illuminate-thoughts

some writing, spliced (ramblings, if you like)

2011-05-12T04:03:00.000+08:00

During the initial few weeks of the 2nd sem at school, i sort of came up with 4 important tools for better social interaction:

1. People profiling
2. Perception management
3. Expectation management
4. Sincerity

Let's go tool by tool:

People profiling
People profiling takes place before and during the first conversation, and continues throughout a prolonged association, a relationship, as well as future interactions. It's really a natural thing that people do whenever they meet new people. Perhaps a suitable word to be used here would be to 'suss' out someone new - gathering information about the other person in order to make a couple of decisions.

The first decision would perhaps be whether or not we would even want to talk or have any association with that person. The second decision would probably be the types of conversations that we would probably have with that person. The third decision that follows after a couple of moments of interaction would possibly be the degree of association or relationship we would probably have with the other person.

But i'd like to think that 'people profiling' goes deeper than that. 'Suss-ing' people out is something that most of us do subconsciously, most of the time. We would not normally go into a certain interaction 'blind' and simply begin it. What i am advocating (or currently am), would be an active 'suss-ing' out of people. Now how do we do this? (Perhaps i would elaborate on these in the future, but for now, some surface details)

On the first level, we would want to find out what kind of person we are interacting with. Is he a good person, is he a bad person? Now what i am probably doing here is actually asking people to 'judge people' upon perhaps their first impression. We all know that this is not always the best idea, since given more time, we would tend to understand the person better. Ultimately, whether or not we like it, we tend to make this subconscious read on people within the first minute of interaction. While i am asking is for people to actively give an initial assessment of the new person, with a pinch of salt, in that we should make allowances for changes to this assessment as the duration of interaction increases. This initial assessment is important, especially in a room of more than 20 people, since perhaps by the end of a meeting, a seminar, a conference, you would probably not have the chance to interact with all 20 or more people. Why is this important? To make informed decisions about people (as discussed previously). When is this important? Whenever we are called to make decisions about people, whether or not it would be to include someone in a project team, recruitment of sorts, or for invitation to future engagements, we need a measured impression of the other party in question. Not in all situations do we have to profile everyone in the room, just those that are important, and would become important to us in the future. In other words, we need to be able to first identify our potential partners of interaction, and then conduct an active profiling of those particular people.

The second level of people profiling would be to assess their capabilities, as well as their willingness to contribute and engage. I would not say that this level of profiling is as simple as the first, or if you would like, fair to the potential partners of interaction. Sometimes you can get a direct read off a potential partner's words ('i just want a job that i can relax, take it easy, and wait for the money to come to me') or hand actions (whether or not they are aggressive, demanding etc.). Sometimes you've got to read between the lines, look into his/her eyes and decipher certain nuances that you might have missed previously. Body language tells a lot and is essential to this level of profiling. Right now, i'd probably have to clarify that although this might seem like im advocating overthinking, and overreading of situations and people, people profiling is crucial in helping us obtain a better personal stand during a particular interaction, in that we are able to make decisions quicker and more efficiently when the time calls for it. Of course, sometimes we do not want to make our decisions that fast or hastily - what i am asking of people would be for them to actively keep an assessment of people around them, so that when the time calls for it, they would be able to make that informed decision quicker.

The third and deepest level of people profiling (in my opinion), would be to find out, as how i would like to call it, the 'backstory' of people. This is a form of emotional profiling, not easily obtained during the first or even second occurance of interaction, and is a huge privilege whenever given access to it, and should not be taken lightly. What do i mean when i say 'backstory'? Well everyone has their story to tell - be it their family, job situation, relationship status, personal feelings. Not often would you tell a stranger about these stories, personal issues. But whenever we hear of it, best would be from the person himself/herself, we immediately get a better understanding of the person standing in front of us - the potential partner of interaction. In a sense, there is a delicate emotional trust forged whenever this happens. However, i would like to say that whenever we encounter an occurance of trust-relationship, we immediately have to tread carefully. This level of people profiling would have to go hand in hand with my 4th tool of interaction - sincerity. Without the heart of sincerity, sometimes we would end up misplacing trust, misusing stories...we would become 'interaction beasts' with personal information about other people.

Finding out someone's 'backstory' gives a certain degree of 'fairness' back to this approach of interaction. It asks for us to understand someone better, before placing a certain judgment or before making an informed decision about someone.

People profiling helps us make informed decisions when the time calls for them. It is a tool that we can use to help us better understand people around us, and also a tool that helps us interact with people better in general. While this tool seems rather high-handed, it also serves as a key to my 2nd and 3rd tool of social interaction - perception management and expectation management.

To be continued...

Semester 2 concludes

2011-04-18T19:23:00.002+08:00

Alas it's the end of year 1, semester 2. what a tiring semester it has been, yet an extremely fulfilling one i'd say. just had my last paper today - introduction to economics. hope that went well. Over the next few days, i'll be doing a couple of reflections (or rather musings) about the past semester, to document some of my thoughts and feelings. the aim would probably be to account for and analyze some of the stuff that i picked up, as well as to project my strategy for the next semester. I hope to address the following:

4 approaches to social interaction

Social awareness and integration

Presentation skills

Meetings

Been actually looking forward to typing all my thoughts out. haha. we'll see whether i'll be able to maintain my motivation over the next few days. also, a couple of things that i plan to do during this summer holidays:

Learn a couple of chinese songs on the piano

Develop a sustainable exercise regime

Obtain an internship or get a day job

Prepare for the next semester

First though, i'll probably have to spend the next few days recuperating from the horrendous sleep cycles i have been having for the past few week! till next time!

anew

2010-12-31T21:27:00.005+08:00

2010 has been a very strange and eventful year. perhaps that's because it is the year after we've all completed national service. and gotten out of the protection of acs. and travelled a little here and there. it has been a year of so many experiences, and growth.

i have not many regrets in my life thus far. 2010 has not been one filled with it. my only regret...perhaps is letting something go. it was the right decision at that time. perhaps i will not regret it eventually. but i still think about it every now and again. and i miss it. alot.

2010 was also my first semester at smu. i didnt do so well. not well at all actually. but still enough to be on track to graduate with a decent degree. i feel that i could do better. definitely. and i want to. which will be what would be my main focus for the first half of 2011. i really have to limit my gaming. by quite alot. and i believe that i will do it. because i am a competitive person naturally. when i see my friends overseas doing so well...i feel that i could be doing more for myself. i dont believe that i am any weaker or less capable. i will score in 2011. that is simple and is my first resolution.

another resolution would be to construct a set of personal values and beliefs to hold true for as long as they are. and i will start with one. sincerity. i believe that i have always been, in most circumstances, a sincere person. and i will continue to be, to an even greater extent in 2011.

my thoughts stop for now. perhaps i'll continue again later.

happy new year everyone.

So Concludes the 1st Semester

2010-11-27T00:55:00.003+08:00

Today marks the end of my first semester at college...and what a strange semester it has been.

Some things still have not changed...but i believe that i have grown quite considerably over the past few months. I have gained much more insights and realizations about life, as well as increasingly, greater self-actualization. It has certainly been a meandering path walked, and still, a long way to go...

And so when we mark the end of a chapter, we start a new page with a few things in mind. There are a couple of things that i hope to achieve within this break before i start the new semester next year:

1) The Hotel Project
2) The Auditing (Human Resource) Research
3) Applications for a Hotel Management School (tentative)
4) The Yiruma piece
5) Establishment of an exercise regime
6) Rebooting The Sleep Cycle

Should i succeed in accomplishing the above mentioned aims, i will be considerably elated, and i would be able to say that i had been extremely effective. Otherwise, the completion of the first 4, in their particular order would be reasonably sufficient.

And then some thoughts, personal beliefs that have been cultivated, for contemplation:

- Perception management
- Profiling
- Sincerity

For now.

life

2010-10-09T00:50:00.002+08:00

i just remembered that i had a blog! hahaha. it's really been some time since i've been here. perhaps i should do some updates!

firstly, i've ORD-ed! hahaha. that's been like 8 months ago already. i really do miss being in camp actually, as much as i dreaded going to camp everyday. the office was really quite a nice place after awhile...and it sort of felt like i owned it...had my own desk, the officers were really nice people...things were quite easy going then...with nothing much to think about...life felt slow then. of course there were those stressful periods, and those days where i really hated to travel all the way there, sit at my desk...and then travel all the way back. but still...fond memories are hardly ever forgotten. breakfasts and lunches were nice too, with a couple of awesome ac friends, and the fellow NSFs that were at the building...food was comparatively cheaper too. miss eating the yong tau foo there...it always felt healthy to eat and the auntie was really nice to talk to. haha well well...

i was in Shanghai from February till July...doing a Language program at Fudan University. it was truly a memorable experience being there...and i only wish that it were longer...but we all had to move on in our lives...with university starting and future careers beckoning. i went there for the overseas exposure...since i was gonna stay in Singapore to study anyway. independence, freedom...a house of my own...those really felt good... and the people that i met there were awesome...so were the people that i got to know a lot better... sigh i really do think about life then a lot...and i would give anything to go back to that life...with a secured career of course! the cats (Gizmo and Guchette) that we had at our place were lovely too...i do miss them quite alot and wish so much that i could bring them back. Gizmo used to sit at the door of my room, waiting for me to come out, or waiting for a chance to go into the room... initially he was really really playful...but towards the end...before i left...he changed somewhat...like he matured...or perhaps he knew that we were leaving...and was sad...he would come onto my bed and lay there silently...purring gently... ahh i do miss them cats alot. hmm...my chinese did improve as well actually...or rather...it got revised there and i am more willing to speak chinese nowadays..with the pronounciation corrected as well...haha. but it definitely did not get as good as i expected...hanging out with international kids who spoke english...and my fellow darling singaporeans didnt help one bit. hahaha. but still...shanghai was really really superb for me and given another chance...i would go back to visit some day...see the old house...walk the old road at wudonglu...buy something from lawsons, eat the shou zhua bing and shisha at helens...hahaha.

well and now i am at SMU. doing the business course there. uni life's really as expected. lots of assignments and project work, presentations, classroom participation. nothing out of the ordinary actually. it seems like everyone's always really stressed about something...and working really hard. somehow though...i don't feel the pressure. it's really strange... i know i havent been working really hard...or putting in alot of effort...but i can sort of visualize how my SMU experience would be like...and i do not fear. everything seems...predictable. hmmm i shall get into the mode of working hard REAL soon i guess...see how far i can go with the first and second sem.

yupyup. that's my current life now i guess.

im really missing the people that have went overseas. life's just different without them around... but i gotta get on with my own life too...like they are too...work hard everyone! we'll meet again when we do :)

image preservation and sensitivity

2009-12-30T12:13:00.004+08:00

im in a real bad state guys. at the moment.

ok maybe not so bad. but a few decisions i made recently based on my need to preserve my image and pride have cost me quite a lot.

i really dont know why i care so much about what other people think about me. + im a perfectionist. i hate it when people wrong me...i hate it when people think of me as lesser...i hate it when people misunderstand me...and i hate to leave bad impressions on people. i really dont know why i cant just find comfort/confidence from within myself, knowing exactly who i am and what i am capable of. why must i care so much.

i find myself complaining, or explaining alot...doing reflections and having a little difficulty letting go of the past. as much as i like to counsel people to live and let live...i face these same problems myself everyday. i cant really ever forget...and i tend to like to try to make things better, soothen out every issue that i come across.

and i wish i was more thick-skinned. seriously. being nice, being accommodating has cost me much thus far this life. worse if people dont even appreciate. yet i do it automatically. i must be the nice guy...the one who gives way...the one who must have a bigger heart...sometimes i dont even think about what im doing till im halfway through doing it and then i realize what i am doing.

im dead broke. and its all my own fault.

sorry guys for the rambling again. but i just had to let it out somewhere. here i guess

more ramblings

2009-09-01T14:36:00.004+08:00

as usual, i've taken a long time to update.
as usual, nothing much has changed since my last post
as usual, im still stuck playing dota and not really doing much else in life
as usual, im thinking of those things that need to be done to make my life much more meaningful
as usual, i know of my potentials and of the places that i could go...but once again, i fail myself in terms of taking any form of action.

as usual, im regretting...and lamenting on these facts...when i jolly well know what the possibilities are should i GET UP on my feet and start MOVING. as usual...i dont do anything about them.

instead im reduced to writing on this blog time and time again...about my life's regrets and oh how i wish i could STOP all these 'as usual's'. pathetic. and so superficial. nothing's real. and people who read this blog...post after post will soon develop this perception of jityew.blogspot.com. 'ah dont bother reading anymore...probably about the same old shit'. and the truth is - you're probably right. but i cant help it. i got no one else to complain to or whine to since i've probably already told everyone of my so-called 'situation' about 2 years ago. im still stuck within =/

i want change. i wish i could wake up one fine morning and find out that there was no such thing as DotA. that i havn't been playing such a game for 5-6 years. that no one would ever mention to me about such a game because it never existed. unfortunately, this kind of thinking wont get me anywhere. it's not realistic. the truth is...i've been stuck...entrapped...snared by this single game. i havnt played any other games by sheer fear of being hooked on to multiple games and hence taking up more of my precious little time left.

its really frustrating...how i KNOW and yet NOT DO. i know its harmful...i know im not really doing anything else in life...i know that i should start seriously considering where i wanna be 1 year's time. i know i should be trying to reapply for scholarships again.

i know this...i know that. sigh. its really quite horrid. how much do i value my future? do i really have that much potential that i can DONT plan my future and yet believe that everything will still fall in place? is that the mindset that i have grown up to believe? that everything will settle for itself and that my future will be successful regardless of what i do now? i cannot allow myself to believe in such things. im no longer that young. im no longer that immature. i should be growing up more now...understanding more about life and therefore doing things that will contribute to my future.

i know this i know that. i should be i should do. i could be i could do. rawr. its really scary huh. pure blatant outrageous complacency. simply that and probably nothing else.

alright let's make a to-do list of things that GOT TO BE DONE before the end of october. and i shall make a promise to this blog (im not really very gd with promises...and i hardly issue out any in the first place for fear of not being able to keep them) that i will update in 2 weeks time to check my progress:

Immediate tasks -

Apply for PDL asap before Sept 7
Sign up for HSK exam with Crestar.
Complete Les Roche application form and submit.
Complete Fudan Immersion app. form and submit.
Find a good vocal instructor and start lessons

Other long-term tasks or things that can take slightly longer to settle -

Research on other good hospitality schools in the world...as wells as courses offered in singapore that would link me up with colleges overseas.
Research on hospitality scholarships in singapore...as well as the possibility of hotels offering scholarships.
Apply for STB/MFA/PSC scholarships
Go to the gym once a week (establish the weekly regime)
Reconsider dance classes.
Research dividends. Stamford land, Macquarie, Rotary etc.

i think that's all for now. hopefully i would be able to complete at least half of those that i mentioned. that would certainly be an achievement. HAHA.

alright nxt time i shall write about my dreams and my possible future career paths. 'HOTELS'!

what i am to do with my life at the present...and in the future

2009-07-22T15:39:00.004+08:00

with slightly less than 6 months to go at the place i have been at for more than 1 and a half years...i really need to start considering what i am to do after it all ends.

considering my university - fudan university, les roche hospitality school (switzerland), or smuBIZ.

i just returned from shanghai a few days ago. it wasnt exactly a blast...but it was fun all the same. and from the trip, i realized three important things. the first was that i was...and am still a good boy =P. the second was that i realized how powerful china is at the moment...and how huge a potential it has in terms of economic and social development. the third (is sort of linked to the second realization) was that i realized the importance of chinese! ever since young, i havnt really appreciated the language. in fact, i dreaded studying it. because of my dislike for the language, i didnt do too well @ school...and had to attend many tuition classes on the subject. in fact, for nearly 10 years...the only tuition class that i ever attended was CHINESE tuition...and i probably went to more than 10 different teachers/classes outside in search for the best chinese class. dont get me wrong, those tuition classes never went to waste. i did make it into EM1 when the time came...and studied 高级华文(higher chinese) from p5 all the way to secondary 3. i dropped it in secondary 4 when i realized it did not matter whether i took the eventual O's exam in sec4 since i was doing IB already. but yes...it was a struggle all the way for my chinese learning curve and i was somewhat relieved when it was all over.

well but now upon returning from shanghai, changzhou...the passion to learn or at least beef up my chinese is fired up. haha for once i actually want to learn chinese! i felt quite bad for myself when i couldnt speak perfect chinese to the locals when i was there. a tad bit embarrassing and annoying, in fact. but as to how to go about improving my chinese...i dont really know how. for now, i shall start messaging in chinese...muahaha. i changed my interface to chinese as well! for those who read this blog and do receive my messages from time to time...please feel free to correct my chinese and help me! AND i've decided to speak chinese whenever i can. BLEGH i dont think this passion/drive will last very long...probably JUST another phase...but i'll 拖延 as long as i can and see how far i go.

which brings me back to my application for fudan university. i think it would be fun going over to study there...improve my chinese, get an overseas education...and study the subjects that i actually do want to study...public policy, international relations etc. my parents will even support my education there...because the cost isnt that far from that of studying in singapore. AND i think i'll become very relevant for the future as chinese blooms and the world is forced to communicate with them increasingly. HOWEVER, i do have a barrier, which is to pass the hua yi shui ping kao shi level 6. i got no idea how pass it provided i actually set aside time to study for it. and applications for the university end in july/august. which means that time IS running out. BOO. i want to study there but i think in some way i want the easy way out as well. what a bum i am.

as for the swiss university - les roche, i think its actually quite suitable for me. hospitality and hotel management, that is. according to my parents, some friends, and myself (yes i do believe it too), my personality and character fits the job. and yes i'll have the overseas education in a european country...AND i'll be doing something different from the rest of my schmates! the other option would be cornell...they have a good similar course program there as well...but i think it would be interesting to study in switzerland. and since young, somehow, i've been hearing that swiss hospitality is NUMBER ONE. 第一名。哈哈 HOWEVER, a big problem is the cost of study there...which will be approx 150k. there's no way my parents are going to sponsor me to study there, even if they support the idea of me going there to study. i either have to take up a student loan...(which i dont know whether i can or HOW to apply for one in the first place)...or go along with my master plan of getting sponsored there. hehe. basically i will go ahead with the application to les roche first. after getting accepted (IF i do get accepted) i will go around to the different hotels in singapore and bang on their doors asking whether ANY of they are wiling to sponsor my study there and i will promise to work for them once im back in singapore. HAHA. sounds crazy lah...but i am willing to try! or does anyone know any proper channels by which i can apply for sponsorship (hospitality, by hotels)? so yes i cannot afford to be lazy should i actually want to end up in an overseas university this time nxt year. FIGHT!

as for SMU, studying in singapore has been something i have imagined myself doing ever since young. and then going overseas for a masters year. sounds more reasonable...but less adventurous and more towards the norm. not that i mind actually...but im also afraid of the stressss that singapore's education generally GENERATES. its quite silly actually...when i think of it. should i compete with people who have international certs in the future for the same job, our chances of getting the job is somewhat the same (excluding interview, personality etc.)...and maybe theirs would be better, since they have graduated from an overseas university. in that case why should i stress myself up studying in a singapore university? my friends who are currently studying in singapore seem so stressed up and NOT relaxed at all. its not that i havnt been thru the singaporean brand of education...for 12 years i have been through it...and maybe im done with it. we'll see. i'll have to work hard towards applying for elsewhere if i want to escape the sg-edu-sys-vortex. hurhur.

WORK. after i complete my service...i would have approx 3-6 mnths to float around b4 i start on my uni education. i need to find a job that i would enjoy and do something for which time passes very fast everyday. and a job that pays me at least $1400++ to support my spending and at the same time allow me to save some money. but how to go about finding such a job? where are the channels for application? will they pay a temp (6mnths) $1400?? yes that is something that i have to think about during this 6 mnths.

popping! i've completed the course. 结束了。it was FUN and it was a neat skill to pick up. and for those 7-8 tuesday nights, i was doing something OTHER than dota. and i got to catch up a little with an old friend feng ze. the entire thing was really cool. my only regret was that i was unable to dedicate my entire time to practicing (i am still currently playing/training dota for competitions)...which meant that i wasnt really up to the class's standard. quite a number of them had background dancing already...some even picked up the style of dance before the class started. for me, i just wanted to have fun, and do something different! and i think i achieved that! haha. maybe i'll sign up again in the future. for now...my tuesday nights will be freed up. sign up for another course perhaps? another style of dance...or another type of course...singing/chinese class...ahha.

people come and go. its quite frightening sometimes. how your goodbye suddenly becomes the last goodbye...at least for a long long time. the last handshake. the last good hug. and then whooosh...he's/she's gone.

but we can't help it. its not our fault. its not yours.

i think the most important thing is not to have any regrets with regards to these 'passing-by' people. it is inevitable that people enter and exit our lives. eventuality catches up. but we MUST TRY NOT HAVE REGRETS. that way we can let go of them easier, and there would be less of a burden on our minds.

