, recognition from my officers and the people within my working atmosphere etc. the second would be <strong>internal motivation - </strong>This would be my moral character, how i carry myself, how i want myself to be portrayed to the people around me, my self-worth, my dignity as a human being. Integrity. do i slack because i believe that the work that im doing is way beneath my capabilities...or do i give my best in every possible situation because i want to show that i have a consistent, sound personality and moral character?<br /><br /><br /><br />i believe that internal motivation should be higher placed than external motivation. because it measures self-worth over what others might think of you...over what others can reward you with what you have done. its the real recognition and acknowledgement of one's own existence.<br />but somehow it doesnt get to me. hmm does this say something of me? i've thought about it and perhaps i just dont value the experience that NS has been giving me right now...for me there's nothing in there that gets interested...motivated. it doesnt even trigger my inner self-respect. but maybe its just me...being not really interested in anything these days...<br /><br /><br />gah i guess im in a reflective mood...a little bit of the emo-jit that i used to be...but at this half-way pt thru my service experience...i guess its about time i thought things over.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />this doesnt make sense with what i have been typing...but i'll try to work better in my office from now on!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-4001068151558084922008-09-17T15:47:00.003+08:002008-09-18T11:16:47.994+08:00update!Ahh once again...i took a long time to update my blog! =X<br /><br /><br /><br />im really getting too lazy. i've been trying to run though...i've done 5 rounds around my house so far. i used to do 10 rounds without any problem. i realized im getting tired more easily now than when i was in sec1-4 (canoeing/dragonboat/guitar/MEP/tuition years) when the schedule was more hectic and my days were sooo packed with activities. now, i require more sleep and i tend to doze off during the late mornings and early afternoons. someone told me (i think it was my dad) that it is because of the lack of exercise - and therefore not keeping fit - that has led to my being so tired easily. sooo i guess i'll be exercising on a more regular basis now. i CANNOT allow half of my day time to be packed with little struggling slumbers here and there. and i probably need to sleep more<br /><br /><br /><br />past few weeks have been same same somewhat. the life of jit seems to be ever so stagnant. haha. guess what i've been doing? simple really - DOTA! weekdays will find me at home fighting with my siblings for my rights over the usage of my computer (for which is really non-existence...since my rights are on the basis that i need the computer to play! - compared with their need to use it for homework/projects/presentations etc etc.) weekends you can usually catch me at evolution (paradiz) or bukit timah irc. same pattern as ever.<br /><br />last weekend i took part in the Compaq and Presario League (CAPL) Elite Category Dota Competition. was playing for Team Vendlus. i loved the format (round robin - get to play 3 games!). but the keyboards were the really high class advanced ones where the keyboard has additional keys on the left. which meant that the hotkeys were totally in an uncomfortable position. terrible! its not the first time im playing on such a keyboard...but the last capl i was also quite affected by it. first match against<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Team Sweety we were totally smashed flat. i think it was probably because of the unstable draft and not so good laning decisions. second match was against Impreza (either sg no.1 or sg no.2). the draft was: </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">VnL: Syllabear, Pugna, Tiny, Enigma, Techies (Me!)</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Impreza: Pitlord, TS, Lina, Luna, THD</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">end game score was 42-43 in Impreza's favour. was quite an amusing game. well firstly because we were dq-ed from the start to begin with. the tiny player, Ben, was still getting used to the awfully left-shifted keyboard and pressed 'R' instead of 'E' to learn craggy exterior. the enigma player, Darren, asked for permission to remake the game. Ben turned around to ask the marshall 'can rm?' Darren heard 'can rm. (full stop)' and just quit the game. and so we were dq-ed. great. but we were told to rm and play on (even if match was forfeited) since the game was being casted (shown on the big wide screen for all to watch). techies and tiny turned out to be an awesome combo...and the strat we put forward was surprisingly effective against Impreza's AOE strat. somehow. haha. many funny instances like tiny tossing JoelOng's Sylla to get a kill...only to feed him to a rather shocked lina and ts (the kill got delivered to them). Lem's pitlord brought ts thd and lina along with him using his ulti...and totally melted 3 of our heroes. but we didnt really pressure after the kills...so we lost late game. haha it was indeed an entertaining match. the commentators were VERY lively as well. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">3rd match against XtC (Sg no.3 i should think) was QUITE a balanced game as well...somewhat. they were doing some weird strat that actually worked. but i shant explain it here since it'll bore you non-dota players to death. haha. game dragged till about 60 mins. and we lost! </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">but it was a gd experience...playing against the top teams in singapore. it also gave us a glimmer as to the fact that the top teams can actually be beaten as well! not that we did though. and i wonder whether they were playing seriously. </span><br /><br />anyhow...that was my last weekend spent.<br /><br />gah i need to find some way to boost my income - which is currently a meagre amount (NS pay is like allowance...not really pay). i actually came up with 'budget plan' as to how to spend my money evenly across the month.<br /><br />annd its been such a long time since i've karaoke-d...even at home with the system up le. miss singing at the top of my voice...(i do pity the neighbours though).<br /><br /><br />alright i guess i better go. i'll try to update more often. Apologies for the story of my life! =PUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-67200717706806126022008-07-30T15:30:00.004+08:002008-08-07T14:47:53.865+08:00lazyafter inventing many excuses for NOT blogging (for example: no time), i realized that im just plain lazy.<br /><br />it's not as if there arent any thoughts floating in my head waiting to be splatted out on this page. Rather...im just too lazy to formulate my thoughts into words (let alone crafting beautiful sentences/phrases to make my post much nicer to read). rawr!<br /><br />a few updates...let's see:<br /><br />had a pleasant weekend last week staying at home...hardly went out except with my family. had this awesome jap food buffet dinner to celebrate my sis birthday...and watch The Dark Knight on saturday. sun i actually stayed home and lazed around the whole day.<br /><br />i must say that i was really impressed with heath's (the joker) acting. i went to the movie (The Dark Knight) dreading that it would disappoint me (thanks to all my friends who have been raising and re-raising my expectations for the movie - 'oh it was great you HAVE to catch it' or 'jit it's really gd go catch it as soon as you can' AS WELL AS all the fantastic movie reviews that i have been reading b4 actually watching it.). BUT i was so relieved that i was not disappointed at all. on the contrary i was so glad i found the time to catch it. the last time i saw heath acting was in The Patriot but he wasnt really outstanding then. im not sure about Brokeback mountain and the other movies he did...but he really stole the show this time. On the whole the movie was great. It was the first time a long movie didnt bore me or kept me going 'hurry up and move on'. i was paying attention to every single part of it. i would gladly revisit the theatres to watch it again. -.- sounds like a movie review.<br /><br /><br />mm yea i didnt go out with the guys (dota gang) the whole of last week...in hope of saving some $$. having been running low for a period of time already. i keep overspending...thinking that the following week i'll just have to spend less but ending up spending just about the same every week...meaning the last week b4 my allowance comes i'll have near to zero. which isnt a gd thing at all. money management is key. i guess i have to learn it the hard way. over and over again. it's been months like that. okay i gotta start limiting myself to a hundred a week. then i'll be gladly safe. blegh. or i nid to find a job<br /><br /><br />this weekend - WCG @ Kovan CC. this will be the last of the series of WCG Qualifiers. Will be trying our best. but sadly, joelong and mingen wont be able to take part with us. they are actually quite impt to the team. well, the line up for this weekend: jityew, ivan, yoonsup, jiaqing + ? (still looking for 1 more player). We'll meet zenith during the 3rd round. gahz. hope we'll make it till then.<br /><br /><br />ok im starting to feel lazy again. shall stop here bahz. -.- this is really terrible. soon i'll turn into a sloth. >.<Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-75210340517451223342008-07-16T11:06:00.006+08:002008-07-16T15:25:53.037+08:00words, phrases in my mind<span style="font-size:85%;">consciousness<br /><br />conscience<br /><br />appreciation<br /><br /><br /><br />selfishness (the acceptance of it), hence make allowance for others<br /><br />emotional capacity to support more than 1<br /><br />admiration of friendship, reassurances that eventually led to deceit<br /><br />betrayal pleading for forgiveness, or the lack of guts<br /><br /><br /><br />yet<br /><br /><br /><br />yearning and needs<br /><br />distances put between<br /><br />separation not knowing reunion<br /><br />contacts lost through failing stamina<br /><br />missing the soon to be missing<br /><br /><br /><br />words forever left unsaid...emotional words<br /><br />feelings hidden within, perhaps never to be revealed again<br /><br />concealed<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />k will add more when more words surface after swimming deep in thought.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-21203100394894165782008-07-08T11:04:00.004+08:002008-07-08T11:42:19.466+08:00dota and nspast few weeks have been quite hectic...been on the computer for quite abit and yet havnt had the time to update the blog. rawr. dota competitions rampant every weekend, planning, training, travelling to the different locations have certainly tired me out. im quite exhausted...plus havnt had sufficient sleep for like a month already.<br /><br />and so i got 3rd at WCG HomeTeamNS Balestier, won a Samsung MP3 player...not that it was a really difficult tournament...but at least i learnt quite abit frm the playstyle of a top team Impreza...as well as gd advice frm Ant.<br /><br />went for a compy at some far out marine parade (which i decided to pull the team out since i knew it wouldnt be a worth it investment to stay there the entire day just to play on 10 laptops with 100 over people there - good choice...in the end the reduced the prize money to like $50 + $150 taka voucher and it ended VERY late)<br /><br />the one was @ e2max cine called CyberGamingFestival org by NUS. It was quite a wasted day actually...we won the first two rounds too easily, progressed to the quarters, and met a team that we always lost to...and lost quite badly. everyone was sooo tired by the time it was 6p.m. (we were there at cine since 10)...that people started running into battles 1 by 1 without having clear conscience...and died like flies) That match shouldnt even have been played. We were sucked dry by all the waiting plus playing tower defenses. ah...and the keyboard for my terminal was rather weird...where hotkeys positioning were all messed up...since there was an additional column of keys on the left. arrow became leap...starfall became arrow...and most of the time starfall didnt come out because i kept pressing the arrow hotkey as well. messed up.<br /><br />but then again...even if we had won that match...we couldnt have played on the nxt match due to the fact that it was already late evening on sunday and the guys have to book in.<br /><br /><br />gaming...arranging for training with my team has gotten alot tougher ever since nationalservice began...because the book out times are so unpredictable...it's hard to arrange matches as well as meeting times. even certain competitions we had to skip by virtue of the fact that they are still in camp. its really a headache trying to coordinate everything. most of the compys that we signed up for we went for without any training...using the first few rounds as warm up/training. i guess NS does make it quite hard to play really competitively....at most we go with the intention of getting a few games in...and having fun...spending time with each other.<br /><br /><br />then again...another issue to consider. the team consist of 6-7 people....but the guys who used to hang out together before i started calling a few of them for trainings/competitions have like 10-14 people. everytime i call for training...i feel bad to the rest because im removing 6-7 people from their group...when everyone just want to chill out and have fun together after a long strenuous week at camp.<br /><br />OR i could arrange for training with the team...and the rest of the other guys would come down naturally...and in the end we dont train and end up playing inhouses...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />and so it HAS been stressful...coordinating everything, trying to consider everyone's schedules...their preferences...as well as manage their feelings that everyone is happy. and it IS hard to make everyone happy. yet everyone are friends. i dont want to be the bad guy...<br /><br /><br />its so difficult...and yet so easy to just let everything down and join another team...too many people have asked me to leave my current team and invited me to join theirs. but i've been with this group of friends for so long...if ever i win...i want to win with the current team i have...and not jump bandwagons just to clinch glory where the grass is greener.<br /><br />team synergy WILL prevail some day...