-to be continued- quite a long post and i think i should take a break to prevent long windedness and talking nonsense (not that the post isnt filled with alot of 'them' already =P)

2009-05-18T09:00:00.004+08:00

the human mind is so fickle. or we youngsters just cant settle down yet...

previously i was thinking about going to shanghai to study...do international relations and public policy. but there were a few barriers...and i guess i was rather lazy to overcome them. =/ maybe i'll try to get at it again in August.

at the moment...im really looking to Switzerland - studying hospitality. there used to be a scholarship given by Hilton Hotel for students to go to Switzerland to study...i saw it last year in a newspaper clipping. i wonder whether they still have it or not. if i could actually GET the scholarship...i think that it would be my dream to go there. i have no prior experience to hospitality though...

otherwise i guess its SMUbiz for me...for now.

wei da

2009-05-09T14:56:00.005+08:00

recently, whilst on the bus home...i was pondering upon something of the past...and i felt that it would make quite a good reflection piece.

hmm...there was a period in time in my life that i thought i was selfless. or at least i thought i COULD be wei3 da4 (magnanimous in Chinese). i thought i could shoulder the world's problems...take on everyone's burden...and make the people around me a lot happier. i thought that i could be everyone's 'hero'. i really believed that i could take stabs for people...suffer deep wounds and cuts by myself...and smile at everyone, pretending that everything was okay. i was on my way to becoming a 'great' and 'nice' guy...or so i thought.

slowly...i wasnt the smiley person i was. i became quite emotional and depressed. i knew that things were happening around me because i had allowed them to. i knew some changes were made because of me. people noticed that i had changed...and they tried to help. i was crumbling inside...watching, listening, knowing...and yet not doing anything. because i had allowed those things to happen...why should i stop it now? wouldnt i end up hurting everyone? wasn't this the entire purpose of my being wei da...accommodating everyone but myself? i had thought that i was big hearted and magnanimous.

unfortunately...i could hold my thoughts and feelings in no longer. being me, my personality and the need to confide in people...i started to talk to people closer around me about the entire issue. it was something i could no longer contain. progressively, i was defeating myself...destroying the image of myself as a 'wei3 da4 de3 ren2'. i needed people to know my pain. i needed people share it with me. i needed sympathy.

and i became pathetic. pathetic for pitying myself. and for needing sympathy, comfort. in the end...i guess i was only human. i had feelings...i needed love...and i wanted people to know what i was going through.

hmm i cant continue this post. =/ its so depressing. ANYWAY im all over it already. im much better now...i know where my limits are...and im more down to earth nowadays. and i believe that i understand more about people and myself through the experience.

i grew...

2009-03-20T14:42:00.001+08:00

could i not have a title? i hopefully the browser wont stop me from posting this title-less post...cause i dont really feel like typing/talking about anything solid or topical =X haha. ANYHOW!

anyway tmr's gonna be HOPEFULLY the last Compaq and Presario League (CAPL) Dota competition i'll ever take part in. NOT that it isnt an honor to be part of the elite teams competing in this by invites-only compy (we qualified for this compy only last season)...but i think it should stop here...and i really should get on with life. Thing is...there will be two key members missing tmr...jq and wes...both part of the original team and both crucial members. for tmr it'll be myself, ong, rebirth, darren (HBK*) and either darren's friend or des|matt. we got a relatively small bracket...although i wouldnt underestimate the others within the bracket - on the basis that this is indeed gonna be a tough competition where everybody had to fight to get in...haha we wont be looking to win this...but hopefully we'll all play well and do our best...and then it'll really be a satisfying finish to all the compys that i've taken part in thus far. alright enough of gaming

i just sent in my psc scholarship application...wasnt easy thinking and typing out the statement of purpose...rawr. and i coughed it up rather in a hurry just b4 the deadline of 2359 on 17 Mar. i had been thinking about it for the past few weeks but i just didnt know how to go about writing it. im glad im done with it though. hopefully i'll be considered for an interview...but with 37pts i wouldnt even dare squint into the darkness to find any whatsoever light . MFA! i might actually go into foreign affairs in the future even if i did not make it for scholarship. i think im more or less closing down on to what i remotely feel would be the most suitable job for me in the future. policy writing maybe...banking (marketting)...public affairs...foreign affairs.

dam disappointing that i havnt gone down to bbdc to attend that talk that every school-registered student has to attend so that i can sign up for my BTT...can u believed that i signed up with the school 2 months ago and havnt even registered for my BTT yet?? i really nid to get this driving thing going asap so that maybe by this year i can actually drive around...especially during the period after my ord. dang. i really should go down to bbdc to get things rolling...

havnt gone down to crestar yet to sign up for those chinese lessons either...at this rate my application for china is gonna be even slower since i probably wont be ready for the april HSK exam OR the application window of fudan in may-june period. gah. maybe psc would help with my application but then again its wishful thinking that psc would consider me this round.

gah im ranting here again...

work's getting a tad bit depressing nowadays. with 10 months or so left to go im beginning to really FEEL it. people i've known for 12 months, maybe even longer are slowly making their way out into the world and only a few that i came in with are around. seeing their gleeful happy faces...i feel happy for them...but certainly deep sorrow for myself. but im sure it'll be over soon b4 i know it...but on a day by day basis...its really quite strenuous to get up early in the morning and come into work. well...i just wished work was more meaningful...or at least i wished that i myself could make it more interesting and fulfilling. but i dont seem to be interested or motivated to do anything beyond my requirements and that's probably why the sian-ness of it all has been settling around my emotional space. im thankful that my dad seems to understand it and takes the trouble to send me to the furthest bus stop possible so that i wouldnt have to take 2 buses to get to work but only 1 direct one. it really makes my day easier and less tiring travelling to work.

anyhow im done...cant think of anything to write atm...maybe it's cause my mind drifted away from this page.

till nxt time =)

A Jit's Life

2009-02-20T12:00:00.005+08:00

its really strange how i just have no mood to blog these days...
or maybe its not that i have no mood...perhaps i've decided to stop being honest with myself
or maybe im just reluctant to share everything that has been going through my mind these days
or maybe im just unable to express my feelings in words since my vocab is somehow shrinking at an alarming rate.
or maybe im just lazy, like we've discussed before. ZzzZzzZzz

this is NOT GOOD.

anyway...there's still like 11 mnths before i complete my NS...actually close to 10 mnths left now that feb's 20 days past. i believe what im gonna do over this period of time...as well as after-NS-before-uni time will determine, to a certain extent, the direction for which my life will take its course. SO IT IS IMPORTANT. IMPERATIVE that i get my act together.

i have a confession to make. im tired of play dota games. im tired of entering a game trying to take control of the game by myself due to really astonishingly incapable incompetent teammates (80% of the time i end up having to do this 1 versus 5 thing). im tired of starting a game knowing that im probably gonna lose...and that EVEN if i win (after fighting mostly 1v5 battles) the opponent HOST will just DISCONNECT me and end up having a game recorded WIN in his favour and LOSE in my records (so many cheaters out there). im also tired of competitive farming (earning gold in dota terms) - and i hate the stress.

slowly, im growing weary of the number of times i report to bukit timah IRC for our regular lan sessions and having less than enough people to play (7 people, 3v4; 5 people, trying to find 5 friends who would probably get thrashed quite badly by us - and we'll all end up killstealing (KS) from each other). for the lack of people i have to blame NS. in any case...i like hanging out with the bunch of them. but i just wish that we could do something more meaningful...or at least something a little different...

but i still play.

and so i have to get on with my driving. i've only registered myself with the driving centre at BBDC...but i havnt gone for the introductory talk...neither have i registered for my BTT...really really slow in doing anything BAH.

perhaps china. but i gotta take some lessons to prepare for HSK. that will be a challenge. to sign up for the lessons. and to take the test. and then the difficulty of studying in chinese. =/ i might just end up staying in singapore and doing smubiz. but i think i'll give it a try and see how. we'll see

applying for scholarships/uni is like some daunting task. personal statements which i havnt a clue how to do (just lazy to check i bet -.-)...what i believe in...what are my goals...why this scholarship...why that university...most of my application forms are half completed. name, nric, ib score...and then blank blank...SOME i did fill up...but point form, or incomplete. i need to be serious!

i think...i need a competitor.

in any case...the above post is like...a FEW issues that i have been thinking about...but there's still so many others that...(refer to the start of this post for reasons)...and i end up not typing out any here.

SEE YOU!

ramblings of a jityew

2009-01-12T11:01:00.006+08:00

once again...once again jityew jit yew YOU have not posted in SUCH a LONGLONG time. nothing to post, or lazy to post? i think both! nothing to post because there hasnt been any change to my lifestyle and the things that i have been doing. still the same old things that i SICKENINGLY still enjoy like DOTA and hanging out with the guys. its really fun...and yet somehow really does not have any bearing to my future. ahhh my future...its not that i nvr think about it...in fact i think about it all the time...i KNOW that im not moving forward in life...yet im stuck. stuck in this vortex of doingnothingness and achieving nothing.

i like to believe that i was an overachiever who did loads of things and actually succeeded in ALOT of them. that was last time. a year ago for many years of my life. and right now im stuck. i know i cannot continue on like this. not especially since it is a new year. and its already 1 year that i have been stagnating. and its 1 year to my university. UNIVERSITY!!! acsi ib 2008 batch did so well that im glad i actually applied for SMU biz and got in with my meagre points. it would have been NOWHERE in the 'Considered Applications' pile if i were to apply this year...OR maybe maybe it'll still be there...but not for smulaw/nuslaw anymore. rawr. anyhow...these days i've been thinking why in the world am i doing business in the first place. i should be doing political science, public policy, hospitality. these are where my strengths lie...or so i would like to believe. business? so that i can go into a bank and do marketing? do i have to do business to get into a bank to do marketing? SEE i dont even know all these things...i need an educational counselor at my 24-7 side answering my random thoughts about uni and what i could do.

mom suggests going to china to study. it is attractive...going overseas to study. china? why not? but i dont think im brave enough to study everything in chinese...especially so since the only real tuition that i ever had was CHINESE...since pri 2 onwards...private tutors, tuition centres...private tutors. i agree with my parents though...studying in china would definitely give me an edge over alot of people...even maybe over people who go oxbridge and other UK/US university. rise of the dragon rise of the dragon. i will still consider. how to apply? blegh.

do i sound helpless? i dont think i am...but somehow i sound like im helpless. not knowing what to do...where to go. i DO know how i should go about doing things....but gahh. maybe im just getting very lazy and just not WANTING to do anything.

my conscious is floating around and not stabilizing. my personality is not sound enough yet. i need to root. somewhere where i could get water in abundance...and sunlight to bask in every day. for me to be solid and firm. to be confident and not doubt myself.

i will be better. better than ever. but when. i should think it starts now. WHO HAS SMU BIZ NOTES? hmm but first i will get myself to sign up for driving. and then maybe japlssns/karaoke/dance. MAYBE.

1 step at time bah...but steadily progressing...and i shall stop here. these ramblings...for now.

nearly a year has passed

2008-11-09T16:19:00.004+08:00

hello one and all who have been reading and re-reading my posts because i simply havnt been diligent (omg what would be the better word to put here...prudent?) in updating my blog.

and so my NSF life is nearly at its 12 mnth mark (my ord is 13 Jan 2010 =.=) honestly i feel that it has gone by rather shockingly fast. i do know that the beginning of the second half of my NSF life will be rather dry and draggy...everything already learnt and experienced; and basically, i'll be doing very repetitive stuff. but the nxt half, like the first, will come and go and soon i'll be out to the university.

ok now i shall do some reflections for the past year:

i realized that i havnt been giving my all to the office that im working in now. officers are nice...the place is nice...my life is nice and i just dont work as hard as i could. or as i should. there has been simply no motivation for me to work better, or work faster. the pay will always be the same. recognition is so minimal that it's not worth it to pursue. basically, every single hour at work is spent looking forward to book out time...and every night is maximised till the very latest...only to spill into the nxt day's wee hours. and everytime i think about it...i believe that my time in NS could have been better spent elsewhere. the office life that i'd hoped to have and learn from dont really reflect the outside working world office life. the menial work...i do loads of them. most of the time im ok with them...but certain tasks really put me off totally.

before this reflective period, the ONLY possible motivation i could think of was to not to let my nice officers down, to make them proud that they have an NSF like me. and somehow...that wasnt enough to spur me on to give my all and be the hardworking guy i used to be.

well a discussion with one of my officers helped me to realize that motivation comes in two folds. the first would be external motivation -This would monetary rewards (pay increment), additional perks benefitted, recognition from my officers and the people within my working atmosphere etc. the second would be internal motivation - This would be my moral character, how i carry myself, how i want myself to be portrayed to the people around me, my self-worth, my dignity as a human being. Integrity. do i slack because i believe that the work that im doing is way beneath my capabilities...or do i give my best in every possible situation because i want to show that i have a consistent, sound personality and moral character?

i believe that internal motivation should be higher placed than external motivation. because it measures self-worth over what others might think of you...over what others can reward you with what you have done. its the real recognition and acknowledgement of one's own existence.
but somehow it doesnt get to me. hmm does this say something of me? i've thought about it and perhaps i just dont value the experience that NS has been giving me right now...for me there's nothing in there that gets interested...motivated. it doesnt even trigger my inner self-respect. but maybe its just me...being not really interested in anything these days...

gah i guess im in a reflective mood...a little bit of the emo-jit that i used to be...but at this half-way pt thru my service experience...i guess its about time i thought things over.

this doesnt make sense with what i have been typing...but i'll try to work better in my office from now on!

update!

2008-09-17T15:47:00.003+08:00

Ahh once again...i took a long time to update my blog! =X

im really getting too lazy. i've been trying to run though...i've done 5 rounds around my house so far. i used to do 10 rounds without any problem. i realized im getting tired more easily now than when i was in sec1-4 (canoeing/dragonboat/guitar/MEP/tuition years) when the schedule was more hectic and my days were sooo packed with activities. now, i require more sleep and i tend to doze off during the late mornings and early afternoons. someone told me (i think it was my dad) that it is because of the lack of exercise - and therefore not keeping fit - that has led to my being so tired easily. sooo i guess i'll be exercising on a more regular basis now. i CANNOT allow half of my day time to be packed with little struggling slumbers here and there. and i probably need to sleep more

past few weeks have been same same somewhat. the life of jit seems to be ever so stagnant. haha. guess what i've been doing? simple really - DOTA! weekdays will find me at home fighting with my siblings for my rights over the usage of my computer (for which is really non-existence...since my rights are on the basis that i need the computer to play! - compared with their need to use it for homework/projects/presentations etc etc.) weekends you can usually catch me at evolution (paradiz) or bukit timah irc. same pattern as ever.

last weekend i took part in the Compaq and Presario League (CAPL) Elite Category Dota Competition. was playing for Team Vendlus. i loved the format (round robin - get to play 3 games!). but the keyboards were the really high class advanced ones where the keyboard has additional keys on the left. which meant that the hotkeys were totally in an uncomfortable position. terrible! its not the first time im playing on such a keyboard...but the last capl i was also quite affected by it. first match against

Team Sweety we were totally smashed flat. i think it was probably because of the unstable draft and not so good laning decisions. second match was against Impreza (either sg no.1 or sg no.2). the draft was:

VnL: Syllabear, Pugna, Tiny, Enigma, Techies (Me!)
Impreza: Pitlord, TS, Lina, Luna, THD

end game score was 42-43 in Impreza's favour. was quite an amusing game. well firstly because we were dq-ed from the start to begin with. the tiny player, Ben, was still getting used to the awfully left-shifted keyboard and pressed 'R' instead of 'E' to learn craggy exterior. the enigma player, Darren, asked for permission to remake the game. Ben turned around to ask the marshall 'can rm?' Darren heard 'can rm. (full stop)' and just quit the game. and so we were dq-ed. great. but we were told to rm and play on (even if match was forfeited) since the game was being casted (shown on the big wide screen for all to watch). techies and tiny turned out to be an awesome combo...and the strat we put forward was surprisingly effective against Impreza's AOE strat. somehow. haha. many funny instances like tiny tossing JoelOng's Sylla to get a kill...only to feed him to a rather shocked lina and ts (the kill got delivered to them). Lem's pitlord brought ts thd and lina along with him using his ulti...and totally melted 3 of our heroes. but we didnt really pressure after the kills...so we lost late game. haha it was indeed an entertaining match. the commentators were VERY lively as well.

3rd match against XtC (Sg no.3 i should think) was QUITE a balanced game as well...somewhat. they were doing some weird strat that actually worked. but i shant explain it here since it'll bore you non-dota players to death. haha. game dragged till about 60 mins. and we lost!

but it was a gd experience...playing against the top teams in singapore. it also gave us a glimmer as to the fact that the top teams can actually be beaten as well! not that we did though. and i wonder whether they were playing seriously.

anyhow...that was my last weekend spent.

gah i need to find some way to boost my income - which is currently a meagre amount (NS pay is like allowance...not really pay). i actually came up with 'budget plan' as to how to spend my money evenly across the month.

annd its been such a long time since i've karaoke-d...even at home with the system up le. miss singing at the top of my voice...(i do pity the neighbours though).

alright i guess i better go. i'll try to update more often. Apologies for the story of my life! =P

lazy

2008-07-30T15:30:00.004+08:00

after inventing many excuses for NOT blogging (for example: no time), i realized that im just plain lazy.

it's not as if there arent any thoughts floating in my head waiting to be splatted out on this page. Rather...im just too lazy to formulate my thoughts into words (let alone crafting beautiful sentences/phrases to make my post much nicer to read). rawr!

a few updates...let's see:

had a pleasant weekend last week staying at home...hardly went out except with my family. had this awesome jap food buffet dinner to celebrate my sis birthday...and watch The Dark Knight on saturday. sun i actually stayed home and lazed around the whole day.

i must say that i was really impressed with heath's (the joker) acting. i went to the movie (The Dark Knight) dreading that it would disappoint me (thanks to all my friends who have been raising and re-raising my expectations for the movie - 'oh it was great you HAVE to catch it' or 'jit it's really gd go catch it as soon as you can' AS WELL AS all the fantastic movie reviews that i have been reading b4 actually watching it.). BUT i was so relieved that i was not disappointed at all. on the contrary i was so glad i found the time to catch it. the last time i saw heath acting was in The Patriot but he wasnt really outstanding then. im not sure about Brokeback mountain and the other movies he did...but he really stole the show this time. On the whole the movie was great. It was the first time a long movie didnt bore me or kept me going 'hurry up and move on'. i was paying attention to every single part of it. i would gladly revisit the theatres to watch it again. -.- sounds like a movie review.

mm yea i didnt go out with the guys (dota gang) the whole of last week...in hope of saving some $$. having been running low for a period of time already. i keep overspending...thinking that the following week i'll just have to spend less but ending up spending just about the same every week...meaning the last week b4 my allowance comes i'll have near to zero. which isnt a gd thing at all. money management is key. i guess i have to learn it the hard way. over and over again. it's been months like that. okay i gotta start limiting myself to a hundred a week. then i'll be gladly safe. blegh. or i nid to find a job

this weekend - WCG @ Kovan CC. this will be the last of the series of WCG Qualifiers. Will be trying our best. but sadly, joelong and mingen wont be able to take part with us. they are actually quite impt to the team. well, the line up for this weekend: jityew, ivan, yoonsup, jiaqing + ? (still looking for 1 more player). We'll meet zenith during the 3rd round. gahz. hope we'll make it till then.

ok im starting to feel lazy again. shall stop here bahz. -.- this is really terrible. soon i'll turn into a sloth. >.<

words, phrases in my mind

2008-07-16T11:06:00.006+08:00

consciousness

conscience

appreciation

selfishness (the acceptance of it), hence make allowance for others

emotional capacity to support more than 1

admiration of friendship, reassurances that eventually led to deceit

betrayal pleading for forgiveness, or the lack of guts

yet

yearning and needs

distances put between

separation not knowing reunion

contacts lost through failing stamina

missing the soon to be missing

words forever left unsaid...emotional words

feelings hidden within, perhaps never to be revealed again

concealed

k will add more when more words surface after swimming deep in thought.

dota and ns

2008-07-08T11:04:00.004+08:00

past few weeks have been quite hectic...been on the computer for quite abit and yet havnt had the time to update the blog. rawr. dota competitions rampant every weekend, planning, training, travelling to the different locations have certainly tired me out. im quite exhausted...plus havnt had sufficient sleep for like a month already.

and so i got 3rd at WCG HomeTeamNS Balestier, won a Samsung MP3 player...not that it was a really difficult tournament...but at least i learnt quite abit frm the playstyle of a top team Impreza...as well as gd advice frm Ant.

went for a compy at some far out marine parade (which i decided to pull the team out since i knew it wouldnt be a worth it investment to stay there the entire day just to play on 10 laptops with 100 over people there - good choice...in the end the reduced the prize money to like $50 + $150 taka voucher and it ended VERY late)

the one was @ e2max cine called CyberGamingFestival org by NUS. It was quite a wasted day actually...we won the first two rounds too easily, progressed to the quarters, and met a team that we always lost to...and lost quite badly. everyone was sooo tired by the time it was 6p.m. (we were there at cine since 10)...that people started running into battles 1 by 1 without having clear conscience...and died like flies) That match shouldnt even have been played. We were sucked dry by all the waiting plus playing tower defenses. ah...and the keyboard for my terminal was rather weird...where hotkeys positioning were all messed up...since there was an additional column of keys on the left. arrow became leap...starfall became arrow...and most of the time starfall didnt come out because i kept pressing the arrow hotkey as well. messed up.

but then again...even if we had won that match...we couldnt have played on the nxt match due to the fact that it was already late evening on sunday and the guys have to book in.

gaming...arranging for training with my team has gotten alot tougher ever since nationalservice began...because the book out times are so unpredictable...it's hard to arrange matches as well as meeting times. even certain competitions we had to skip by virtue of the fact that they are still in camp. its really a headache trying to coordinate everything. most of the compys that we signed up for we went for without any training...using the first few rounds as warm up/training. i guess NS does make it quite hard to play really competitively....at most we go with the intention of getting a few games in...and having fun...spending time with each other.

then again...another issue to consider. the team consist of 6-7 people....but the guys who used to hang out together before i started calling a few of them for trainings/competitions have like 10-14 people. everytime i call for training...i feel bad to the rest because im removing 6-7 people from their group...when everyone just want to chill out and have fun together after a long strenuous week at camp.

OR i could arrange for training with the team...and the rest of the other guys would come down naturally...and in the end we dont train and end up playing inhouses...

and so it HAS been stressful...coordinating everything, trying to consider everyone's schedules...their preferences...as well as manage their feelings that everyone is happy. and it IS hard to make everyone happy. yet everyone are friends. i dont want to be the bad guy...

its so difficult...and yet so easy to just let everything down and join another team...too many people have asked me to leave my current team and invited me to join theirs. but i've been with this group of friends for so long...if ever i win...i want to win with the current team i have...and not jump bandwagons just to clinch glory where the grass is greener.

team synergy WILL prevail some day...

there are not many solutions to the problems that i have mentioned earlier...and the only logical solutions is to just quit dota...and move on. but i still want to try...even with the disheartening knowledge that each week would have people stuck in camp...each week i have schedule meetings that are almost impossible to arrange (should i consider the remaining people within the circle of friends...)

and

i havnt been meeting up with the rest of my friends...friends that i've known for a long long time. i've been neglecting the rest. to me...that isnt healthy...and i dont feel comfortable carrying such guilt around with me. i do miss them alot...yet with each weekend there would be a competition...another excuse to give a close friend that 'im busy because...'

somehow...it is a frustration. dota is not an addiction. to me...its an interest...and to a certain extent...a passion. something that drives me to succeed.

but

should such passion be allowed to overshadow the maintenance of close relationships...to be allowed to cloud or put walls between myself and faith? i cannot allow that to happen...either.

rumble. tumble. crumble.
rawr.

university...