<br /><br /><br />there are not many solutions to the problems that i have mentioned earlier...and the only logical solutions is to just quit dota...and move on. but i still want to try...even with the disheartening knowledge that each week would have people stuck in camp...each week i have schedule meetings that are almost impossible to arrange (should i consider the remaining people within the circle of friends...)<br /><br /><br /><br />and<br /><br /><br />i havnt been meeting up with the rest of my friends...friends that i've known for a long long time. i've been neglecting the rest. to me...that isnt healthy...and i dont feel comfortable carrying such guilt around with me. i do miss them alot...yet with each weekend there would be a competition...another excuse to give a close friend that 'im busy because...'<br /><br /><br /><br />somehow...it is a frustration. dota is not an addiction. to me...its an interest...and to a certain extent...a passion. something that drives me to succeed.<br /><br />but<br /><br />should such passion be allowed to overshadow the maintenance of close relationships...to be allowed to cloud or put walls between myself and faith? i cannot allow that to happen...either.<br /><br /><br /><br />rumble. tumble. crumble.<br />rawr.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-26137201804948911092008-05-23T09:23:00.004+08:002008-06-02T12:33:03.227+08:00university...today i felt like blogging. but i didnt have any topic in mind. >.< usually i'd have things on my mind to blog about...thought about over a few days, or at least a few hours. haha so i guess i shall just crap about (i cant believe this. im blogging for the spirit of 'feel like blogging') zzz<br /><br />anyway - i've recently been upset about the local universities' recognition of THE programme. It's rather ridiculous how 3As and 1B can enter NUS med sch, and 41 pts cant. and then they dont even let any1 below the score of <strong>41</strong> go for a law interview.<br /><br />NTU seems to be rejecting us quite alot as well. with 37 pts myself i cant even get a social science course at NTU. the best part about NTU is that they can send a rejection email to my hotmail, and 3 days later to my gmail, a 1 week later finally to my mailbox. they trying to rub it in?<br /><br />lol. i really wonder how they pitch our scores with the A level side. to me its ridiculous since...an A is 70 marks...and 7pts is 85 marks. fortunately, SMU seems quite receptive of THE programme. and overseas universities as well. kudos to those who got rejected by local unis, only to be well received at the top universities of the world =D<br /><br />then again, i could be biased. and i think i deserve not being able to get any course of my choice, since i didnt study hard enough. but i think it's such a pity, since so much was promised to us when the programme was presented to us. and now this. much more should have been and should from now on be done, to help local universities received THE programme better.<br /><br />A reminder: there numerous 4As (probably in the hundreds) in SG, and there were only 20-21 45 pts in the world. 42 pts are rare as well. it just so happens that OUR sch did rather well, so it appears to be easy to achieve that kind of score. but it is not. the higher ups and decision makers should be well aware of the advantages of THE programme, and the fact that the road towards the result wasnt an easy one. CONSIDERING the FACT that the programme was recommended to the school by those higher up, they should be more understanding of THE students.<br /><br />I will be trying to come up with a report to send to the relevant authorities. but i think it'll be hard with the limited time i have. A disclaimer that i should include would be that - the above information and discussion are all speculative - but i feel that some injustice has been served, and i wish to clarify them as soon as possible for the sake of THE future generations to come.<br /><br /><br /><br />HEY HAHA i just blogged about what i have been thinking about. to think that i didnt have any thoughts in my head!<br /><br /><br />(update 03/06/08)<br />blegh lazy me though...after having all those pent up frustrations with the local universities...i dont really feel like doing anything anymore...im thinking of alternatives...perhaps i shouldnt follow the same route as everyone...<br /><br /><br />thinking hard...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-90542929892679519412008-05-06T12:23:00.004+08:002008-05-06T12:59:32.542+08:00regrettable interjectionswe all miss school, dont we?<br /><br />...yet whilst we were at school, we wished lessons would end faster, that we could go home faster, that 'if only weekends would come faster'. we'd bask in the rays of hope - for our school to declare another day a holiday.<br /><br />yet now it has 'fastly' ended, school has.