2008-05-23T09:23:00.004+08:00

today i felt like blogging. but i didnt have any topic in mind. >.< usually i'd have things on my mind to blog about...thought about over a few days, or at least a few hours. haha so i guess i shall just crap about (i cant believe this. im blogging for the spirit of 'feel like blogging') zzz

anyway - i've recently been upset about the local universities' recognition of THE programme. It's rather ridiculous how 3As and 1B can enter NUS med sch, and 41 pts cant. and then they dont even let any1 below the score of 41 go for a law interview.

NTU seems to be rejecting us quite alot as well. with 37 pts myself i cant even get a social science course at NTU. the best part about NTU is that they can send a rejection email to my hotmail, and 3 days later to my gmail, a 1 week later finally to my mailbox. they trying to rub it in?

lol. i really wonder how they pitch our scores with the A level side. to me its ridiculous since...an A is 70 marks...and 7pts is 85 marks. fortunately, SMU seems quite receptive of THE programme. and overseas universities as well. kudos to those who got rejected by local unis, only to be well received at the top universities of the world =D

then again, i could be biased. and i think i deserve not being able to get any course of my choice, since i didnt study hard enough. but i think it's such a pity, since so much was promised to us when the programme was presented to us. and now this. much more should have been and should from now on be done, to help local universities received THE programme better.

A reminder: there numerous 4As (probably in the hundreds) in SG, and there were only 20-21 45 pts in the world. 42 pts are rare as well. it just so happens that OUR sch did rather well, so it appears to be easy to achieve that kind of score. but it is not. the higher ups and decision makers should be well aware of the advantages of THE programme, and the fact that the road towards the result wasnt an easy one. CONSIDERING the FACT that the programme was recommended to the school by those higher up, they should be more understanding of THE students.

I will be trying to come up with a report to send to the relevant authorities. but i think it'll be hard with the limited time i have. A disclaimer that i should include would be that - the above information and discussion are all speculative - but i feel that some injustice has been served, and i wish to clarify them as soon as possible for the sake of THE future generations to come.

HEY HAHA i just blogged about what i have been thinking about. to think that i didnt have any thoughts in my head!

(update 03/06/08)
blegh lazy me though...after having all those pent up frustrations with the local universities...i dont really feel like doing anything anymore...im thinking of alternatives...perhaps i shouldnt follow the same route as everyone...

thinking hard...

regrettable interjections

2008-05-06T12:23:00.004+08:00

we all miss school, dont we?

...yet whilst we were at school, we wished lessons would end faster, that we could go home faster, that 'if only weekends would come faster'. we'd bask in the rays of hope - for our school to declare another day a holiday.

yet now it has 'fastly' ended, school has.

life always seems to be full of regrets - 'now that it has ended we'd wish that it didnt, that we could have done much more, that we could have been better students, that we could have made that one more friend'. isnt it a torture? to live in such a world where we always look backwards, to gd times spent, to fond memories that we almost always wish that we could relive them?

but yet, alongside these regrets would come pleasant feelings, of experiences that once were. These are the memories that we'd hold preciously close to our hearts, that give us strength to carry on, experiences that make us who we are today.

how should we say it - our past experiences are like sweet and sour tasting food? we need these memories to hold us steady, yet in holding us steady they waver us too - to think of the past, to regret, to be pained, to feel stained.

so in life there is nothing as pure pleasure, pure enjoyment? nothing good comes if there's nothing bad? everything has to be taken with a pinch of salt? seems like that to me. that living like that is realistic living - whereas those who live in dreamworld would one day finally wake up into a world of nightmares.

people would say - 'just live lah!' or 'think so much for what?'
i am slowly beginning to agree with that totally. what for think, talk about things that would dilute our experiences, pollute the naturally pleasant environment that we enjoy so much? just live for the moment, remember the past, but with these hold on to them and move forward.

imagine if you're watching a movie, and in actual fact you are broke, but you decided to catch that movie with your very good friend because you felt that it would have been worth it - and halfway through the movie your friend suddenly pops the question - 'eh i think we shouldnt have watched this movie if we couldnt afford it'. immediately that would have an effect on yourself and your friend - the regret (let's term this regrettable interjections). The moment is spoilt, and you'll never rememeber that night as the perfect one. isnt that just very sad?

perhaps then we could come to this conclusion that - nothing should be done if there is knowledge that you would regret it. if you proceed with a certain action or decision, and then later regret it - then that's fine. because at least you might have enjoyed the moments without any regrettable interjections.

im just...talking nonsense again - AND thinking too much. but i should think that what was discussed above would make SOME sense - dont you think? i hope. haha.

oh how much i miss you so...

contradictions, conflicts

2008-04-16T09:20:00.005+08:00

There's always this conflict

you would understand something so much, yet you wont do it

for example:
you know that it is impt to study hard, for your future is at stake. what if you dont make it to the university? what if you dont get a scholarship? what if you couldnt get a job nxt time? how are you going to survive, earn your keep?
yet,
you dont move. you continue to do what you do everyday. waste your time away.
so
so what if you understood the importance of studying hard, when you arent getting up on your feet to make a difference in your life?

for example:
you know it is bad to smoke. you've seen all the warning signs everywhere - since you started watching tv, reading newspaper, reading posters, listening to teachers at school warn about dangers of smoking.
still,
you smoke, not because its a cool thing to do, but to relief stress, for it to be a past time

for example:
you know you are going to get hurt, yet you still dare to tell the girl you like her, and hope and wish so hard that she would reciprocate
but
deep in your heart, you know she belongs to someone else. and you know that it would spoil the friendship with her that was already going so well.
why? why would you still do it?

so what if you knew the warning signs, knew all about the situation, saw it from so many different points of view - the good, the bad? - you'd still have to choose 1 path to follow. and once you choose, you defy all other viewpoints that you had previously. you would contradict all but one.

choices. yet impulses. strange - this world.
you cannot be everything, thinking everything, and doing everything
choices are ultimately everything. and they make up who you are.
although i believe, the choices we make, dont always reflect who we really are.
choices, after all, are made either upon too careful consideration, or rash impulse.

to grow. to learn. to fail. to succeed.
the lamentations of life. my life, yours.

realizations

2008-04-01T15:34:00.004+08:00

a short post, a few realizations:

that my last two years spent at school were fulfilling, but yet unenjoyable. one of the most unhappiest time so far. and i only have myself to blame for letting that happen.
but i did accomplish alot of things. so the years that went by werent a complete waste

that i might actually have mild obsessive compulsive behaviour. which i think, isnt exactly a gd thing. i recall things that happen in the past, and reenact them through my thoughts, rewind, replay. each time after i say something to someone or do a hand gesture, i would have some regret, and then i would repeat my words by mouthing them in different expressions or repeat the hand gesture just to make sure it didnt look stupid. im weird. LOL

jit ah jit...haha

change

2008-02-10T04:40:00.001+08:00

~

from an entity that began with nothing...it became filled with happiness
that i took for granted...that i learnt was not my right but a privilege
from a strange confusion...it became a light that brightened the day
that gave me that courage to walk into school each day...knowing that someone there who would stick by me
from a simple remark and then laughter...it grew into trust
that i doubted sometimes...that i would learn to regret
from a tear drop and sorrows shared....it bred understanding
that i didnt know to cherish till now...does it still exist

yet

from blue it turns to grey
where pages fade, where photos capture a past that doesnt pity the present
from hope it dissolves into naive thoughts
where i would still wish to go back in time to undo all that has been done
from frankness it becomes rhymes and riddles
where understanding is no longer a common theme
from struggling quarrels and disagreements, silence
where i would find myself constantly uncomfortable, frightful
from dreams it blurs to shadows
where memories become a recurring monochrome
from promises it shatters to dust
where i would kick up, so that i could see the trails of emotions i left behind

left with

no more a possibility than it could have been
no more a tear drop than what has already been shed
no more a confident smile than wistful expressions that mark the face
no more a chapter than how stories could have contained

~

somehow...i still miss
you that have shared precious times with me,
moments where i would never seem to forget
you that has been in my life...even for a short while,
how we used to find comfort in each other...

im glad we met
im glad we had our time
im glad we loved before...in the same way that both of us knew deep down

another time.

2008-02-01T14:59:00.000+08:00

so it has happened. life goes on, time passes. things change.
not like how i wanted it to - but we cant help it, can we?
i still struggle, sometimes, even with the knowledge that we cannot help it, about how
things have changed - permanently - that time cannot be reversed. that we cannot undo what has been done.
to come to terms with these, would probably take me more time than what has passed
it still hurts, somehow. after so long. i wish it didnt. did you really mean that much? maybe im just stubborn

somewhere within him. something's trapped...something that he constantly try to break out from. he calls it a mental enclosure - something that limits his emotions , something that tangles his actions and words into a knot. he yearns to break free. it's an immense struggle within. even with his daily speech, thoughts, he constantly face a blank empty wall. it's seldom now...but it still happens. suddenly words become a difficulty - stumble, mumble, fumble. thoughts become a blur, slurs over. help.

updated: life after and before

2008-01-11T23:02:00.000+08:00

got what i predicted i would get! haha. 35+2=37!

it isnt suppose to be a bad score. but compared with the rest of the cohort...ah. not so gd.

i lived up to my expectations...as well as my parent's expectations. for me, that's good enough already.

i guess i didnt work hard enough for the exams...just lost steam halfway...somehow...i just didnt feel like studying anymore. they always say 'burn out burn out'. but i never really believed such things. but i think i was - burnt out...somehow...really no mood, no drive to study. didnt really sleep properly for the longest of months...played quite abit b4 the exams too.

so 37. i'll apply for SMU and NUS and see how. hopefully i'll get a place + the course i want. most probably law/business/finance programs.

see there are always two sides to everything, some times more. some would feel that the project was a success...that it fulfilled the wants and wishes of the products of our organization - and it was mostly inclusive...rather than the usual popular appearances in every section. it's layout/design was rather decent actually...thanks to our wonderful and hardworking design manager. unfortunately...there would always be the critics, and not everything can always be perfect. they should take into account that:

firstly, it wasnt an easy project to embark on. we didnt not have a standardized format to proceed with, neither did we have the appropriate resources or contacts for an easier assignment. other divisions within the organization have manpower...and an established system.

we didnt.

secondly, being multi-talented, most of our people had massive loads to burden ourselves with, on top of the examination that was to follow soon after. everything was a rush and the project was also completed rather hurridly. because of that we couldnt recheck the nitty gritty details, and hence...the fault - of over looking certain details that should have been omitted.

i would say fault lies in over-ambition...and over-estimation. mine fault lies there too. it was a difficult process and perhaps i wasnt the one who could have lived up to expectations.

in any case. its over. i would accept all responsibilities for the project's failure. or success if prescribed. all i want is for it to be over. ended. out of the way. a hurdle like this...is not something i want to live with anymore.

haha. anyway. if you're reading this. hope you understand what im talking about. im just rather upset that it's still harassing me even after i ended my contract with the organization.

i am complicated. but so are you.
if only...

life now

2007-12-12T19:57:00.000+08:00

sorry havnt been updating...been down and out for a couple of mnths.

mm havnt been doing much lately...like they'd say...'bumming around'...floating in and out of existence
dont really know what to do with my life...not that i dont hav anything to do.

lots of things that still need to be done

have to arrange my dental appointments
gotta look for 2nd opinion for my eye surgery
gotta set up my physiotherapy sessions for the knee
must find time to go visit my grandfather's new shop at whampoa market and help out
gotta re-arrange my stuff at home...all in a mess...ib stuff still left lying around in stacks

but...just seem to have this chunk missing from my life...feeling quite lost because of it. not sure what to do about it. im not sure what's that chunk even. meaning to life?
it's just been aimless living for the past few weeks. need to get out of it.

ahh and there's that fear for the ib exam results...most of the time i dont think of it. but when i do i get scared. coz i know i didnt study much for it...couldnt really study anyway. and yea...results...all i want is a 35+2 = 37
i'd be contented.

i've decided not to talk about my emotional problems anymore. because it just doesnt help.
and someone once told me that people dont like being around unhappy people. it feels uncomfortable. i think that's true. so i must try to be the most happiest person from now on.

and i think what my mom says is true. i must learn to love myself first...before i can love others.

ta-da! my first post after a loonnnnggg time! sorry for the story of my life. i'll post something different the nxt time...i hope.

strange...and stranger still.

2007-10-14T00:53:00.000+08:00

struggling to carry on
just so hard to get on by...
any moment stared into space...would end up thinking about you

strange isn't it? i've finally started to think that i should let go
yet each time i'd tell myself it's all over...i keep turning back...
somehow...i just cant forget...and move on.
so difficult to. i cant.

everything seemed to have gone by so fast...
from the time we started to spend more time with each other
to the time when we struggled to find our place with each other
till the time we parted...and now the distance...

you're right. it had been an experience.
perhaps you wont get this - reducing all that we had to an 'experience' that we all gained frm and learnt from...makes all that we had...so...insignificant...somehow...
but. sigh. i cant think for you. neither can i say anything for sure anymore

i've just been so scared, to talk to you
so afraid...to look into your eyes, for more than a second
because i dont know what you're thinking
or whether anything i see or read...would be correct

i'd wish i could say a big 'hello!' and smile and...
we could stop by...and chat for while
catch up on times
but somehow...we can't...

it's my fault i guess
i cant bring myself to do all that
because im afraid.
afraid of responses. afraid of reactions. yours.

i dont know myself anymore...and i dont know you anymore
strangers...like how we began.
yet...im still drawn
my need to protect you...to care...and still be concerned.
for a stranger?

let it be ba.

2007-09-24T21:32:00.001+08:00

a lot of times i'd struggled to grasp with the facts
that im no longer there...where i was...
that i'd lost you...forever
i'd toss and turn in bed...cry over how i cant do anything about it...
how i've just lost...the means of making anything right.

i miss you. everything about you. and us.
some places just seem so strange...not having you there nxt to me anymore
i keep praying. wishing that you'd be there...
but when i'd open my eyes...
the images of you...just vanish into the air...
that seemed to have carried you away with it.

i dont know why things have to be like that
but i know it is like that. and i cant change anything...
not at least for now
i just wished that - it wouldnt forever remain like this

because we shared something sweet...
something that we felt nice to be in
a special friendship that we had...
that i never had before...

i just cant come to terms with losing you.
but i realized that...
it's been a long and tiring experience for you...and me.
and we'd have enough...
the only thing that is left of me to do...
would be to let it be...

but i just want you to always know this...
that i'd always be there if you need be.
because
no matter what had happened in the past...
it will never change that sweet place
that i have for you in my heart.

我会永远的望着你
只到那一天，一切的空白能装满着你
我想，你对我说的话都很有道理
只怪自己起初不了解你对我的情义
一步步地再错，伤了你的心
使我感到更痛苦更寂寞

现在只能默默的祝福你
把我们的一切永远的记住在脑海里
偶尔的梦着，想着

我最爱的朋友，
我生活的十八年
我最大的遗憾就是
缺少了你...

i'll miss you always... take care.

drifting

2007-09-09T03:07:00.001+08:00

everytime i look back, i feel as if each step i take forward is a mistake,
that it would have been better to have left things alone...
because things would have eventually got better, by its own

my actions, words, seem to prompt for an immediate reaction, an immediate feeling
that, now come to think of it, is unreasonable and impossible...
but i still went ahead and done it, talk...and stir things up...mess things up again.

why do i always do it?
because i dont feel secure. each time i leave things alone...i dont know how it would become.
i fear. and i start thinking...and everything becomes so...unnatural.
i could go on and on about how things could be...what you could have done...things that i expect...but ultimately...i want it really to be entirely up to you...

your decisions, by your feelings, are what matters most to me, not what i want you to do, not what i expect you to do. i've been unfair...by imposing my expectations on you....like how you always told me u hated it...sigh. i guess i just feel so unassured...and left alone like that...for so long. im just so scared that...i'll lose you finally...that the light at the end of the tunnel isnt going to be one with you standing in it, but a blank white sheet that glares back at me.

leave it. i am going to leave it. just like that. after all, time will heal all things...even really really bad ones..right? it's just a phase that will pass...if we really meant so much to each other...then things will become gd again...the same...or somehow...if possible, even better. otherwise...like they all say...perhaps..it's for the better.

writing lines

2007-09-08T20:55:00.000+08:00

i cannot make people think what i think
i cannot make people feel what i feel
it's not fair.
how could i? no. i cant.

but i can let people know how i feel. so at least...they know...

there's so much that i could do...if only they'd work...i wouldnt know...
but would i dare try?

it's nothing in my hands now...it's all up to you...
after all...it's a two-way thing...like you said.

if only things returned to where we left them at...
but i guess for now, it's only in my hope that it'll be like that...

hope you'll be doing well...in life...in everything that you do...
i miss needing you...i miss having you need me
perhaps it sounds so ridiculous...but that's how i feel...i need you to need me...
otherwise...i seem so lost...

but i cant force things...i dont want things done against will.
i hope we can pick things up again...somehow...in some way...
i sound foolish...but i cant help it...right? haha

yup. i guess it needs more time. perhaps i need it too...more time.

you're right. i couldnt have foreseen everything...i just feared for the worst...so little faith...and i just fitted how everything happened into what i felt would happen...i guess...it's all just out of anguish...hurt...a little of my ego. i wont think of it this way anymore. because it's just not right...i understand this part at least...

everything needs time...they say. you say it too. i will. dont expect me not to wait. i will...like i always have...i dont give up easily...i hope it'll be something that you'll come to appreciate some day...perhaps not now...but some day...

so emo...haha...my thoughts. i cant help it...after all...these are all that i have been thinking about for the past few days, weeks...

like how we've decided...i shall do what i would do in a life without you...go on...but i will always look back to see whether you're there...because you were there b4...

i guess you've been very tired of all these. i have been too. it's been so hard...but i dont want to end things because we're tired...because we had enough of trying...but yea. i'll stop ba. enough is enough. haha. someday...we'll meet...we'll greet...and perhaps we'll become gd friends again. somehow. perhaps just not now...now has been...long...and full of twists and turns.

if anything...i'll always remember the good memories...memories that we have hardly captured in photos...but forever some place of my past that i'll never forget. that will be something that i will hold on to...and never let to. because you were someone significant. and you'll always stay that way...someone important to my being, my life.

you gave me direction. now i've lost the end of the rope...felt that i never clung on to it hard enough...to let it slip frm my hands...i'll find it again some day ba. the direction that i missed...that i lost.

take care ba...think of me when you're not too tired...find me some day again...when u feel like it. after all, you always depended on your feelings...

nxt few weeks, months, going to be busy for you, for me, for almost everyone that we know...we'll pull through it somehow ba...huh. we'll arive at the end point some day...and be glad that it's finally all over. heave a sigh of relief...and move on in life....

gd luck for the upcoming exams.

im sorry for the heated conversation that we had. you didnt deserve it. i dug up everything...and threw everything on you. it wasnt fair...i felt so terrible after that...but i couldnt help it...so much things...were bothering me...and...it all just came out...like how i didnt want it to come out...

all i wanted to say was that...i missed you...missed not having you anymore there...not having you around...self-centered perhaps...yea...but...i cant help it. im so lost without us. without you there anymore.

midweek holiday post.

2007-09-04T19:45:00.001+08:00

dont feel ready at all for the upcoming exams. just totally exhausted from the past few months of gruelling essay writing and compilaton of IAs...and i still haven't handed in my CAS file yet. burn out? no i dont believe in that....but i feel so weary...keep having the temptation to play...where's that self-control? non-existent...sigh.

just hope i'll do decently well. after all...i have been writing quite a lot of practice essays. i really dont know how i would fare by the IB exams. this prelims...im going to really take it like a practice exam. to see what i know and i dont know...after all...that's what exams are for after all no?

struggling to find some purpose for my being. i know im there. i know who loves me. i know who cares. i know who i care for. but people...sometimes...arent enough to keep me going. i wish i had that kind of energy for everything that i do...but past few weeks...i feel as if i've been losing it. we claw, we clamber on...cling on to? don't know. life's a struggle no? the troubles...the problems...are just - inconsequential. the struggle comes with finding one's self. ah human nature. sometimes i feel as if i've read what i type somewhere...or...i've typed it before. are we all really in search for something? or maybe it's not a search. it's just something that is missing. not there. AIYOH! haha always end up posting emo confusing paragraphs.

every action, every thought - was with the same aims, the same hopes - to be able to stay there - to keep the status quo...to not let, allow anything to affect, to change...i guess, the blurred lines...just kept things...tangled up.

but it was nice...being in the midst of it all...once before...perhaps never ever again...

to be your confidante...someday again.

days

2007-08-08T22:25:00.001+08:00

they just go by...

nothing great. nothing interesting. sometimes boring.

still have a lot of work not done...can't find the incentive back to study, to complete my work.
but nxt few days i'll probably be working on the remaining IAs...bio pracs and world lit. all a mess. can't believe that my com crashed just so conveniently...sigh. i hope i'll be able to get down to it. i keep saying. but i dont do them.

went for tennis session today. was fun! but...didnt manage to hit nicely for most of the time...

certain things...not sure whether i should or should not be doing anymore. sometimes people say just go with feelings...or just do dont think so much...but i guess there ARE things that have to consider....i mean it's not only my feelings involved..but other's as well. cant just...not care...sigh. not sure ba. just...steer clear out of danger's way i guess...

mm how are things going?

i was wrong...