<br /><br />life always seems to be full of regrets - 'now that it has ended we'd wish that it didnt, that we could have done much more, that we could have been better students, that we could have made that one more friend'. isnt it a torture? to live in such a world where we always look backwards, to gd times spent, to fond memories that we almost always wish that we could relive them?<br /><br />but yet, alongside these regrets would come pleasant feelings, of experiences that once were. These are the memories that we'd hold preciously close to our hearts, that give us strength to carry on, experiences that make us who we are today.<br /><br />how should we say it - our past experiences are like sweet and sour tasting food? we need these memories to hold us steady, yet in holding us steady they waver us too - to think of the past, to regret, to be pained, to feel stained.<br /><br />so in life there is nothing as pure pleasure, pure enjoyment? nothing good comes if there's nothing bad? everything has to be taken with a pinch of salt? seems like that to me. that living like that is realistic living - whereas those who live in dreamworld would one day finally wake up into a world of nightmares.<br /><br />people would say - 'just live lah!' or 'think so much for what?'<br />i am slowly beginning to agree with that totally. what for think, talk about things that would dilute our experiences, pollute the naturally pleasant environment that we enjoy so much? just live for the moment, remember the past, but with these hold on to them and move forward.<br /><br />imagine if you're watching a movie, and in actual fact you are broke, but you decided to catch that movie with your very good friend because you felt that it would have been worth it - and halfway through the movie your friend suddenly pops the question - 'eh i think we shouldnt have watched this movie if we couldnt afford it'. immediately that would have an effect on yourself and your friend - the regret (let's term this regrettable interjections). The moment is spoilt, and you'll never rememeber that night as the perfect one. isnt that just very sad?<br /><br /><br />perhaps then we could come to this conclusion that - nothing should be done if there is knowledge that you would regret it. if you proceed with a certain action or decision, and then later regret it - then that's fine. because at least you might have enjoyed the moments without any regrettable interjections.<br /><br /><br /><br />im just...talking nonsense again - AND thinking too much. but i should think that what was discussed above would make SOME sense - dont you think? i hope. haha.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />oh how much i miss you so...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15921211.post-59501791817969487072008-04-16T09:20:00.005+08:002008-04-22T21:32:12.022+08:00contradictions, conflictsThere's always this conflict<br /><br />you would understand something so much, yet you wont do it<br /><br />for example:<br />you know that it is impt to study hard, for your future is at stake. what if you dont make it to the university? what if you dont get a scholarship? what if you couldnt get a job nxt time? how are you going to survive, earn your keep?<br />yet,<br />you dont move. you continue to do what you do everyday. waste your time away.<br />so<br />so what if you understood the importance of studying hard, when you arent getting up on your feet to make a difference in your life?<br /><br />for example:<br />you know it is bad to smoke. you've seen all the warning signs everywhere - since you started watching tv, reading newspaper, reading posters, listening to teachers at school warn about dangers of smoking.<br />still,<br />you smoke, not because its a cool thing to do, but to relief stress, for it to be a past time<br /><br />for example:<br />you know you are going to get hurt, yet you still dare to tell the girl you like her, and hope and wish so hard that she would reciprocate<br />but<br />deep in your heart, you know she belongs to someone else. and you know that it would spoil the friendship with her that was already going so well.<br />why? why would you still do it?<br /><br /><br />so what if you knew the warning signs, knew all about the situation, saw it from so many different points of view - the good, the bad? - you'd still have to choose 1 path to follow. and once you choose, you defy all other viewpoints that you had previously. you would contradict all but one.<br /><br /><br />choices. yet impulses. strange - this world.<br />you cannot be everything, thinking everything, and doing everything<br />choices are ultimately everything. and they make up who you are.<br />although i believe, the choices we make, dont always reflect who we really are.<br />choices, after all, are made either upon too careful consideration, or rash impulse.<br /><br /><br /><br />to grow. to learn. to fail. to succeed.<br />the lamentations of life. my life, yours.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0