2007-07-28T17:51:00.000+08:00

saturday:

this morning i woke...and i realized i was dreading something. then it hit me. all that i said last night...all that you'd said. what have i done? a horrible mistake, a deep sinking feeling within. i lurched forward, as if i was going to throw up. i didnt. but i wish i did...although i know i have no right to.

you were right. i wished i could have realized it earlier, then perhaps things wouldnt have been like this... i had become blind to what you've done for me. my caring so much - going on and on doing what i thought was right, felt was right... it made me not stop to think how you've cared for me, my feelings, and my selfish nature.

i knew you cared a lot, and valued me so much so much... but i'd never stopped to consider it, think about. i'd never taken it in...just went on doing and doing, as if i was the only one caring. and now...it seems as though i've lost you...maybe we'll never be as close anymore...could we still be?

so much pain...because of me. the other time you called, you were crying, crying because you felt you wronged me, upset because of what i might think of you when i find out. you wanted to let me know first...because you treasured above all else what i thought of you, felt about you. you didnt want me to go...and i left you alone last night. how could i have? if only i could take my words back...

i didnt know what was right anymore. things...dont feel like last time anymore. change. how strong are we together? how weak are we together? because of something, it always ends up hurting...but we'll get stronger, right?

i treasure you a lot...like how i've come realized that you do too in the same way... but how could it work from now? i dont want to end up hurting you anymore. you dont deserve it...it has been my fault...it really has been...my fault for being a little too selfish about you, and for being too selfishly caring, disregarding all else... sigh.

i hope all these dont have to make sense anymore...because i'm not trying to...

i'm sorry for what i've done...i'm sorry for what i've been...i'm sorry i've wronged you all this while...i've only been a disappointment.

it's been a terrible day...

give it some time
we'll find a way, alright?....somehow...
forgive me...

sunday:

i've wronged you...i actually doubted you. for the past two weeks...i doubted our friendship. i doubted your feelings for me... i wasnt sure about my doubt....but the fact that it was still there...it pains me now...to think that i even thought about that...how could i have?

what have i done for you... today i thought about it...and i realized that i've been bluffing myself all this while, bluffing myself that i'd done everything and anything because i care about you. instead, what i've done so far...have only brought pain, hurt you, upsetted you. hardly anything to make your life better...and if i did make your life a little better, i would only make it worse later... and i could still dare say that i cared so much about you...

i'd walk upstairs to hold my handphone, to ask how you've been doing, whether your weekend was rough...to tell you about the good eat-all-you-can buffet i had with my family at a japanese restaurant...then i remembered...i wasnt suppose to do that. could i? i dont know...the days...seemed to pass by so slowly...i dont even know whether i deserve talking to you anymore...

i'd re-read those messages that you sent to me...read those that i sent you...worrying about how you were feeling now...whether you ate enough...got enough sleep...i felt as if i said everything wrong...everything seemed wrong since then...two days ago...seemed only yesterday...

sigh. if i could erase all the sorrys that i've said before...and say it now to you, i'd say it. and i hope it would mean something to you...because i would mean it a lot when i say it

...would you accept it?...accept me back into your life...

i still remember the time when you lay your head on my shoulder to sleep...was on a taxi to countdown filming...you probably wouldnt remember...then it was different... i didnt have feelings for you then...then you were still a strange little girl whom i didnt know much about...

tuesday:

another day passed without talking to you...but not a day has passed since i didnt think about you. or how things would be...or could be from now on...

today was sitting outside the classroom with our shamelessly-paiseh friend...something just came to me - felt slightly uneasy, and guilty...i realized how much i did enjoy his company...and how much i did want you to as well. i want him to be my friend...as much as how i want him to be yours. i know it's not really being fair to you, or him...having already come to a sort of resolution or decision that wasnt easy to make. but...how wrong and selfish it was of me...to have something and not wanting you to have it...

mm...guess i wont be running for cross-country nxt week. ran today...with the knee guard. about 5 km mark realized that i shouldnt continue...knee started to ache again...dont want it to develop into some permanent injury. i miss having the freedom to run...not having to consider my knee...

wondering how you're gonna spend national day...whether or not would you be there to capture the moments...probably be quite nice to watch beside the river...or some higher up place in the area where the view is better...

how are you getting along? such a long time...not knowing what's going on in your life...seems so weird and strange all of a sudden...like something's missing from me... but when i look for it...i realized i wouldnt be able to find it...hope it is good...hope it is good...

our friendship is worth more...more than what i've done to it, what i had allowed it become. would it get better?

you'd always be part of my life. because i want you there, too.

wednesday:

didn't see you today...worried, wondering whether you were alright...

today passed slowly...worked on my mock ioc 'apologia' for most part of the day to deliver in the afternoon...only that i didnt get to do it in the end because of the school quality survey. well...at least managed to get one poem out of the way.

realized that submission date for world lit 13 aug...only passed up 1 draft so far for assign2c. havn't read anna karenina yet...have to work hard for the nxt few days to make sure i dont get blacklisted to see admin nxt week. shall immerse myself in the book...hopefully get lost in it... somehow i am absorbed after reading the first few pages of anna....curious...social interactions and its construct. something that appeals to me quite greatly.

sigh. hope you are well. if you arent...make sure you drink lots of water...and sleep more. take care...

2007-07-09T11:19:00.000+08:00

so much to do so much to clear up.

exams are over but soon the assignments will be due...already piled up and waiting in stacks.

guess i'd get down to them before ranting about other issues.

ciao

...

2007-06-24T19:35:00.000+08:00

past few weeks and months have been trying. and i must say it hasnt been easy to get through. now at its end i look back at the times of emotional confusion, and i realized how much i had grown, how much i'd learn. and it's good, in many different ways and im glad that all was not in vain.

feelings are precious. the engagement of feelings, not cautiously approached could lead to outcomes which may or may not be desirable.

knowledge is always good. but little knowledge is dangerously potent. use with caution - otherwise don't even try. i always thought little of this. but as it turns out. i was very wrong.

honesty and truth seems to be something that human beings struggle with all the time. it is no one's fault but everybody else's. situations and circumstances we are immersed in often desire certain reactions. however, i realized that it is ultimately up to the individual to decide to choose a different response, not fearing the outcome but believing that what ever that is truth would eventually prevail. but it takes courage. and most of the time, we are weak, as human beings. we deny seeing what we need to see, we lie to ourselves to conceal certain emotions and feelings. let's not anymore...shall we?

memories want to be remembered...but to most people, only if the experiences were pleasant or led to a sufficient level of satisfaction. i choose not to remember selectively, because in every occasion, whether desirable or undesirable, i did learn something new, and somewhere inside of me, something changed, something grew. To deny my memories would be to deny the experiences which have been crucial to my existence.

a lot of times i wished thing didnt happen the way they did. i wished mine and others responses or reactions would be different. but it still proceeds on, life. after all, i can only choose for myself. and that, for me, is one of the more important realization i've come across going through these past few months.

seemingly, i've compressed, somewhat belittled and made trivial everything that has happened. but in typing the above, i've also concluded that i dont really know about how people think, should think, or would think. I also dont know how i think, thought, should think, or should have thought. what i feel now is not something that i could easily write down just in a paragraph or two. i can't say that it is indescribable, but neither could i tell you everything i feel without leaving something out.

but im glad and relieved that everything has happened for a purpose, for a reason. not to change anything of the past...but for how it would proceed on from henceforth.

exams are for the next two weeks. i know i am definitely not sufficiently prepared. but like always, i will try my best to use this exam in preparation for the final IB exams at the end of the year.

i dont feel sad how time flies, but how people fly past time.

tHiNGs that NEED doing

2007-06-02T17:35:00.000+08:00

OK! since i am in the spirit of doing work BUT not in the mood of actually doing them...i shall blog about what i haven't done and hopefully BORE you to death of the LIST that i really need completing by the end of the holidays

CAS portfolio (a few signatures, binding required)
Biology Practicals (9 reports undone)
World Literature 2c (1st draft undone)
World Literature 1 (1st draft undone, topic still requires revision)
Yearbook

yea its quite a mess up there currently. i hope to clear at least MOST of the LIST by Week 2 of the holidays. coz on top of all those mentioned above, i do have the mid-year examinations right on after the June holidays. and i haven't been remembering all that i've been listening to in class.

work work work! finish finish finish!

probably head to different locations a few days a week to study. but i'm currently lost about where to go to study. seems like everywhere in Singapore is streaming with happy noisy people and there's no where quiet...or nice. got a suggestion? comment!

and that's the end of my very simple post! hope you liked it! >.<

mm

2007-05-31T20:59:00.000+08:00

apologies for the lack of title...after awhile...i realize that if i cant come up with titles...then it's better without them...might mislead.

now's the holidays. must try as best to study hard for mid years. after all, this is the exam where they decide who to send for scholarship interviews etc. etc. i badly don't want to miss out on these. otherwise I'll be stuck at NUS or NTU. if i DO eventually stay in SG to study, i'll either go SMU or go for the courses that would lead to 1-2 years of further study at the universities overseas. at least I'll have a taste of overseas life. not that SG is in anyway bad...but sometimes it's good to see the world.

I've decided to not be so emotional nowadays. i guess sometimes we think too much as humans, being humans after all...but it does hinder our thought processes and make us, somewhat...confused. i shall stop being confused and just be head-strong. tell me whether is it a good idea. i do, after all, envy people who can make their stand so strongly that people around them have to shift their feet to accommodate.

i wish people could tell me their expectations of me. so that i know how to act accordingly...or rather...not disappoint them. i once was and probably still am rather tired of expectations...its pressurizing...and i guess...doesnt make me or my actions REAL. but yea...haha. expectations. part of human life ba. when we involve ourselves in relationships...even simple ones between friends can become so complicated because of unrevealed expectations. i guess its a sort of obligatory-link between people ba.

mm life. lamentations. enough

jit shall live life just at it is. at the surface. dwell the slightest bit too deep and will end up hurt. enough.

=D holidays! make full use make full use!

watch transformers with me!

days go by

2007-04-20T15:03:00.000+08:00

finally, my computer has allowed me to access blogger and post my first post in, like, 2-3 months?

now i'll just update about myself...
past few weeks have been, as words would describe:

emotional
ill-disciplined
confusing
dreary, weary
lifeless
meaningless

some of these words are rather harsh, but i did feel that at one point or another during the past few weeks

i guess it'll be like that for the nxt few weeks. it's not really as if i dont know what would be the measures to counter these feelings, these experiences that i've had for the past few weeks. ask me anything i'd tell you what would be the best thing you could do to avoid, or even tackle the problems you have.

but you'd probably tell me that you'd already know all the stuff that i was gonna tell you. which is true...at this age and time, human beings, or at least a large group of people around me, know more or less EVERYTHING, of how to react to this, how to react to that. but the strange thing is that it is these people that would be constantly asking us for advice that they already know themselves. sometimes, i guess, they just have to listen to some1 b4 believing and acting on it.

me? im faced with these problems, issues of life that i have already helped people with, talked people through...you'd think i'd know what to do about them. i know i know i know what to do! its just that i cant seem to get down to do them, situations have caught me offhand, making me think twice, maybe thrice, of what to do.

if only i was much simpler, i'd be able to look at things one dimensionally, and solve them base on other people's advice. i'd be more strong-minded, having only a few options to choose frm. problem is that i dont see things that simply, positively at every occasion i would tend to have multi-angled views of the situation, feelings that i've been having. how to solve then? you would say that i am no strong-willed...then i guess you'd said it right.

the rational takes a longer time to decide which is the best way to approach the situation. the irrational, well, would have made his/her stand long ago, hence it'd be easier for him/her. for this, i'd wish i were irrational. i wish i could only see things from MY perspective. be SELFISH about it.

this is something i've been struggling with all my life. to find a clear direction, to be disciplined and determined in following it through. anybody who knows me well enough and has gone out with me would know me to be accomodative, always seeking to know thoughts and preferences before deciding where to go. i wish i werent like that. i wish i could give my own directions, i wish i could take things into my own hands, and decide for myself. if only. but i am not like that.

haha. you probably can tell my state of mind after reading this. i hope i dont give you the impression that im confused. i dont think i am. but perhaps im struggling with something that you've been struggling with yourself.

i wish i would mean more.

still struggling with ridding myself with dota. now i've switched to 1v1 dota. its much more challenging and worthwhile playing than the team version 5v5. teams are mostly imbalanced with mostly 'leavers' or 'noobs' or 'idiots' who are uncooperative. and there tends to be huge lags which makes the game really bad.

currently,

enchant > viper

viper > lock

but it does not mean enc > lock.

dota = waste money = waste time = opportunity costs forgone.

but

dota = time with friends. fun i guess. but...

mmm. need to stop. need to prioritise. why cant i have the discipline? controlled by the game. bad.

haha i want to learn how to sing and to improvise.

currently learning:

Unchained Melody
Solitaire
Unbreakable
Drowning

i feel like roller blading. unfortunately i still havnt mastered it at all... then i can perhaps roller blade from Bishan to Dover like how some teacher at sch have been running to sch in the morning from KAP area. brilliant.

alright i guess i shall stop my ranting already. people would start wondering why i am so free to blog.

if you dont understand somethin, ask.

if you need something, ask.

if you wanna tell me something, tell me.

post-dota

2007-03-22T09:22:00.000+08:00

QoP - stygian/linkerns/threads/mkb/assault/burize - HOW FUN!

just encounted inter-sch dota at funan during the sch hols.

got 4th.

1st - Nyee Ann Poly
2nd - ITE (tampiness)
3rd - Temasek Poly

it was a gd experience. quite high level play with all the top clan members taking part with their schools. rather disappointed that we lost. but we weren't favorites anyway.

used venomancer, counter-warded but didnt fully exploit them b4 they ran out. mostly helping ant and munchee farm up.
i think my VS was more useful...
need to farm better.
probably gonna play carry for the nxt compy...if i ever take part.

realize how much dota has affected my life. I could have been much better in other areas of life if i werent so into this. always been trapped by the need to play after sch...the need to play when there is free time; whilst i could have worked on my hmwrk, essays (which are all now bulking up). but at least...i've almost cleared all the backlog for now.

i guess...i am gonna slow down or even stop. finals this year decides my uni and my future. better not mess le. and i bet i'll be a better person once dota is out of my life. definitely i'll return to it after the end-years...but that is 7-8 mnths time. for now. just work hard. study. so that i can concentrate on dota at the end of the year. (but then again...dota might have fused out by then)

now suffering from post-dota symptoms...excessive sleeping in class...and lack of appetite. great. and i've been drinking water non-stop.

been a long time since i've posted. sorry if you came to check and there was no update. been rather busy...with dota, and with other stuff.
gah. shouldn't hav signed myself up for so many things.

my fault
not my fault
whose fault?

no one's...there is no fault in the first place.

i wish i could if only you would...

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

2007-01-30T10:42:00.000+08:00

Leo Tolstoy

moral philosopher, notable for ideas on nonviolent resistance through his work
Anna noted for its scope, breadth and realistic depiction of Russian life

ANNA the Book

dual protagonists (Anna and Levin) - each of the novel's eight sections contains internal variations in tone: it assumes a relaxed voice when following Stepan Oblonsky's thoughts and actions and a much more tense voice when describing Levin's social encounters.
Much of the novel's seventh section depicts Anna's thoughts fluidly, following each one of her ruminations and associations with its immediate successor. This section, and, to a lesser degree, the rest of the novel, is one of the earliest examples of stream-of-consciousness literature. The stream-of-consciousness form would be utilized by such later authors as Virginia Woolf and William Faulkner.

Stream of consciousness

"Consciousness is always interested more in one part of its object than in another, and welcomes and rejects, or chooses, all the while it thinks" - William James ( taken from http://psychclassics.yorku.ca/James/jimmy11.htm)

a literary technique which seeks to describe an individual's point of view by giving the written equivalent of the character's thought processes.
characterized by associative (and at times dissociative) leaps in syntax and punctuation that can make the prose difficult to follow, tracing a character's fragmentary thoughts and sensory feelings.
the speaker's thought processes are more often depicted as overheard (or addressed to oneself) and is primarily a fictional device.

Confessions of Tolstoy

Every time I tried to display my innermost desires – a wish to be morally good – I met with contempt and scorn, and as soon as I gave in to base desires I was praised and encouraged.
A dear old aunt of mine, the purest of creatures, with whom I lived, was always saying that she wished for nothing as much as that I would have a relationship with a married woman. 'Rien ne forme un jeune homme comme une liaison avec une femme comme il faut.' ("Nothing forms a young man properly like an affair with a married woman.")
For in the end what are we, who are convinced that suicide is obligatory and yet cannot resolve to commit it, other than the weakest, the most inconsistent and, speaking frankly, the most stupid of people, making such a song and dance with our banalities?

Anna herself

A common way to interpret Anna's tragedy, then, is that she could neither be completely honest nor completely false, showing a Hamlet-like inner conflict that eventually drives her to suicide.

The INNER conflicts:

she is guilty of desecrating her marriage and home, but is noble and admirable nonetheless
we are ultimately impressed less by Anna’s ideal attributes than by her passionate spirit and determination to live life on her own terms.
Anna is a feminist heroine of sorts, riding on horseback in an era when such an activity was deemed suitable for men only. Disgraced, she dares to face St. Petersburg high society and refuses the exile to which she has been condemned, attending the opera when she knows very well she will meet with nothing but scorn and derision.
Anna is a martyr to the old-fashioned Russian patriarchal system and its double standard for male and female adultery. Her brother, Stiva, is far looser in his morals but is never even chastised for his womanizing, whereas Anna is sentenced to social exile and suicide. Moreover, Anna is deeply devoted to her family and children, as we see when she sneaks back into her former home to visit her son on his birthday.
Anna’s refusal to lose Seryozha is the only reason she refuses Karenin’s offer of divorce, even though this divorce would give her freedom.

The governing principle of Anna’s life is that love is stronger than anything, even duty. She is powerfully committed to this principle. She rejects Karenin’s request that she stay with him simply to maintain outward appearances of an intact marriage and family.

Her exile from civilized society in the later part of the novel is a symbolic rejection of all the social conventions we normally accept dutifully. She insists on following her heart alone.

Anna’s insistence on the dictates of her heart’s desires makes her an unforgettable pioneer of the search for autonomy and passion in an alienating modern world.

Useful websites:

the entire novel can be found in: http://www.literaturepage.com/read/annakarenina-1.html

http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/anna/canalysis.html

ok i have to compare this with Hedda Gabler.
i wanna go along the lines of INNER CONFLICT observed from both protagonists respectively (Anna and Hedda), as a result of their role in society and their personal beliefs.

gd luck...this is my assignment 1. so still can relax a bit.

sigh lots of work to do...have yet to complete 'life and obligations' post. no time.

guess everything is just weighing down on us now...everything that should have been done earlier, everything that should have been sorted out earlier. now is the point of accumulation. we were aware. we were prepared for this. but now that it has come, im falling under its weight, into a point of collapse.

yet i look around. people have more than what i have. sigh.

nvm sure can. step by step. small thing by small thing. things will always turn out just alright.

the present

2007-01-16T21:01:00.000+08:00

immersed within a thought, and then thoughts
why the redundancy? the decadance of youthful thought.
or is it?
we are all entitled to think
we are all entitled to feel, to hear, and to know

yet the more we experience these so-called human traits,
the more emotions we feel..
the more we contemplate these traits, the more confusion we generate for ourselves.

even this post - represents the saturation of all thought. after all we are but of a single mind.

is it fair to us? so much to think about, so little capacity to contain our emotions. yet to contain or not? why should we?

so much questions - from a seemingly confused and concerned mind.

i wish i knew all the answers to all the questions.
but then...what would then would the thrill in mysteries be? but do we need mysteries? how about a simple life where everything were to be revealed to us?
why all these questions?
why bother?

but we aren't satisfied to live life the way it is. then wouldnt it be better not to be able to think. or to feel but just think? but then we wouldnt be human.

my approach? just try to be positive. no matter how tough or hard the situation is...we have to try. after all, its our lives. its life. we fall, we pick ourselves up. we try again. we would often be discouraged, be lost...be depressed. but what can we do? we try.

sometimes trying isnt enough. but what else is there to it. this is the reality of life. we hate the fact. we despise it. sigh. the stir of life...it seems always churning up something, churning up emotions of people like yolks and whites refusing to mix. and once mixed, irreversible. the only way would be to either drink it down, or pour it away

AIYAH...just try lor. wake up everyday with a positive thought. with a goal to accomplish. its hard...but that's the best we can do. =)

alright im super super tired. probably not making one bit of sense.

torn la...

2007-01-06T22:08:00.000+08:00

sigh

why must i more or less always start my posts with sigh

today i was looking for my group member...
passed by her...
saw frm the corner of my eye, her head following my head as i walked...
was that all she could notice? was that all she could care to notice...

im really torn about it...this hair issue...
in the first place,
i think i've worked very very hard for the past few days, and some of december, to ensure that people taking part in the camp have a good time. i do remember that i have put in quite a bit of sweat and blood into it. all i needed was some understanding...its not as if im a rebel going to sch with it uncut again nxt week. i needed space to work this week...sigh.
i do remember reminding those who studying nxt year to be consistent, and those who just came in, encouraged them to stay. i think i've done at least this much for the sch.

torn between appreciation and self-worth
torn between rules and helping the school

thing is. yes i agree.
i am the leader
i am the role model
what i am, others will follow
if i do something out of line,
they will follow and do that something out of line
i accept it. it is my duty to obey, to set an example.

BUT.
am i suppose to admit that i've made a mistake.
YES i have already admitted that. but what else could i have done during this week. everyday was 8.00p.m. when places of grooming have already shut down by the time i reached anywhere.

but by admitting it, perhaps i've already demeaned the work for the school that i've done for the whole week. by that one look at my head it shoots me in the heart, that for all i have done i am shot down by my hair, that my work has gone unappreciated, lost in the wind, and then an arrow shot at my heart.

so yes i have admitted, so it perhaps mean that i am a LOSER? i do things, i contribute to a school that i love so much and am so proud of? then yes i am a loser. i contribute for self-worth, it does not matter that it goes unappreciated after i've commited a sin.

sigh. you get what im saying. TORN indeed. what can i do. yes i was going to get it cut this sunday anyway, when i finally find some space in my schedule of the week.

but this issue...it raises questions:

by doing a whole lifetime of good, it takes one bad deed to demean all of it?
if i am doing it for self-worth...then why should i care if i get shot down, it shouldnt matter anyway. that is who i am...i dont need appreciation (you're gonna say that every human needs to feel appreciated? that is true, but by the relevant people, not by the whole world) but it still matters to me so much coz it got me in the HEART.
why dilemmas are so eminent in human life? i have arrived at the fact that it is due to OBLIGATIONS (kant) that has resulted in these inevitable dilemmas. its part of being human...then i dont wanna be human i guess. -.-

k la im quite confusing

i hate to be someone who always sees frm all angles of a situation

it makes it hard to make decisions

i hate to be caught in between, fulfilling a role, setting a standard, understanding that that is my job, and thinking that it is really unnecessary and that i shouldnt follow the standards simply because i dont agree with it.

i hate understanding everything, like the sacrifices i have to make to fulfil my role as a model for the rest to follow, and being and looking like some1 i wanna look. i even know that if i can set a gd example, there's no need for gd looks, because people will look up to you no matter what. but i cant decide. i cant choose. im caught in between...and i simply resent this fact

my apologies for this long post.

i hav rather confusing thots in my head...as always...sigh

i wish...i'd have some answers some day.

GROUP 8 CHIONG!

GROUP 8 SIAO!

GROUP 8 SIBEI SIBEI HO!

(x2)

miss you guys already...could have been better...come again nxt year! i'll be your improved version 1b jit yew-the-ogl. lol. but we HAD FUN! which is a lot a lot more valuable that who i am or what i have done. and for that i am SO SO glad! =) see you all in school on mondae! go thank moonie ya? she really deserves it =D

haha kk tired le

rest i will

sorry if i sound emo or over-sensitive

does it help to say i am not over-senstitive because i am aware of what's happening to me at any given time yet not understand it? -.- confused again. gah. maybe im not...maybe im just thinking im confused. i cant believe it's so complicated. life is anyway.

TORN indeed.

work

2006-12-08T19:32:00.000+08:00

time to start. CHIONG!

-short post...lost for words-

emotional reasoning

2006-11-20T16:07:00.000+08:00

which comes first?
emotions first then reasoning, or reasoning first then emotions.

upon inital impact of a decision-making-situation(dms), you'd think that emotions come first straight away.

but emotions are determined by reasoning first. how can you feel or emote something if you dont know how you should feel or emote in the first place.

if you look upon a situation and you feel sad, angry or happy...that's because within that short span of space and time, you mind goes through that process of identifying how and what to feel. Without firstly the preconception of what these 3 feelings are, you wont know how or what to feel. similarly if you do not think or do some mini-reasoning within yourself first, you COULD get happy when you see some1 die, or sad when you see a 3 year-old kid gets his first scooter. in other words, inital-reasoning takes place b4 emotions are allowed to come into play.

but...is mini-reasoning counted as actual-reasoning? i mean...emotions are suppose to be 'an experience', something which is passive which we have no choice over. (how about the time when you actually felt in awe of something brilliant: like admiring the sunset in wintertime, or the beauty of the most beautiful thing of beauty?) its a passive emotion that results from the experience. where-in then does mini-reasoning come into place? should it even be called reasoning if it is based on past-experiences, anticipation or conditioned-reflex-emotion? if the reaction to a dms (decision-making situation) is conditioned from past experiences and becomes more of a reflex action than a though-process-leading-up-to-an-action, then you cannot count reasoning as coming first.

...
dots
...
sianz
no.1: sup with all the dash between words...that's because my vocab is so weak i cant find any other words to replace those words-with-dashes.
no.2: why are we quarelling about which comes first, reason or emotion, when the question ask which is more necessary in justifying moral decision.
no.3: let me tell you a clue: it's in stages. (*grins sneakily*)

alright glhf

DOTA

amour

2006-11-17T09:58:00.000+08:00

was just thinking about this not too long ago.
and then now im thinking about it again.

so many questions again. i guess those reading my blog will probably have gotten quite tired about my lamentings. but i guess if it helps me think my thoughts out better i'll just write everything down.

at this age, 17...what does one expect out of a relationship? how do we draw the line between mutual friends, gd friends, and more-than-just-friends (mtjf)? and even if its mtjf...how sure are we that it is mtjf and not just being gd friends? after all, we're only a quarter of our way towards the end and we only know and experienced so much...there's still a world out there.

i guess then we only know when you're in it when you're in it. if you never liked some1 b4...then you'll have to find out yourself...you cant read it up frm a textbook or let some1 tell you...coz it varies frm person to person, differ experience from experience...if you never loved, then you'll never know what love is. i guess that's why it is so hard to define what love or like really is. because love is complicated, human-relations (even btween friends) is complicated.

and since humans too are complicated, i guess it is left to the individual to decide how complicated the love really is. or how a relationship should be.

how should relationships be? what is mtjf, what is just being a friend. sometimes 1 party think he's just being a friend by talking to that some1...but what if that some1's definition of mtjf is that person's idea of just being a friend...then they have to sort it out. things will get a little weird initially...but...i guess in the long run...things will settle themselves out. a true friend wont forsake friendship for mtjf relationship...

haha...there's also this problems that some people encounter...like how sometimes you see all the world around you getting paired off and you're one of few left...don't feel left out. i guess like they always say...these things will come in time...maybe not this year or the next...but your time will come. and then you'll know and be glad you didnt start anything at this age. and sometimes, you're not looking in the right places...or maybe...your expectations do not go places where you wouldnt look at. its not that you're being left out...its just that you are looking out for other stuff.
hehe. but anyway...we all still have gd friends...friends that you can spend time with.

and yup. starting relationships at this age: haha i've heard of success stories when puppy love manifests into something that lasts forever into marriage. but i've also heard of stories when the same happens, but develops into something called exposure-crisis. i guess if you spend too long with that person and you havnt tried others...there's always that chance that curiosity get the better of you...these sort of relationships may end up going through tough times because: simply put...the two involved in such a relationship that started since young have not had any others before. so you'd never know how is it like being with some1 else. and its also because of this that some other relationships flourish...simply because the previous relationships havnt been that successful or a flaw found in some1 before isnt there with the person he/she is with right now. so start now or later? haha its up to you. experience is always good...but people must understand that relationships are not as simple as we like to think they are. human emotions are important part of it. and if you do care so much about some1...and you know that in the end hurt and pain will come...then why bother?

and in relationship i think one of the most important thing is expectations. what do you expect of your partner? in this aspect every1 should be very honest with each other. that's because if expectations are not fulfilled or expectations seem more on one side than the other...then a relationship will not work out. expectations are like: simple things like [remember special dates, how often going out together] to like more complicated stuff like [the intensity of the relationship, how much care should one offer etc.] expectations...are as important as the trust between 2 as well. yup. haha but of course some people prefer mystery...to see how far his/her partner would go to show liking and care for him/her. why bother spelling out everything but rather leave it open and mysterious?

hmm i think im going round in circles again...like i always do. but i do hope i did make some sense. my star[taurus] yesterday said: 'You're one who always sees all the sides to the equation in any situation and problem. But you must be firm with what ever decision you make to see it follow through'. i guess this is very true of myself.

what i am:
i always appear humble, politically correct, sometimes not so confident of myself. that's because im bringing my level down to you...so that you'll feel comfortable talking to me. but that is not me. im deeper and darker than you think. i am firm, sometimes too confident of myself and proud. but this is my inner-self...on the outside i can appear easy-going and easy to manipulate. but i will tell you...i'm very aware of the things around me...so do not think im stupid for one moment. what you do unto me today i will return with a vengeance in the future. careful.

dota tournament

2006-11-08T23:29:00.000+08:00

hmm
dota...gd or bad?
i'll decided another time
when it's too late
been taking part in GXL (Games eXtreme League) Dota Tournament 2006.

quite tough
the matchups.
first was SETH SB
then was WinterNight

both teams are ranked in malaysia and singapore
gah.

nxt match is

Foosa
Team Reprisal

this sat.
hope can quan li yi fu and win
we wish. haha

hmm well events of past/present/future rather blurry now
dad always talks about what is sustainable and what is not sustainable
like dota is not sustainable...wont earn me a good living and future
so he wants me to do something worthwhile...something sustainable
i guess its all about balanced ba...i agree dota isnt gd for the future
but then again...if i dont play now...nxt time play either too old...no kick...or no chance anymore. but yet if play now...sacrifice other stuff
so

balance

what's more its a competition.

but its hard to achieve ba
haha im just ranting and ranting on...wish at this hour...i could think of something more intellectual...and interesting....but i cant
mind's just blank

need to get into the mood to do work liaoz
holidays pass quickly...almost ending liao (i keep telling myself it is ending)

some stuff im still nt very clear about...life's rather messy and confusing
i'll sit down (or stand up) and think them out one by one
after all, life isnt meant to be easy
sometimes...i wish i had all the answers
but then so what
but i wish it were easier now
but it isnt

who am i?
what am i?
what kind of person am i?
why do i behave like this...and then like that
i always claim to understand people the most
to know their thoughts...in many cases: true
but i dont even know myself

flurry of emotions and state of confusion
sigh

owe BLT a movie review for COUNTDOWN (have you watched it? its FANTASTIC! go watch it!) but havnt the time to do it...but i had time to rant eh no? bahz...life is just so...just so...

im tired. dont think liaoz...just sleep.
if tmr nvr comes, i'll just have to live with it

always always always thinking

truth

2006-10-29T15:00:00.000+08:00

doesnt it always go... the truth hurts? people always say that 'somethings are better left unknown'
i recently watched the movie 'the prestige' man is a stage performer - a magician find a lady, falls in love but as a magician, sometimes things a kept in secret even the tricks arent revealed between them but lady knows whenever the man says something with his heart, whether it is true like 'i love you', whether it is really meant and somehow, the relationship ended on this basis there was too much kept frm the lady she said this could nt carry on she wanted him to stop, to be honest with her.

well i dont wanna spoil a gd movie, but the movie wasnt entirely exactly like the above mentioned...but its rather common sometimes, in movies, in real life? (the prestige is a gd movie, go watch! its nt all about love, more of suspense and mystery)

where does trust lie in relationships? shouldnt trust be the basis of all relationships?

but then again sometimes truth out in the open can be a double-edge sword. it hurts sometimes to know the truth. then wouldnt it be better to be left unknown. somethings that dont help be kept in the dark?

sigh. so many questions. i think too much of such things. perhaps i should stop. stop thinking.

a girl once said to a boy
a boyfriend shouldnt be a best friend
a best friend is some1 you can confide in
some1 you trust your deepest secrets with
a boyfriend is some1 that you spend moments with.
but a best friend lasts forever a boyfriend doesnt.

given the situation then.
i'd rather be the best friend
i'd rather be some1 you can trust
someone that listens to your problems
someone that will stay with you forever

reniux de lavisae norix.
there is a moment
la remente devazsieuz comatante onmicoux vilae
i'd rather be in that every moment.

after exams [usual post]

2006-10-20T14:02:00.000+08:00

hmm, exams over
results are out.
cant say that 'nxt time study harder'
i think i've studied sufficiently enough
looked thru my papers
seems like its not the substance that is the matter,
i know my stuff
its just how to answer and approach the questions which is giving me a problem
language as usual was okay
math was alright, need to push it up to 7 at least by nxt year
econs/history/bio seems to be a problem
its not as if i dont know my stuff, but
i think i need to practice more questions to get the hang of answering them
will try to do a couple of essays during the holidays, and perhaps a bio paper

thinking about voluntarily going for remedials provided for students weaker in the subjects
probably for econs and history

all passed
but all disappointments as well

now is the period of reflection
i need to know where i am going now
if i stay at this points that i've gotten
i cannot hope to go far
perhaps simply our local unis that's it
which i wont be very willing to attend

nxt post i'll reflect about myself.
have a nice holiday
*yawns* i need some sleep

a story from the past

2006-09-24T13:29:00.000+08:00

mmm exams approaching. no time to have any other posts but recycled post from my previous blog:

streak of lightning flashed across the dark overcast sky followed by a loud angry clap of rolling thunder. It was a gloomy and dreadful night. A faint howl of a wolf emitted from a nearby forest of Western Village. The only prominent building in this desolate area was a bank, the tallest back in the world called ‘Eminence’. And it was old. Cracks with greens growing everywhere could be seen all over the building such that one from far could presume that it was a ‘jungle skyscraper’, but it was not. In fact, it was one of the richest banks in the world and it contained vaults and vaults of cash that went deep into the surface that one had to travel by trolley down the steep and dangerous tunnel.

A silhouette of a medium-built man appeared in the middle of the street. He was, in fact, moving so cautiously that one could have begun to get suspicious of him. He broke a light stick and it gleamed brightly in the darkness, revealing his face. There was a thin long scar across his face, nearly cover by a night-visor. He adjusted the heat sensor and scanned the streets. Nothing. Then he moved on again, towards the gigantic building. As he approached the building, he risked a quick glance upwards, examining the structure, noting a few escape ropes. Although he had spent weeks acquiring and studying the topography of the area and it’s building, he had never managed to find a map of its interior. Top secret. That was how the bank functions, so secretive, so mysterious. He sighed. Keep it simple, like a perfect crime. Who else could have thought of this? Only Wesley Kertzman the genius could. He smiled slightly at his self-praise but was quick to recover from it. It was not over, in fact, in had just begun.

Lifting his light stick to shine at his luminous hand-held computer screen, he opened a program, inserted a plug over the keypad of the entrance door and executed it. Immediately, the door swung apart and he walked in. He sighed as he saw the hundreds of laser beams that lay before him. Nowadays security could be so sophisticated. Unfortunately for them, they would always be one step behind Kertzman. They were careless enough not to hide the source of the lasers. He held up the interceptor and placed it in front of the source. Almost immediately, the laser energy was absorbed into the machine and the place was cleared. Calmly, he walked to the staircase landing and began climbing up the endless, winding stairs. Never use shortcuts, his Delta training had told him. Although the cash was hidden deep in the underground tunnels, there was a priceless manuscript in the topmost of the building. Kertzman would decipher it with his ancient translator book and it would reveal to him where the treasure of Angst lay. He was certain that the old manuscript would reveal it and he was determined to be the first to reach it. It would be his won brilliant technology that would unravel the mysteries of the past and reveal to him the wonders of his dreams. All would bow down to him, begging for his mercy. And he would give them none. Revenge. Sweet vengeance.

It was his knee that disturbed him and hindered his progress of the climb. He cursed each time the sharp pain shot though the bones. Training had told him to ignore and endure the pain as if it were never there. But every human had a limit, a limit for what he could do and he had reached it. It was a mistake, slight but serious, for every last step of his tedious climb would be an addition to his pain. Pain that he had managed to endure for the past ten years. It was the testing of man’s strength. It would be worth it. Yes, he would retire. It was getting too strenuous for his age. Fifty-four was indeed old. He heaved a sigh of relief as he reached the last step.

The night breeze was cold. Kertzman shivered as he limped towards the main control office on the rooftop. Suddenly, he saw a heat signature register on the night-visor. He panicked and scanned the area. The signature faded. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fist. Evasion. The most advanced training of Alpha 2000 squad. It was only taught to elite troops and Kertzman was one of few who learnt it. Another blur in the hear signature. Fast movement, cold endurance, tactics to evade the heat sensor. Kertzman glanced around wildly, worried. Finish the job. He hobbled towards the office door, bent down and placed a microcomputer chip under the door. “Clearance accepted” the machine blared loudly. Too loud. He looked around nervously. No movement. He entered the office, scanning for the manuscript. It was under the glass cover. Too easy. He tuned the heat sensor up. There it was. Another scattered laser beam. He placed a prism to redirect the laser beam.

Just as he was about to lift the glass cover, the shot came, went trough his heart. He clutched it tightly. Shattered glass, shattered dreams. That was what a perfect crime turned out to be, a perfect disaster. Dreams that were meant to be true. A sniper shot shattered it. Gone. Kertzman’s mouth curved into a smile, a horrible smile as he tore up the manuscript. No one would ever find the treasure.

haha gg sec1 compo
hope you had fun reading tho. =)
gd luck for all exams!

depressed

2006-09-19T21:58:00.000+08:00

ah wells, the usual post - EXAMS
2 weeks left to the finals
will probably make it in time to completely revise finish
just afraid that i might forget some stuff (which i always do) along the way

currently dealing with some issues pertaining to:
life
myself
life
myself
and then, about the social world around me - life

no time to lament or discuss
but feeling rather down these days,
a time of self-reflection, a period of confusion
but i'm just too tired to think anymore
i give up, at least for now

i wish teachers stop giving us unnecessary hmwrk during this stressful period
i wish that the sch wont pressure us to complete other criterias and aspects of IB during this period of time such as EE, CAS and TOK...coz they really arent impt at this pt in time...seriously (even tho they are the ones that count twards the final IB grade). sch always does this to us...last minute, and they always say that it is coz we nvr file properly, nvr do stuff properly wait till last minute...well, im not going to argue anymore

im just gonna take it as it comes
it doesnt matter anymore
after all, like the night wind, time and life gushes past me
engulfs me, and consumes me
till im no more myself, but like that of the wind

3rd most impt lessn:

2006-09-14T00:48:00.000+08:00

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and thewaitress was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins."I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,were two nickels and five pennies..You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

mmm sounds familiar, this story...haha =D

learning from the kite...

2006-09-07T21:20:00.000+08:00

haha =D
went kite flying today!

learnt a lot: =D

like how to actually get to marina south 'kite flying area'
that you must take bus 400 and stop at or after 'Superbowl'
kite shop only opens at 1-2p.m. so if you wanna fly kite in morning you'll have to bring your own kite
bring a mat, bring sunblock (coz its dam hot)

haha and besides that i realised that:

we can learn so much from the kite too:

freedom from control

you know sometimes, the control of parents over their children is like flying a kite. the kite is us, and the person or people flying the kite is them.

we always have the problem about freedom, about them letting go, letting loose. and they always have the fear of letting go too much...isnt this like the kite?

today when i flew the kite, i realised that sometimes, when you tugged too hard or didnt let loose the string, the kite would keep tugging at us, pressurizing us to release more...doesnt it sound like us pestering or demanding that we need more freedom from our parents?

when not getting its way, the kite would either break away and disappear, (like ours did after keeping it tied down for so long) or sink and collapse to the ground, defeated.

sometimes our parents are so tight, strict with us, that that's what happens to us. either we get so hurt and angry, that we break off from them and disappear into our own lives, or get so tied down by them, that we eventually cave in and be defeated.

in order to fly the kite high, occasionally, we would let the string loose when there was wind so that the kite could fly further and higher; but occassionally, we panicked and felt the lost of control over the kite so we quickly reeled it back in to ensure that the kite keeps flying high and stays up there. isnt this what our parents do to us, for us?

some parents let the strings out from the reel, the spool. yet we take advantage of this, and fly away so far and high that our parents feel that they have lost control over us, as if they didnt know us anymore, didnt understand us anymore, and they panic and they start imposing all sorts of restrictions and boundaries and we get frustrated and unhappy.

but we must realise that the whole intention of kite flying is to: fly the kite, to let it go as far and high as possible. i'm sure that's what parents want to, to let us go as far, as successful people as possible. but they get scared sometimes. we scare them sometimes, and they limit us, pull us back safely to where they can see us, control us.

just something to think about: what kind of kite-flyers to we have? or, what kind of kite are we ourselves? do we get too greedy that we fly too fast and far away until we are out of sight? or are we reasonable...but then where is reasonable? sometimes we dont know...questions...answers?

haha just realised something...it takes 2 to fly a kite

i tried flying one myself...couldn't...the kite kept crashing down (tho i did eventually fly one myself after 10 minutes of struggle)

with 2 people...could fly the kite easier and higher.

haha...and today when we flew the kite...another dude and his clever team came over and tried to fly their kite too. halfway there he realised that his kite was flying...zzZzzZ actually, it was more like his kite was stuck to the string of our kite...tangled up...

so...you see, i realised that when 2 kites are flying in the same direction...no problem...no tangles, no worries.

but when 2 kites fly in opposite direction, they get tangled up easily and there's so much troubles and sadness...isnt' this like relationships sometimes? often more than not, we dont realise that both people have opinions that seem to differ...then after awhile, things get tangled up and messy, and then everything gets angry, everything gets pain...hurt.

mm k i'm not making sense

alright...i'll stop my ramblings

had loads of fun today =D

a day off from the world, and work...tmr i BETTER start...shish...last day liaoz...=/

5 impt lessons

2006-09-05T17:38:00.000+08:00

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 P.M., an older African American
woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway
trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had
broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally
unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man
took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
put her into a taxicab.She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a
knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A
special note was attached.

It read:"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
the other night. The rain drenched not only my
clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying
husband's bedside just before he passed away... God
bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
others."

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole

=D

5 impt lessons

2006-09-03T21:13:00.000+08:00

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.During my second month of college, our professorgave us a pop quiz I was a conscientious studentand had breezed through the questions until I readthe last one:"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen thecleaning woman several times. She was tall,dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?I handed in my paper, leaving the last questionblank. Just before class ended, one student asked ifthe last question would count toward our quiz grade."Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers,you will meet many people. All are significant. Theydeserve your attention and care, even if all you dois smile and say "hello."I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned hername was Dorothy.

mm 4got where i got this frm, but yep.i'll post 1 by 1 slowly. =D

hols start

2006-09-02T14:57:00.000+08:00

mmm hols are here again

probably end up sleeping and lanning away most of it
so so tired...its like the last term was 2 terms worth of terms (if that actually made sense)

wish i could come up with some interllectual post but i cant even spell interllectual correctly, guess it'll take some while b4 im fully rested...just last week had 12 hours of sleep over 4 days, only on friday did i actually get 7-8 hours...

kk thanks choo for reminding me to study. i will. i look at all the people studying...i do wanna start my scoring streak again...been a long time since i did well in any exams, not because i cant, but because i havnt been bothered about it too much

i wanna make it 36 pts at least, then at least i can hav peace of mind to train my standard 1v1 warcraft and get into top50 at least by dec. and definitely, no con camp...no way...it'll burn up everything PLUS i hav other commitments that i cannot forsake during nov/dec hols...better get down to work, to work hard

sigh i wish i were a little faster up there, pretty slow nowadays...especially when absorbing and actually remembering things i've studied or read...a lot of people i know right now can just read, and remember...i dunno how they can do it but i know i cant

i've tried writing notes, typing notes, structuring my thoughts, structuring my notes, re-writing important summaries, answering some questions that i've come up by myself: study 101 and still nothing works...seem to cannot remember, maybe 1-2 days after i've studied, everythings still there, but after a while, my knowledge of what i've just studied just slips away...seriously demoralizing...

but i'll pray and i'll still try
my very best to work and work
and play and play still
i'll stop lan 2 weeks from exams, no distractions whatsoever, wont even talk about the game
then after exams i can talk about it for 24 hours with peace of mind

haha yesterdae anuther interesting day
went out to lunch with ex-canoeist at seoul garden takashimaya
on the way there...
(here comes one of JiT's special moments, or rather despo adventures')

met girl at Bishan station waiting for a train
she was like a couple of spaces away,
but when train came she came into my cabin
was quite blown away by her stunning outfit, her long hair and her pretty face
thing is she smiled at me and kept watching me
and when i was reading like my history notes, she took out her chem notes but i kept noticing her looking over at my notes lol
probably sec4, saw her notes too, organic chem i think
haha

(end of JiT moment) = spoil moment
but i didnt ask for her no.
as always...sigh

haha hope nobody gets disturbed by my slightly-off post, just thot i'd jot down my thots...haha

kk i'll go read stephen j. lee again...hopefully some of his analysis will remain in my mind after reading...blehx

comment by kind passer-by =)

2006-08-22T15:31:00.000+08:00

'hypnosis said...'

Many people try to achieve goals. Most fail. Some strive, work hard and plan for all the details yet they achieve little or nothing at all. Others strive, work hard, plan and achieve huge success. Yet there are a few individuals who do little else than take small steps and seem to achieve a great deal with what seems like effortlessness. What is the difference between these people and which one would you like to be?

Most members of the human race fall into two categories - those who live in the past and those who live in the future. Most live in the past. Many of these are the people who achieve very little in their lives and are so fearful of the future that they dare not strike out to get anything. They are the under-achievers who hang onto bad episodes in their lives and either relive them time and again or look at new situations as similar potentialities. They say things like "all men are deceivers" or "all women are interested in is money" or "I can't do it. I tried before and it didn't work so why bother!". Due to bad experiences in the past they believe that all future events will turn out the same way if they dare to go after what they want.

The other type of person lives in the future. This type tends to create more of the things they want in life. They have a vision of where they want to go and exactly how they are going to get there. They work diligently at making concrete plans and they pursue those plans with a persistent ferocious appetite for success. These people are the high achievers - The Richard Branson and Bill Gates of the world. These people have much to teach us about setting and achieving goals. However, there is a third type of person who almost goes unnoticed. They are the person who takes life in its stride and yet achieve most of what they want. I am sure you know of such a person in your life that just seems to saunter through life and yet they always come out on top. Or a person who you hear of that has decided to open a shop. You meet them a few months later and they have three shops all doing well! So what makes these people so successful and if they aren't living in the past and aren't living in the future where are they living?

I suppose you guessed it! Whether they are consciously aware of it or not they are living in the present. It is in the 'living' present that we have our greatest power. Everything happens in the present. You live your entire life there - even if your mind does not!

By becoming more aware of the present and by 'accepting' it as it is we are much more in control of our emotions and focus. When we live in the past we are fearful of making bad choices and/or getting hurt. We do not wish to recreate the past again! When we live in the future we can also be fearful of what might happen. But even if your future vision is full of power and worthy of working towards many people can, and often do, get stuck there. By constantly reaching for bigger and better goals they fail to enjoy what they have in the moment.

If you wish to start living a life that is almost effortless begin first by living in the present. Accept your situation the way it is and then you can enjoy what you have. Your focus changes from a memory of what was or a vision of what might be to a realization of what is. You become much more empowered to then see the beauty of life and also look at where you wish to make changes. But to make changes you must first accept the situation as it is. Trying to escape from your present only increases your focus on your problems by creating resistance to what is. Accept your life as it is now. Make no judgement, just accept it and then you will be free of doubt, worry, pain and fear. For you only experience these things when you live outside the 'moment'.

haha nice read...=D

a teacher...[sensitive leh]

2006-08-17T19:23:00.000+08:00

ok, you might think that it's a waste of time, but today, i'll be writing about a certain teacher of a certain school

we all know that
we have a teacher in school
that not everybody have something good to say about
that even her own colleagues cannot seem to comprehend her behaviour...

i always listen to her laugh out loud
when everybody else in the hall is silent
her laughter, i will always remember
always so fake, so unreal

but when i look at her face
it is of a geniune hearty laughter
and you can tell that, she really finds that thing funny
she finds a lot of things funny

i would like to say that
although we may all think otherwise
that she is a good teacher -

i would like to say that
she's one of our best

today she told us of a bit of her story
her story, pure at heart, honest, frank
really touched me
it was told of her stuggles in school,
down-to-earth
it was told of how she survived through the years
at this school

you know at times,
she can be - i shouldn't use this word - irritating
irritating chasing us down with our homework
but the fact that she can remember off the cuff
as to exactly who hasnt handed up the work
shows how much she cares about our work
it's OURs i stress
yet she always seems so stressed,
'pass up your homework or else you'll have to write a newspaper report'

but sometimes
i hear about things she say...
i know she really has our interest at heart

indeed she is one of the best
her teaching methods
are fantastic, not always but -
you know she is trying her best to make the subject interesting
with her weird humour she captivates the class
it always seem as if,
there is always youthful energy that can be found within her
to be ever so vibrant
to scold one minute and teach the next minute,
is not easy

i understand that the teachers working with her
have little love for her
in the staff room, sometimes
people have that impression of her
i dont claim to know everything
that happens in the staff room
all i know is that
people dont understand her enough
to be able to work willingly with her

but she is
also, very passionate about the subject she teachers
she always seem to disregard other lessons, other events
happening in school
just for her subject
some may think that she is very unreasonable
but she's just being dedicated
to the subject she teach

i can emphatize with her
that she seems always so alone in the school
since she has, honestly speaking, become
subjected to constant judgment in the staff room
that amongst the student population
there are only a handful of students who can
understand her, comprehend her

it is also the reason
that because of so
she enjoys teaching, joking with us
her precious students
the only 'nice' people that she can relay her feelings
but yet, so many others where
love is found hatred exist for her instead

i would say that
her current attitude and behaviour
is the hardening of character
the result of so many years of treatment from various
individuals
that have made life difficult for her
i really pity it, the situation

it is not her fault
it is OUR fault as a school
we have failed to see this person
through the years of her life in the school
to give her happiness - she finds her own

she says the class is dirty
she picks up the broom and dustpan
when she gives us work to do
and starts to sweep and clean up the classroom
not all teachers would do that

remember 'about the boy'?
an article i wrote about a boy
in my former class and current school
well, her situation in society is no different
she has been
after all this years, hardened by society
it is because of US - the society - the school
that has cause her to be like that

and instead of offering her a helping hand
we ridicule her
make her life difficult
and dislike her even more
is it her fault
no
she is human
like all of us
she appreciates 'thank yous', praises
she hardens to insults, and bad remarks...

i still remember
the time when she told the class she was going overseas
for a while
you can tell in her voice, that she was sad
but not sad because she was leaving us
but sad because, no one would miss her
she said, slightly to herself, which i caught -
'but anyway nobody cares, no one would miss me, they'd rather i go and never come back'
then she said to the class
'i'll go there and buy food for you'll back'

about things happening

2006-08-06T17:00:00.000+08:00

=) hi everyone

sorry...haven had the time to update blog
even now, im pretty busy
and probably this is gonna be the most boring post you'll ever read, so i'll be brief

'HAVEN' - the musical by ACS (Independent)
I was really impressed when i watched it on Friday,
really gd stuff! WELL DONE to all who made the show possible!
glad that every1 i asked enjoyed it too =)
set was brilliant, singers were gd, what more could i ask for?
so many mnths of preparation and hard work, so much time sacrificed
i certainly did not regret going for this production by our sch

i saw some1
she saw me
who is she?

=P

Back to school, back to reality
this is gonna be
the time
to start
studying

i do really wanna enjoy myself during the hols
not go back for conc camp
and i certainly do not want to stay back

i guess its time to get down to work
i always say this, and end up not doing anything
but this one, really muz muz muz start!

grade 8
I PASSED on FIRST ATTEMPT! =D really grateful and happy =)

haha alright
HAPPY NATONAL DAY in advance!
really really always feel so proud when its our nation's birthday
somehow, all the years of N.Education really worked for me
i am very proud to be a singaporean. =)

i realised that...

2006-07-30T23:24:00.000+08:00

the more people i know, the less of people i know

is this not true?

meaning of love

2006-07-24T15:05:00.000+08:00

HERE IS MY RESEARCH I HAVE TO DO FOR TOK

'What is the meaning of Love?'

http://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love -Wikepedia

What is Love: what forms of love are there? (narrow it down)
State my definition of love.

Say that it is hard to define the exact meaning of love:

Love is a very strong feeling of affection. Love cannot easily be described for it is a mix of emotions, people can love and be loved in different ways. Love is a different feeling for many people; different people can feel or experience love in different ways. As a result it is something that is hard to define.

There are many forms of love: self-love, divine love, love for another person (family member, friend, lover), just to name a few. In fact, love does not even have to involve people; for example, love can exist in regard to an object or idea. Psychology divides love into three basic catergories: brotherly love, romantic love, and physical love. Theoretically, having all three makes true love.

The basis for all love is respect, esteem, and admiration. Respect must be present in order for love to germinate and grow. One cannot love someone or something one disrespects, hates, or loathes.

Everyone thinks of love in many different ways. Some people believe in love at first sight, while others believe in a love that takes time to grow and become great. It has the power to drive one to greater actions, sometimes crazy actions. It is thought to be the best and highest of all emotions, possibly even the greatest purpose in life.

Many feel love is the feeling of being connected to someone, or something in the sense that you feel you couldn't live without them/it. The feeling of knowing that that certain person/thing is very important to you.

Love can be well described as chemical chaos, although romantic love is seen to fit this decription the best. Brotherly love, the love for family and people close to one is an innate feeling.

http://home.att.net/~scorh2/MeaningOfLove.html
a few 4-8 year-old kids' take on love!

http://www.akat.com/lovebook.html
If you are looking for love, would you recognize it if you found it? Can you tell the difference between love and infatuation? Between love and attraction? Between love and sexual desire? Between love and friendship? Between sex and intimacy? Between a good relationship and one that is only pleasurable?

Emotions --how we feel about each other
Ethics --how good or bad we are for each other
Joys --how much we satisfy or dissatisfy each other

http://www.answers.com/topic/love
A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

Sexual passion.
Sexual intercourse.
A love affair.

An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.

A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.

An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.

A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.
Love Mythology. Eros or Cupid.

SYNONYMS love, affection, devotion, fondness, infatuation. These nouns denote feelings of warm personal attachment or strong attraction to another person. Love is the most intense: marrying for love. Affection is a less ardent and more unvarying feeling of tender regard: parental affection. Devotion is earnest, affectionate dedication and implies selflessness: teachers admired for their devotion to children. Fondness is strong liking or affection: a fondness for small animals. Infatuation is foolish or extravagant attraction, often of short duration: lovers blinded to their differences by their mutual infatuation.

Devil's Dictionary

A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

life - someone or something for which you would give your life.
care - someone or something about which you care more than yourself.
friendship - favoured interpersonal associations or relationships.
union - a synergistic connection, as in the perfect union of two souls.
family - people related via common ancestry, religion, or race, etc.

Types
Courtly love – a late medieval conventionalized code prescribing certain conduct and emotions for ladies and their lovers.
Erotic love – desire characterized by a focus on sexual desires.
Familial love – affection brokered through kinship connections, intertwined with concepts of attachment and bonding.
Free love – sexual relations according to choice and unrestricted by marriage.
Platonic love – a close relationship in which sexual desire is nonexistent or has been suppressed or sublimated.
Puppy love – romantic affection felt between or as though between adolescents.
Religious love – devotion to one’s deity or theology.
Romantic love – affection characterized by a mix of emotional and sexual desire.
Unrequited love – affection and desire not reciprocated or returned.

http://www.answers.com/topic/triangular-theory-of-love

ENJOY!

sorry pa...

2006-07-23T20:10:00.000+08:00

sigh
yesterday i bought my new shoe
if anybody has noticed, my shoe has been baring a huge hole in the right one for like 2 mnths...

went suntec addidas shop to get it
model: chiba Pro

sigh
thing is...there's always a struggle for myself and my dad when we're buying stuff
the price of the shoe: $129
its so expensive...yet i couldn't find any other cheaper alternative, because that looked the nicest in the shop...
my dad always explained it to me that we're still students and we shouldn't spend so much money on branded stuff...the basic purpose is what we need...

and i did...i tried, i walked around looked at the shoes at Royal Sporting House, Why Pay More? and Nike store...
i kept looking for shoes under a $100...actually i found one that was katana, nike, at WPM?

sigh
i stared at it for 10 mins really thinking and thinking about what pa always said...it was gd enuf to be a shoe, a gd running shoe, and reasonable design, and i really didnt want my dad to spend too much on me...but i still went on to get the addidas one in the end
why?

you know...eventually 3 of us ended up at the addidas store: my brother, my dad, and i...sitting down at the cushion trying on the shoes.
my brother and i already chose a pair each, and my dad was trying on another one...and it really did look very nice...but in the end...he smiled and said he was joking and he didnt want it...the total price would have been $300++ for the shoes...

yesterday i saw my dad sitting at the massage chair at Carrefour...leaning back relaxing...really looking older than i've always thought...all those years travelling, going for work, and still having time for all of us in the family...and... all the hard work and stress put in just to give us a good life...and i really felt bad

bad for not doing well
bad for not being able to choose the cheaper shoe
bad for not being a good son, always have debates and arguments about stuff
bad for always talking back to him
bad for not spending enough time with him

sigh
i'm really sorry pa...
i dont know what i am doing

you know its really funny...
i dunno, i've always tried to spend time with my parents, like have one-one conversations every now and again...and sometimes my dad and i would go on morning runs and will just share about our lives and what's been happening...
and i've always made it so that we have dinner together as much as we can...

but the best part about my father-son relationship is when we have arguments and quarrels, that's when we really talk a lot about virtues, life, and basic stuff...that's when we really have a fulfilling chat, especially after the heat, there's always calm moments when father and son really talk things out...
but it still pains me a lot, that i always have to fight my way, like say things to defend myself...and see my dad get more and more worked up...i never seem to be able to give in, to just give in to him and not try and be correct...

sigh

you know
it's always a struggle for me
to know what's right and what's wrong,
and always find myself in situations where what's right is right and what's wrong is right also...you get what i mean? it's really a matter of perspective that something is right or wrong...and i'm always one who knows of both ways of looking at things, and struggling to make the decision to take which sides...i wish i were like most people, just having a restricted way of looking at things and not being able to see the other side, then i wouldnt have to struggle so much...

sigh

mmm
and there's one more thing i would have said if i had time and heart to do it...
council. yup. nxt post then.

love

2006-07-15T16:26:00.000+08:00

'There are many ways to love someone. Sometimes we want to love so much, we're not too choosy about who we love. Other times we make love such a pure and noble thing, no poor human can ever meet our vision. But for the most part, love is a recognition, an opportunity to say 'there is something about you i cherish'..."

A Quote taken from Magician by Raymond Feist

just completed the book, interesting read.

the boy

2006-07-13T21:26:00.000+08:00

the following is a previous post from my previous blog...

i agree that it was his own fault that caused him to be the boy he is today but it was not entirely his fault... there were others who made, moulded him into a hard shell that he lives in nowadays it probably began when people started calling him fat then people probably disturbed him of his pimples i say probably because i wasn't in his class until 3.11... the problem is that majority of the people in that class began to mock at him too and the BIGGEST MISTAKE that he made was that he accepted it...yes, i betcha he did and so his EGO (which wasn't even there in the first place) was diminished even smaller he began to call himself fat, laugh together with those that mocked at him thus his shell builds, that little hard shell began to thicken... he would give those mocking people the look that makes everyone hate him even more whose fault is it now?

...i shouldn't think it is his, perhaps not even those classmates in sec1, 2, 3...society perhaps?...must we reject such a person immediately, so quickly?...4 years is long, yes...but with each year comes new classmates...and they add bricks and cement to that shell, that barrier, that wall that blocks him from the freedom, however little of it, and prevents him from enjoying life

he once told me that his life, the only way he could live was through the computer... i remembered once that his computer crashed and he was indeed depressed people who live through this mirror, this window are those that are lonely, that feel inferior once they show up in their true state, true form...behind the computer he can start anew, somebody who does not have people having fixed viewsof him, people that do not know him, people that can give him chances, chances that his old classmates would never give him...i pity him...life shouldn't be like this...no, not like this that was in sec1...now we are all sec4...

students still dislike him, they hate him... they tremble at the thought of sitting next to him, standing behind him they mock at him like the days of old... and he laughs, trying to be part of them, but he does not understand... he would never be like the rest until the rest decide to give him a chance we gave him a lot of chances

.... we would be nice, he would be nice...but he would do something stupid, something different... and the problem, the hating, the insults would be hurled at him again, each time more powerful than the next... his shell is closing up...to give him another chance is impossible... because everybody already has that fixed view of him...it is hard to change this fact... i am his friend, one of his few friends...but i am a pitying friend...he does not have many friends unless u call those internet 'friends' his real friends...

i don't want to pity him...i want to love him as my brother, a classmate, a friend...i want him to fit in...i dont' want to see him suffer anymore...i don't want to be a pitying friend... we must change as a class...he must change, but we must change, and accept him...he is just different...but one or two person will not make a difference...

because i confess that i laughed at him together as a class before...not because i found the mocking funny, but rather to gain acceptance of those friends that mocked at him...they are my friends...they might make fun of me, dislike me, hate me for siding with the 'outsider' why do they make my life so difficult? isn't this like faith?...faith in God...sometimes we dare not declare ourselves Christians openly in front of non-christian friends...we do not declare ourselves like we do at church...we might face rejection, taunts...we are afraid to be in the same position as this boy...we must stand up, fight for what is right...fight for what we believe in...my advise to this boy...fight smart, fight with your own self-belief...i believe u can do it...no matter how hard the road is ahead of u, change, shape yourself, have faith...u will make it... ...in recognition of The Boy in my class...

yup. thot i'd resurface this post...seems to be still so relevant, sadly.

after exams

2006-07-12T21:19:00.000+08:00

this is what i did today after exams

i went to kAp

bought a hashbrown and coke
talked for a bit, observing interesting people

left to watch superman2

i found it quite nice! but was also thinking...i think ppl would say that it isnt gd. but you see, this is what i noticed: for the past few movies, ppl have been saying that the movie [x3, davinci etc.) 'sucked' or like 'dam boring'. so i ask you...if like that, what movie is nice? i mean, if ppl are going to be so overly critical then what's the point? dont watch then!

and i think that for each movie, its the plot that counts, and even if the plot isnt as complete as it seems, i still think its great. why spoil your movie and your day by saying that you wasted your time and it was bad movie? you are the one that is spoiling you own day by telling yourself that you've wasted time. rather, i think just watch la...anyway different movies different things ma...haha

oh ya

then after that
i went to play lan

won a few, lost a few
most memorable of games ever that i've play
i tell you:

i played showtime.werra, former WCG 2v2 champion and he plays solo 1v1 regularly.

game description:
map: lost temple

JiT)YEW begins with a Priestess of the Moon(potm) and Showtime.werra decides to get a Demon Hunter(dh).
DH runs to Yew's base and harrasses the potm with little success, Yew fully utilising his Ancients as defence. dh runs to centre to heal only to be creep-jacked (cj) by the potm. eventually a few of Yew's hunts arrive at the centre and dh backs off completely to creep his expo. Yew with 3 hunts begins creeping the middle and sadly loses 3 hunts.

however, he successful surrounds Showtime's keeper of the grove as it comes out from the altar with 4 hunts and his hero. showtime denies the xP by killing his own keeper! Yew discovers that Showtime teched and carries on rushing for 15 mins, hardly losing any hunts with Showtime losing his dh and keeper to Yew's brilliant surrounds.

At this point, Yew's hunt ran to check Showtime's expo and finds a completely built up expo with protectors. Yew continues his rush, killing off 2 lores, 1 wind and 1 war with Showtime strategically defending his base from within. Yew is forced to tp to reduce losses of low hp hunts.

rushing again, Yew takes off most of Showtime's archers and dryads including his dh. potm grows to level 6. Showtime's keeper sneakily led Yew's army away as a distraction as he rebuilds his army.

Not falling for the trick 2 times, Yew rushes back to Showtime's base to find 2 giants and 12 dryads waiting. in panic, Yew tps back, losing most of his hunts

gg

i lost like that...coz he led me away for a while...and had an early expo.
i hate expos and i usually go all out to check for one. just today i JUST didnt have a wisp there like i usually do...and i didnt run there to check after he disappears for a while...sigh...too much pressure playing with showtime today...guess i screwed up.

oh wells. tough game. will always remember my loss, the one i nearly won showtime.werra. werra, you reading this? you beat a noob today...=/

haha

what a day...

exams comin up!

2006-06-29T20:58:00.000+08:00

gonna take this in my stride...

concentrating on
maths
econs
history
bio

have grade8 practicals a day b4 common test...which is just great
so i have to memo music history for aurals also...scales are not doing well...sigh

sorry for non-update during this time
will update asap after exams. have a few thots to crear. =D

people

2006-06-20T15:18:00.000+08:00

you know...i've been thinking the longest about this matter
about why are there so many different kinds of people? why are there so many complicated emotions and feelings which exist and why do different people behave differently?

for the purpose of this entry i will highlight this category of individuals:

weird (not behaving like the rest of the ppl around him)

i should say that there are a hand full of individuals around me who behave differently from the rest of the people. i don't personally call them weird because i feel that they are just different due certain circumstances or reasons.

i deem every individual who come out into this world new (as a baby) of common ground. i draw the parallel between a dough newly knead before it is made into bread as a young-born. As this child is growing up, he goes through different experiences which shape the bread and give it its flavour.

varying experiences include:

family upbringing (poor/rich, strict/lenient, single-parent/both-parents)
differing peers' behaviours hence shaping one's manner of thinking. (peers differ in behavior also due to family upbringing and they meet finally at school or at a gathering (church etc.) hence affecting one another.)

although we are made of the same dough, some doughs are hard, some are soft, some require extra kneading, some less, implying that because we obtain different genes from our parents, some of us are shorter, taller, naturally on the plump side, hence this upsets the balance of common ground once genes start to take to effect or become more obvious.

This perhaps is another reason why we grow up with differing behaviours as a result of perhaps mental torment (bullying, mocking, verbal abuse). Our dough is shaped by the vastly contrasting experiences and hence we turn out differently.

However, what i am trying to say here is that: some of us call others weird. they seem to keep to themselves, not fit into conversations, remarks which they make seem redundant and out of place...and do other stuff which i cannot think of which make others call these people weird.

some of us dont like these people, others mock at them, talk about them behind their backs.

i feel that everybody grows up differently, and they have a reason behind behaving this way. instead of encouraging them, helping them, we shun them, push them away, into their dark corner.

remember those conversations where 'he' came to sit in your group of friends? trying to catch a word or two and make his contributions to the conversation? he always said something wrong, or out of point, making everyone feel uncomfortable and irritable? when ever there was a game and 'he' participated, he seem to think of those ridiculus methods to get around the game, or try to help but instead made matters worse? dont we start to think 'how do we get rid of such a person?' and we move away from 'him', leaving him all alone.

YET

how is it possible to befriend someone like that? 'he' always puts you in a very difficult position, 'he' always seems to drag you 'reputation down' what if 'he's' someone ppl would call a 'loser'? then again, is it because the friends around you are not 'loser' therefore you are friends with them? meaning if ever they became somewhat an outcast, a 'loser', you'll stop befriending those friends around you? what kind of friend then are you?

there is a boy once who grew up like every other kid in the block, or so everyone thought so. however, his parents brought him up differently. when ever he was allowed to go out, it was only with his parents. when ever he met his friends, his parents would be there to supervise. so he had no friends, because whenever these friends decide to say something or do something together, his parents always seemed to object. life was difficult for him as a child. when he grew up a little into a boy attending school, he lacked the skills of communication with his peers as well as relating to other people. his peers deemed him weird. some of his peers mocked at his behaviour, some even beat him because they couldnt understand the difference in this boy. this boy was a sad sad boy

when he grew up a little more, he entered secondary school. he thought that he could start afresh, start anew since there were nobody who knew him from his old school. however, by then, the boy was very reserved, kept to himself, in fear of ppl mocking at him. every word he said he was cautious, hence he ended up hardly saying anything. when a new classmate decided to ask this boy out, this boy rejected, afraid that someone would find out.

after a while, this boy decided that it was time to get out of his shell for a bit of light. he plonked himself into social circles that have already been strengthened within the first few months. he was too late. everywhere he went he was pushed out of the circles. whenever he managed to catch someone's attention, he would be so overwhelmed that he overwhelmed that someone and left a bad impression. soon, the cycle was completed and his label stuck to him.

2nd time defeated, he sticks his head back into his shell and goes into hiding. everything he does he seem defeated, negative. 'i cannot do it', 'he's better than me', 'why did you suddenly ask me out?' and 'if i suddenly disappeared would anyone notice that? no, of course they wouldnt'.

whose fault is it? his parents? (whose parents brought them up that way?) his peers? society's? his own? whose fault is it?

how can we help such people? how long should we try? what if you try and others dont, hence not improving the situation?

life is difficult to live and think about

we are all made of dough, our doughs are shaped by different hands, and hence our vast contrasting pletora of unique individuals. once the bread is baked, we are more or less permanently that shape, that flavour. if we take a bite out of the bread, leaving a hole, an emptiness, would a different dough fit the hole and still taste the same?

in the same way, if someone's dough had been shaped and baked wrongly, how hard is it to 'unbake' the bread and reshape it? would effort and heart be enough to do it?

sigh

another meaningless ranting...oh wells.

ranked #257

2006-06-19T22:38:00.000+08:00

you know i've thought and thought about it,
about what kind of blog should i have.
and i realised
i shouldnt be thinking about what to write and be restricted by it
coz then it defeats the purpose of 'so-called freedom' of writing and the purpose and meaning of blogging itself!

so just whack la!

so let me tell you
i play this (points below) game:

WARCRAFT: THE FROZEN THRONE

Arranged Teams

Wins: 64
Losses: 55

Partner(s):
Level 26JiT)wei

Rank:257th

Solo Games

Level 18
Exp:
6,865
Rank: Unranked

Wins: 41
Losses: 35

haha this is NOT dota (defence of the ancients)
this is the standard game meaning the first intention of warcraft as a strategy game, like that of Age of Empires and Red Alert2, all war games utilising building of certain buildings which produce a certain type of unit which is built up into a big army. special abilities of some of these units are to cast spells. big army versus big army. i can never tell you what its all about until you actually play it for yourself!

DOTA is a modification of warcraft. creators not belonging to the original creators of warcraft modify the game to make it simpler, 5 heros a side in a 10 player map. much more easy going and less complicated. 5 heros seek to kill 5 opponent heros. the main aim of the game as defined is to reach the opponents base and destroy the main hall located in the heart of the opponents base.

players go around kill lesser units (called creeps) constantly move across the map and level up. cash in the form of gold is earned by killing the creeps and items to enhance the performance of the hero may be bought with this gold earned. heros have different skills and different items work best on different heros. hence the game's diversity.

but i still prefer the standard game as it is more challenging and more professional. players from all over the world compete quite often at international competitions. it requires a lot more patience, strategy, mental strength, experience and micro-management.

my rank is sadly - sad.
but i'll have to stop soon
exams coming up, lots of deadlines to meet

sorry for the bo liao post
look back nxt time
i'll post something about:

my family
my mom
my dad
my grandparents

now i cannot think
been watching chinese serials: 'condor heros' (the one before 'return of the condor heros')

books finished this holiday:

anasi boys
opal deception

holidays

2006-06-15T21:42:00.000+08:00

sigh
every holiday, its the same
its always
'k i must not waste time, complete work first then play'

or

'i will finish all my work and then plan to study for exams later'

and we'll wait for 2-3 weeks, then last week panic
all hmwrk not done
all studying not done
sigh

and i did remember telling myself and parents that this hols i'll be working harder and finishing all the work...and that this time i wont fall into same thing happening again and now im in the same spot again lol.

so im left with

CAS portfolio (whichisalot)
History Mock IA (whichisalot)
English A1 IOP topic/essay (whichisalot)
Econs IA
Chinese Hmwrk
Extended essay confirm the topic
house page for sch mag

some other stuff im not sure, but i sure have to study for upcoming tests, have started already, but slow, and only favourite subjs started, the rest, not gd.

not gd not gd.

alright will come up with more interllectual posts nxt time, just sorta whinning about last minute work that is going to become more real towards start and end of nxt week.

im gonna start. now

GOOD LUCK DRAGONBOATERS for this saturay's races! will be there to watch!

parties...

2006-06-04T16:05:00.000+08:00

hmm, maybe this is one of topics which i shouldnt touch
but i shall anyhow

what are parties?
especially to teenagers 16-18?
what does a party mean to you?

occasionally i attend parties which are attended by a large group of ppl, that is, 30 ppl or more.
it is not often that i attend parties since my parents feel it is inappropriate for one my age being a student, to attend so many parties

but on the occasion that i attend a party, there are usually many different kinds of views on the party, the organisation of the party, as well as how 'cool' the party is.
There are instances whereby people would deem the party as 'lame' or 'a waste of time' and leave halfway, even worse, stay till the end and then talk behind the organizers' backs about how lousy the party was.

- just because he/she didnt fit in, or didnt enjoy it enough.
- or perhaps its just because he/she was an organizer and he/she compares this party to that.

people go to parties with an expectation.
what is your expectation of a party?

is it suppose to have loud music blasting away,
people dancing away
drinks passed around freely
what you call a 'cool' party

or

like those parties we attended when we were younger
where games were organised,
where everyone's participation was ensured and required?

or

is the party suppose to be for friends who sit around and talk
yet at the same time still enjoying themselves, laughing away?

then people also consider the location where the party is held
is it too out of place?
is it too small, too big?
is the setting lousy?
no classy/'cool' music played?

people DO go for parties with an expectation, a perception of how a party should be carried out
more often than not, a small minority of people go away from these parties with no second thought of attending parties organised by the same person again. no thank you.

for me, i do have an expectation when i attend a party
that is, for everyone to be enjoying themselves
having a good time...after all, we are busy students and we dont usually get time to meet up outside school hours to talk about stuff, play 'bridge' so freely without the fuss of having teachers popping in to collect the cards.

the thing i feel is that we should attend parties with an open mind
not every party is the same, 'cool' or 'not-cool',
its really all about having a great time with friends and perhaps get to know people you dont usually talk to better.
i'm not saying we shouldnt go to parties without an expectation,
but im saying that we should be more open-minded about the whole thing

after all, not everybody is with the same budget
and not everybody has the same perception of how a party should be

=) and enjoy!

a few problems

2006-05-31T21:07:00.000+08:00

for one...tranport fares have been adult for me...
for the past 5 mnths
and the worst thing was -
i didnt know about it

till a few weeks ago
realised that i've been paying a LOT for my travelling fares
went to check - alas! it's true!

i dont believe it...
$$ have been draining from my mom's bank account
to reduce the hustle of putting in $20 into the card every other week, my family decided to trust smrt and do giro instead to make matters easier and simpler.

so i decided to approach station staff with the problem
they smiled, and when i asked whether a refund is possible, they smiled again and said yes.

but i got a shock when a call came few nights back
they said that i cannot get a refund
its a lot of money
my parents did a calculation, came up to over $200, that is because i argued that i couldnt have been $500 which my mom still insists it is!

they told me that
'we've made an announcement, publicly, that all students are to extend their ez-link cards at transport stations from...may not get a refund after jan....'
i was shocked

firstly, i didnt hear whatsoever about any form of announcement, whether was it through sch or through posters because i never saw one...
maybe im not observant
maybe im ignorant of the things around me
but in the first place
whose job is it to make the announcement evident and easy to be noticed?
whose job is it to make sure that I got to know about such an announcement?
so if any stupid ignorant, unobservant student were to not know about this - i for being one - for till the end of the year...how much would these students be paying excess without knowing?

seconldy, its not so much for the money in this case. its about integrity. i feel that i've been robbed of my $$, imagine trusting my sch with giro, and they siphon $$ from my account like nobody's business without informing me first.for this then how much trust should i put out nxt time?

i say its a grey area in the system of giro. the transport ppl may have not been aware of this problem. the thing is that its difficult on my part and my parents to check our account deduction every month and keep track because i do travel a lot and we assumed that its because of this that deductions have been a lot. we were not aware of this error. how then should we be better informed? that we keep track? then we might as well not have giro in the first place!

the thing was that i was aware that transport was deducting adult fare during february because my friends pointed it out to me. they told me to slot it in the machine to extend it. so i happily willingly did as told. and the machine did say that they'd extended the card. so i walked off happy, thinking that i've saved my parents some trouble.

little did i know that this problem would pop up again now...5 months after i've successfully 'extended' my card

i insist on the refund because,

firstly: i am a student, and i have the right to travel as a student, and pay fares of a student

secondly: $$ was deducted behind my back, and if were to continue to trust our transport system, i wish that we rectify this matter immediately

thirdly: it was tranport's responsibility to make it easily and more evident about the compulsory extention of the cards. if i had known about this and not extend the card, i would have taken full responsibility and instead try to pay my parents back for my mistake and error.

i hope with these 3 reasons, i will get my refund back. it is impt
i would write to ST forums if necessary and fwd this to CASE.

thank you.

CAS - Creativity, Action & Service

2006-05-29T08:20:00.000+08:00

Alright there comes a point in time when
things dont always work the way i think they should work
perhaps its because im just fussed up over the whole CAS porfolio-ing
and start whining...
but what ever it is, im just gonna express my unhappiness
at CAS

CAS stands for Creativity, Action & Service
As a student of the IB (International Baccalaureate) Diploma Programme, we are required to fulfill a minimum of 50 hours for Creativity, 50 hours for Action, and 50 hours for Service - a 150 hours in total.
And upon completion of a certain project which encapsulates a certain mumber of hours for each category (CAS), students are required to submit a report and a proposal to obtain approval for the number of hours clocked in. Portfolio-ing includes a log of every single activity done.

now let me air my views, im not happy about 2 things about CAS, but perhaps it would be difficult to change...

Firstly, i feel that the sole purpose of the CAS is to ensure that all IB World students are involved with meaningful activities outside curriculum. This is to enrich the learning experience through community involvement projects, organisation and planning for camps, learning a new sport, teaching a new sport. Im not saying that these are redundant and we should do away with them. Definitely not coz i find these activities interesting and character-developing. What i am trying to say here is that there shouldn't be any recording of hours required.

Its like we have to account for every good deed we are doing - every single hour of it. Its like helping an old granny over the road and taking credit, accounting for it in a notebook. This defeats the whole spirit of community service itself! which is to serve others, not because it concerns hours and criteria, but rather the deed itself which makes life more meaningful.

A student once asked about whether he could complete the whole CAS thing within half a year and slack off for the rest of the years of the IBDP. The teacher sternly replied 'no you cannot! you are defeating the whole purpose of the IB CAS program! You are expected to complete these hours over the length of 2 years to ensure your continual involvement in activites outside curriculum hours.' What i have to say here is that, you see - students now see CAS program as an hours-completion assignment rather than meaningful hours of activity.

The thing about our school and its nature is that most of the students are constantly involved in projects, planning sessions, CCA (Co-curricular Activity) involving sports and games, clubs and societies, performances such as Centrestage requiring more than a month of careful planning and that most of them usually meet the criteria quite easily. However, these students complete these activities without logging in hours because in the spirit of the activity itself, hours do not matter but the work done itself. And it seems that at every end of the term, students are stressed over remembering how many hours they did, and how to split specifically those hours into CAS which is simply too tedious.

I say, we do away with those hours. i say yes to portfolio-ing of activities and obtaining a reflection from each activity done. I feel that this is more in tune with the spirit of CAS, rather than just simply an hours-completion assignment.

The second thing im not so happy about is the unclear line drawn between what is considered CAS, and what is not. For example, there is the question whether service hours should be awarded (why is this word here???) to students involved in Centrestage - a fund-raising activity for the school. Some teachers felt that service hours should be awarded to students doing Community Service, and not this form of activity. But in the first place, these students put in a lot of sweat and blood into getting this together to raise funds for the school, and this IS service to the school, and hence shouldnt there be NO question whatsoever concerning whether these students deserve (why is this word here???) service hours. They are working in pendulum with the CAS spirit, doing this outside the box of normal curriculum.

I say we need to define more clearly what is CAS hours awarded to. Another example would be students who come down to school the whole day to plan out an activity or a camp. How should these students divide the time up into creativity, service and action since the activity itself does involve the action of the students practicing the activities planned themselves, service to the school by facilitating such a camp, and creativity involved in planning such activities. That is what i mean...all 3 of CAS are involved at almost every point in time. How should we, as students, know how to divide it? divide it into 3?

Well, expression is only superficial if nothing gets done
i hope someone would read it and help US ib students sort this out.

council thoughts.

2006-05-11T23:23:00.000+08:00

today had council meeting
now's quite late so i'll be brief.
found out a few stuff so i'd like to share some with you.

k...the executive committee of the student council was named today at the meeting. those in major positions are

president: arthur
vice-president: vantok
vice-president: hansheng
secretary: john loh
secretary: dickson
treasurer: matthew mun
discipline: alistair
events: jj
welfare: tp
PR: josh hoe

haha im VERY glad that these are the people that will be spearheading the 1st ever student council at acsi and im sure that they all have the capability to excel and get the job done...TRAIL BLAZE! =)

well i would like to clarify a few things:

council selection - this was done really manually without any references or vetoes or preferences by the staff who selected the council members. the votes were all of what decided who are in the student council. found this out...was curious therefore raised it today at meeting...so yup. at least i was reassured about this by the teachers in charge and i think that i will hold their word to it coz the way they said it they really meant it no reason to doubt them.

i hope that clears out some doubts about how ppl got into the student council. members got in entirely by votes. votes were counted twice to make sure.

exco was selected by purely the members of the student council. we each had 10 votes and we had to vote for 10 ppl in the council which we thought would be good for the exco. the minimum votes each student in the exco got was 15 and the highest was 29. bear in mind that total ppl in student council is 32. therefore i would say that this allowed the teachers to gage who would be supported well if voted into exco. therefore i would say this is one of the fairest way to select the exco. yup!

congrats art! always knew you could do it! have much faith and trust in your leadership and im sure that we'll be the trail blazers leaving behind the most amounts of star dusts for years to come. looking fwd to working with you and the council members.

installation will be held monday term3 week1...

thanks ppl for much support of the whole electoral process! glad it went smoothly and i think that you ppl voted very fairly and just. =)
i will promise you that council will be as you expected. we have a lot to do...standards to set. pray for this first batch of council members. they need a lot of support and encouragement. pray for strength, guidance, and wisdom. =)

haha gonna study for JUNE man...hey guys! this will be the easiest exam in the whole of our IB life...lets score well when we can! study and enjoy after! =)

any problems? and questions? leave comments. tag. thanks!

weedle!

council

2006-05-07T14:32:00.000+08:00

finally, after almost 2 weeks of campaigning and 1 week of oEp, the council results are finally out. and im glad that i've made it. right now, the thing for me to do would be to start immediately working on things current to our everyday life in sch.

at the moment, the newly elected council members are adjusting to their role as student council member, as well as sorting out who should run for the ex-co positions. give us some time to settle down. we promise that your votes would not be a mistake.

a few issues i would like to discuss in this entry of mine:

i understand that there has been some bitterness of certain individuals that have been voted into council, and raised eyebrows as to who have gotten in. i would like to say that i too have been surprised by the team that the sch has compiled for us. but i assure you that the people who have been voted or chosen to join the council all have potential to do the job for you.

another pressing issue that i would like to address would be the issue that many of the students who have won their seat in council are those that were in the previously known oC or Orientation Committee. there has been much resentment expressed by a large no. of students towards this results.

i would like to say that yes, the oC had some advantage in the council elections as they had Initial B (orientation 1) as well as O2 (orientation 2) to prove themselves that they are worthy of their seat in council. however, these are the students that have volunteered to work for the school during the nov/dec holidays, returning back to sch on numerous days and attending meetings to ensure orientation's success.

i would not hide the fact that i too was an oC member, but i would like to say that working with the people in the oC has showed me much about the capacity of their ability to work and i would also like to say that they will not disappoint you by being in the student council. having worked with the school during the initial few mnths would have seasoned these bunch of students to work more closely with the school, and built their understanding of the school system as well as how it functions. i would say that the small no. of oC members in council will contribute to the school and do their best in serving you for the rest of their term in council.

the question of elitist must not be left out since some of the student population still feel the presence of the elitist group, much of it coming from the oC as well as the sC. i would like to say that my position as a student council member is that the council will not form an elitist group that divides the student body. i hate the fact that there has been such labelling of certain students present in the school as it gives rise to the problem of cliques found in schools and in our everyday lives. but i do see your concern and i would like to say that my being part of the student council will not be one of superiority or anything special. being given this position does not make me any different from the responsible students of the school. we are one, not 2 separate bodies. i promise to watch out for any bunching formed amongst the student council members, and if ever so, point it out to them.

however, i would like to assure you that the students elected into council have been, somewhat carefully chosen by the school. these are students with responsibility and an attitude to work for you, and not form a group which is more superior than other students.

i know i have not solved the problem of this view on the newly elected sC, but i hope i've been reasonable, and said my piece without the air of pride OR defence because i am will not tolerate pride or fake words with fake intentions.

i think that the council members have been elected in for a purpose. it comprises not only of oC members, 1st intakers, as well as 2nd intakers. i look forward to working for you and the school and i hope that you, as the part of us in the student body will work with us to make school life, ib life, a worthwhile time in OUR lives.

thanks to all who voted for me! =)
i will not disappoint you!

i realised that my past few blog templates have been slightly hard to read therefore i decided that since content is more impt than blog design, i've decided to change the template to a more legible one.

sorry pern yi...sigh

2006-04-17T20:35:00.000+08:00

hey pern yi...really sorry about what happen at Q & A today...sigh
on way home all i was thinking about was my last comment after you answered the qsn.

i thot it would be interesting to ask u back the qsn u asked...
and my last comment wasnt meant to be sarcastic at all...

because i truly believed that you would get votes from ppl.
but the way it turned out and by ppl's reaction,
it was in the wrong tone. sigh.
im really really sorry about how it turned out.
hope you'll understand that i really meant what i said.

yup.

anyway today was Q & A...
im not much of a speaker actually
it was pretty okay i guess, the way it turned out.
just really negated it with what i said about pern yi that i didnt even mean to.
didnt even know that it would come out the way it seemed to have came out. sigh.

i guess one thing i learnt was to be really careful with what i say frm now on.
some things are pretty sensitive that might get ppl the wrong idea.
oh wells. yup pern yi!

brother always alright?
gd luck for ur campaign!

COUNCIL CAMPAIGN DAYZ

2006-04-13T20:36:00.000+08:00

past few days been pretty tiring...
3 days of non-stop campaigning really got to me today...
well...this was what i did...and what i hoped ppl would notice, and what i thot ppl noticed.

first day [tuesday]:

put up JIT posters here, there, everywhere in sch so that people would notice. haha. i thot it was pretty alright. people did get to know 'JIT' on the first day. most of the stuff i wrote was part of my inspiration from the previous night.
then in the middle of the day, accidentally wrote 'Spam it! Spam Jit!'...and haha, i guess i really did get enthu about it after that and pasted JIT posters everywhere in sch.
now everybody knows me as JIT the spammer, not exactly what i wanted, but...i guess i was pretty glad that they know they've got JIT.

some sec4s did tear down posters, and my posters being pretty rampant in the linkway, were snatched down. initially i thought that they tore them up and threw them away, but i found out that a few ended up in a few sec4 classes as keep-sake lol...anyway, i was like nehmind, just stick some more lor! yup...so 1st day was pretty tiring.

Second day [wednesday]:

after the first day went down to visit aunty lucy for some packets of sweets. decided to do JIT sweets as 2nd phase of campaign.
as sch was having REW that week, sch was assembled in the audi.
went to sch at 0630 to paste JITtapes and place JITsweets on alternate seats. aim was to show that JITcares...yup. i guess it was okay...but some ppl didnt get a sweet, or even see the effort. but =) it was A-okay.

today none of my posters disappeared. but afternoon i decided to remove all JITposters as posters frm other campaign grps were rather rampant and hencethe lost or lack of effectiveness of posters. i just hoped that most people already got the JITthing already. instead i decided to replace it with phase4 agenda, WHERE? posters. single word, ppl did qsn who's posters were they and even asked me why WHERE?. i'll explain on monday. i hope i'll be able to bring the message across!

later in the afternoon was rugby finals. was really depressed and sad when the results came out. usually, i hate it when people say that the officials were not official enough coz it shows lack of sportsmanship and loser attitude? but this time, it was so obvious that i as a spectator and a supporter was pretty demoralised. i felt that our guys played well, they put up a good fight and effectively emulated the AC spirit and showcased what rugby was ALL about - passing and doing it proper. didnt really like the way the other sch carried the game. the officials seemed to have won the game for them. it really spoils the spirit and mood of rugby - the game itself.

went home thot about the match, about how it went, didnt start working on 3rd phase till 9 plus.

Third day [thursday]:

today was all about 3rd phase. JITfeets, JIThands.
i guess it wasnt as good as the first 2 days. spend really a lot of time on the hands and feets. yet they were not solid enuf to put here there everywhere, had to put them where nobody treaded. people eventually got it after seeing the slight spam along the staircases.
anyway:

JITfeets were suppose to represent a given direction, the course for the sch to progress on. JIThands were guiding hands, hands that would encourage, and support the student body in anyway JIT can.

i guess it the mood was rather down after the previous day's rugby finals and i guess, in some ways, the campaign flare had died down. the reason why the previous day i had taken down ALL my JIT posters were to emphasize on JITfeets and JIThands, and the reason why i did those shapes were also because the posters that were rectangular and rampant didnt really work anymore. so i guess...it was o-kay for today.

CANOEING WON! CONGRATS TO ALL CANOEIST who FOUGHT THE GOOD FIGHT AND WON the B'DIV canoeing championships title. WELL DONE! really proud of the juniors. saw them training really hard this year, with weekly self-disciplined runs and early-morning chin-ups. so glad for mr.C =) wish i was there to support them.

anyhow, didnt really feel well today...my head was feeling crammed up and tight, like it was gonna burst and flu and sore throat made things even difficult. sigh. at least, i have the weekend to rest and rejuvenate, preparing for the 2nd part of my campaign for student council - YEW.
first was JIT - introducing who was jit...and then YEW - what i can do for YOU. yup. i expect the 2nd part of my campaign would be more serious with more depth.

a lot of ppl are campaigning...some arent tho...sigh, wanna help them, but...im already so busy with mine own.

hope it was a gd day at sch for you. rest well too yea? =) always!

CENTRESTAGE 2006!

2006-04-01T11:00:00.000+08:00

a really SPECTACULAR event for the first half of the year! yesterday acsi held the biannual centrestage 2006 at the usual CPA which sold out so fast that enthusiastic vistors who hoped to get a seat in the packed CPA had to wait outside whilst more chairs were brought in.

centrestage is a biannual event showcasing the talents in terms of acting, scriptwriting, directing and even stage management. indeed it was a night not to be missed!

haha the MOLE was FABULOUS! it saw arthur and his gang of thieves managing to steal the ACScalibur diamond frm a museum. after which the audience were treated to the ongoings of the getaway onboard shit R.S.S. Ramly [given that ramly burgers were sold at acsi]. they spend ELEVEN days on the OCEAN. however, as they were making the getaway, the diamond goes missing and the bose - arthur, discovers that there's a mole on board the ship. during those ELEVEN days on the OCEAN, the gang of thieves try to sieve out who the mole was. packed with hilarious characters, a wide range of jokes, and directives at school issues in the likes of the 'lolipop tie', the 'ship attendants' scarfs', 'no ramly burger till after sch', indeed the MOLE voiced out...the voice of the acs ib to relevant authorities. indeed it was a gd medium through which free expression was maximised to its capacity. fantastic acting, gd storyline, the audience were treated to loads of mystery, and laughter.

however, the biggest WINNER of the night was THE VAULT which saw the likes of Shawn, YiYang, LeiLei, Elsa, and 2 familiar favs darren and yaowen conjuring up a story of emotions, of deceit and much romance, a story where a pair of star-crossed lovers...yea. haha. indeed there is no words that could describe the atmosphere during the run of the play. this another one of BLT's brilliant genius of directional skills. frm short movies to longer movies such as vendetta, blinded, the union buries its dead, to directing a play, indeed BLT has come a LONG way in terms of his ability to direct, as well as pull off a marvelously written script [by Mel.Yeo, Kenneth and friends]. indeed it touched the audience hearts as it did mine. the setting was one at IBO - an international Banking Organisation [pun intended was international baccalaurette organisation] where a security officer by the name of frances takumi tan ah gao held post. it was also a place where the pretty lady officer, the woman of frances worked as a bank officer. he's 'ah pa always told him when he grew up, he must treat the woman nicely'. his 'ah pa also said that when he grew up he must work at the bank - because that's where ALL the money was'. and there was his long time rich friend - fabulously acted out by yiyang - millenium rolex tan who was a proud and confident young man who just acquired the control of IBO. indeed the portrayal of yiyang's character and the script writing involved which touched the hearts of many was one that gave THE VAULT a trememdous boost to its already gd set. the 3 ah bengs who sold 'Liu lians' were also another contributary factor to flavour of the play as much of comments made by the 3, especially shawn's character, wowed the audience with hokkien vocab and hokkien sayings. yaowen and darren were themselves on stage.

of course, we must not 4get the action packed side of the movie which saw the afamed SWAT team carry out their duties. much of the costumes, provided by blt and crew were realistic. the VAULT surprised the audience with their sudden appearance amongst the audience which was indeed useful in bringing out the tension of the play.

best actor went to liow for his brilliant acting skills as the bad guy, as well as his hilarious cackle unique to yiyang.

best actress went to elsa who touched the hearts of much of the audience in her part as the banking officer in the vault

with 4 nominees and 3 awards, the VAULT indeed impressed not only the audience, but our most esteemed external judges as well.

i cannot begin to tell you how great the atmosphere was, how great the play was, you would have to watch it again and tell me. if only you could. a night full of emotions, and action, with much effort put in by the whole crew, indeed the vault deserved to be the winners of the night.
i was so glad that i was there yesterday night. for all the effort that my friends put in, i felt that it was more that worth it to have been able to catch the play.

nxt week is council interview.
pretty nervous about it
but like i said, if i didnt get in, i would still propose stuff that i would in council, to the school. i am confident that with determination and confidence, i would be able make my contribution to the school. for its performance, and for its overal image. most impt thing is the spirit that we must not let die. and that would be one of my agendas in partaking the responsibility as member of the student body first, and then, if, council.

yup. haha nxt week back to work, clean up the messy nest of the vault in my class, start writing the actual tok essay, and then, the interview. hope i wont be too nervous and fluff up.

when you're ready, i will be.

VERY GOOD!

2006-03-25T19:09:00.000+08:00

TKK YEAR 5 captures the CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE!

haha thanks to SO MANY PPL OUT in the LEVEL who took part in the gd spirit of the competition and contributed to the points prior to us pipping CKS in winning back the honours for TKK. not that its BIG thing, but STILL...it was GD FEELING!

Nicholas Chee [TALL MAN]
- 1st for TripleJump
- 1st for LongJump
- 3rd for HighJump

Tiang Peng
- 2nd for 100m hurdles
- 4th for LongJump

Marcus Low
- 1st for 400m hurdles
- 4th in 4x400m relay team
- 3rd in 4x100m relay team

KerKiat
- 2nd for 200m
- 3rd for 100m
- 3rd for 4x100m relay team

BenKoh - 3rd for 4x100m relay team
Liow - 3rd for 4x100m relay team
Shreya - 4th for 4x400m relay team
John Loh - 4th for 4x400m relay team, javelin & discus PLUS loads of support and encouragement
Andre - for going down for his field events even tho he had match! =)

and

Myself
which wasnt too good, but at least i know i did my part and contributed what ever i could. =)
- 4th for 400m
- 4th for 3000m
- 4th for 2000m SteepleChase
- 4th for 4x400m relay

including swimming
- 4th for 50m backstroke
- 4th for 200m breaststroke

AND...today, i finally BROKE the curse of 4ths
AND got a
- 3rd for 800m ! =)

hahahahahahahahaha

and all the people who came down for their events. A BIG THANK YOU...you see! no matter how small our contributions are to the house...they ARE still worth something! =) AGAIN NXT YEAR ALRIGHT people???

annnnnnnnddddd!
the girls...try again nxt year! im sure we were there already
thanks to jemma who swept the field events, zelanie who medaled the field events, beth who stormed the front in mid-dist races, feli who sprinted like the wind!! =) and all the other special ppl who i didnt mention

it was a GREAT day TODAY, but, let it be GREATER still the coming mnths as we find ourselves, our future, and our lives. thank you. [dam speech]

now im really tired...gonna do some work for tnite and turn in early...heart still hurt a little, especially after the runs...sigh...hope nothing's wrong.

cheers!

TOK ESSAY BlogDraft

2006-03-24T20:14:00.000+08:00

This is somewhat my points got frm a website.
i will rephrase.
but i really dunno what else is there to add either than some examples and some philosophical thoughts throughout the century.
i'll go on thinking about it still tho...

Both statements are contradictory in the sense one aims to define truth as relative – cultural relativism whereas the other defines truth as objective – absolutism.

Relativism
-is the belief that what is true is what is accepted by one’s culture or community. If truth is determined by the cultural acceptance of the assertion as true, then the truth is generally accepted as true within the culture. A belief is considered to be true if it is widely believed to be true within the relevant culture.
-what makes an identifiable culture are the common beliefs shared by the people of that culture.
-what separate one culture from another are the differences between the common beliefs of the two cultures. For there to be two cultures, there must be two different sets of common beliefs shared by two different groups of people.
-since beliefs differ between cultures, as documented by cultural anthropology, ‘truths’ must necessarily differ between cultures.

HOWEVER

“Cultural Relativism is more widely maintained as a system of Ethics than as a treatment of truth and knowledge. In Ethics, Cultural Relativism maintains that what is ‘good’ and ‘right’ is defined by the common beliefs of the culture as to what ought to be considered ‘good’ and ‘right’”.

Absolutism
-branch of thought which claims that a statement is either absolutely true or absolutely false and therefore, nothing can be true for a culture or era and yet be false for another.
-establishes the criteria that determines whether or not some assertion is to be considered true and whatever the is, if it can be accepted universally.

blehtz...'tis hard man...haha, but i think the reflection is harder still - truth and knowledge. can die. =/

tmr is TRACK and FIELD MEET!!! TKK will prevail! 'KNOW YOUR HOUSE RULES!'
haha
...sigh, probably wont win anything again. but still, i will try my best and giv the winners a run for their money...haha. =)

pretty tired, will revise SOME stuff and go sleep. tmr got 800m!

a new beginning...

2006-03-20T13:07:00.001+08:00

so much has happened to me for the past few mnths. learnt a lot of things too. im glad.
but
i think its time to settle down to do some serious work...just realised that there's a lot of stuff to work on. really hope that i can deal with em all. promised that i wont go out regular lan sessions with my pals at sch during whole of term2, hope i can keep this promise.
really wanna do well this time so that i'l have june to myself without my parents bothering me. and so that i'll have at least the confidence to do well come final year. recently been feeling real down coz im not exactly up to the standards of the people at acsi. and its really really tough keeping up with the people. but i know i can make it. if i really commit myself to it and study hard. even if it's to mug. i really want to have a REAL break for once during the June, do some other stuff, catch up with friends, go out with my 4.11 classmates to sentosa again? haha guys, hope we'll can go.
4 subjects i wanna concentrate and do well in
econs history biology mathematics
and the rest is like lit and chinese...haha, well. hope im up to it. sometimes when you look at the BIG picture its really really scary. so i guess i'll take things step at a time. baby foot in, then the giant foot will follow. haha. =b
i think my eyes are getting worse. sigh. i'm like losing control of them. i hope i wont go blind suddenly. oh wells.
yupyupyup. hope you had gd day at sch! haha =) congrats for GRADE8!!! told you you could do it! got smthing to show you. remind me k?

a new beginning...

2006-03-20T13:07:00.000+08:00

so much has happened to me for the past few mnths. learnt a lot of things too.
but
i think its time to settle down to do some serious work...just realised that there's a lot of stuff to work on. really hope that i can deal with em all. promised that i wont go out regular lan sessions with my pals at sch during whole of term2, hope i can keep this promise.
really wanna do well this time so that i'l have june to myself without my parents bothering me. and so that i'll have at least the confidence to do well come final year. recently been feeling real down coz im not exactly up to the standards of the people at acsi. and its really really tough keeping up with the people. but i know i can make it. if i really commit myself to it and study hard. even if it's to mug. i really want to have a REAL break for once during the June, do some other stuff, catch up with friends, go out with my 4.11 classmates to sentosa again? haha guys, hope we'll can go.
4 subjects i wanna concentrate and do well in
econs history biology mathematics
and the rest is like lit and chinese...haha, well. hope im up to it. sometimes when you look at the BIG picture its really really scary. so i guess i'll take things step at a time. baby foot in, then the giant foot will follow. haha. =b
i think my eyes are getting worse. sigh. i'm like losing control of them. i hope i wont go blind suddenly. oh wells.

yupyupyup. hope you had gd day at sch! haha =) congrats for GRADE8!!! told you you could do it! got smthing to show you. remind me k?

evening

2006-03-15T19:07:00.000+08:00

today i saw the boy walking thru the park again...
just he wasnt walking his usual pace
he was running, tears streaking down his cheeks...
he didnt walk home. he stopped at the park, sat at the benches, covered his face, and cried.

i just moved into the neighbourhood a year ago.
everyday i would see the boy walk thru the park,
mostly at about 6-7p.m.

a year ago, he walked very fast, as if always in a rush to go home...
as if every minute was wasted on walking
yet...

a few days ago...i noticed that his pace slowed...
he seemed to have difficulty walking,
stumbling over his feet occassionally
it seemed as if there was no direction in his walking

just yesterday a car nearly knocked him down
it screeched to a halt behind him...horns blarring loudly.
he turned and looked, and then humbly moved to the side of the road
and continued walking his way back, slowly.
he seemed lost in his thoughts.

today he was broken.

i sat at the bench he sat at after he left
there were frequent breezes that passed the park
it was beautiful, the park in the evening.
the whole atmosphere was one of serenity.
but somehow,
i didnt feel the way i usually felt
something was different, changed.

and all of sudden,
i felt so cold and lonely.

life

2006-03-07T21:56:00.000+08:00

loads of things i wanna write...dunno whether can remember all my thoughts on my mind now. im feeling slightly depressed and down now...sigh. guess its kinda of the first term mood...everything isnt going too well...

my studies are like crap...not that im doing badly, its just that almost everybody is doing pretty well, and they're like the best humanities ppl in lvl...and also...its not just about beating them...its also about doing well. for example my cousin told me that ppl in his sch, for ib had to aim for like 18/19 out of 20 for essays...this is the kind of standard to get a gd scholarship. if i'm getting like below these, how can i even compete for a scholarship? and also, i cannot deny that i have been thinking past few years that my lit is gd, that my english is gd. but ever since i came up to year5 i feel so inferior, so lousy at everything, especially english/lit. i cant believe all these years ive been getting so high, suddenly the critera changes, teachers expect different things, and i start to become borderline pass and being average. i really thought that lit wasnt about using bombastic, cliche, HUGE, chim words in order to score well. i always thought that a gd interpretation was all that was needed. that's how ive been scoring. now it changes. interpretation must be there using BIG words. words that only the people in my class know, words that i havnt heard before. im really sad at this coz i feel so OUT, its like the teachers are marking me as if i was an average lit person, or a newbie at writing lit. they are teaching me how to write essays. but the thing is. i do know how to write. i hate it when my standard has become like that. i refuse to believe that my standards have dropped. im just angry that all these years no one has corrected my way of writing. all i have been getting were praises. now i hit rock bottom. its really demoralising. =/ sigh. i'll have to work A LOT harder now i guess.

i really hate it when i say that 'i'll work a lot harder'. never seems to materialise coz i am pretty busy. busy about dunno what. always end up just finishing the bare necessities. i cant see how ppl actually play, go out, do so much out-side curriculum stuff, and still do well. i feel so dumb and stupid. everytime a teacher teaches something in class, i do everything a model student would do. i would take notes, do everything i can to pay attention, read up a little b4 lessons...and still, nothing goes in. i have to go home. write out notes on my own. re-read the stuff 2 times overb4 getting it into my head, only to 4get it after a week or so. then b4 exams i have to re-study everything. i hate the fact that there are a lot of ppl out there that actually just listen in class, go home read 'a bit', and everything goes in like it was always there. and at exams, they ace it. its just not fair. then again what is fair? i hate that issue of what is fair and what is not. arrgh. =/

and sometimes i do stuff at sch...and it really takes up a lot of time? and end up i dont really get any recognition. i mean, the stuff i do, i dont really deserve recognition. but, its just not fair that sometimes i do things behind the scenes, and other ppl get credit for stuff they do outside, and the people at the back, are not appreciated...its really not cool with me. i really spend a lot of time on some stuff which ppl dont know about. i guess im not really that rArA type of people that becomes the centre of attraction or likes the limelight. i cant do it. then there are always those with that gift, and they get all the credit. im not really talking clearly, coz these thoughts in my mind arent clear too. thats why ive been feeling so =/

pass few days and weeks. its really quite bad. how should i think? what should i do? why should i care? why shouldnt i care? and its quite sad how people leave the sch, go to another sch, have all the fun and laughter, make new friends there, and pay lesser and lesser attention to the old friends that they have in their old sch. i had a couple of friends who were in express last year...and they left for other schs. and u'll never hear from them anymore...just like that. 4 years of friendship and gd times, and they just drift out of your life, into someone else's life, some place's future, gone from sight. yet, it makes them happier. you know that they are making it well somewhere else. some place they are enjoying, having gd times with other ppl. you cant help but feel happy for them. but at the same time, there's always that feeling of sadness, that they're out of your life, that they can spend less time with you, talk to you less. i dunno. another thought unclear. i hate being so blurry and full of mixed feelings.

i dunno why but whenever i see situations, i always see it from all perspective. i guess u can call me an understanding person, one who reads situations well. but i hate it sometimes because at one point i see advantage to myself, yet i see the disadvantage it does to another person. and i dont want to disadvantage the other. you know what im saying? and im beginning to get tired of myself saying 'i know' because i really do...and i understanding a lot about other people. how they are feeling, how they feel about the way you do things, about the way things seem to them. but i'm beginning to hate it. why should i feel that way about people when not everybody is like me? understanding? why should i be so nice to them? after all, when they get something fulfilled, some problem that u helped them solve, they just move away...thanks only. but then again, what more should i expect? that's the way people are, the way things are in life. im just crapping, im just luan up there...just saying stuff that i feel like saying...sigh. =/

and...in a way, im beginning to get tired of the culture of the sch im in now...its all so superficial, so unreal. there are so much politics in class, in sch, amongst friends...why cant we all just be together, have fun...and laugh together? you try to be yourself...and sometimes people just dont get you, appreciate you. i have friends who are like this, being themselves, yet they have to pretend now because the culture rejects them, society does not approve of them. so they hide and fade into the background. but everyone deserves the limelight. i have a strong belief for my sch. it is a very gd sch, with a supposedly strong and rich culture and tradition. but now i feel its all dwindling away. i feel that our batch is the LAST batch that can actually bring the 'fire' back to the sch, back to when it was strong, rich, where memories are ever memorable, time spent worthwhile. ours is almost the last batch. yet we are all so busy, busy with our own lives [myself included], busy with studying, busy with catching up with sch work, busy with playing away, we lose ourselves in our own world. why should any1 bother, care about whether the sch tradition is dieing? i hate the superficiality in our sch. i cant seem to find words, phrases to describe the way i feel about the current state our sch in.

i look at other schs, they dont boast about rich culture or strong traditions. they HAVE it already. people are being bonded closely as a cohort, as a sch. people are REAL to each other, down to earth, honest about things, yet our sch, almost everything is so fake. why cant we just live happily together? so what if it's cliche? i want our sch to not only boast it, but i want us to have the spirit, the acsian spirit that we used to think we had. there is stil some essence...i can feel it somewhere, lingering, waiting to be summoned, i do really hope we can find it, and bring it back. we invite old students back to make inspirational speeches, that we are so proud of. yet there are so many of those that do not make it, or are not so successful...and they were part of the culture, yet they do not get called back. is that what our sch is? achievements first, culture later? i hope im making sense, because i really mean what i say. i want things to happen this year. nxt year, for the years to come. humble is the word.

i think. why is everything so strict, so secondary sch like? we are jc-lvl now...my sch's really serious...as in other schs have like 2nd orientation for a FEW days to a week...we have a pathetic 1 day. and new students who come in just attend lssns as if they have been in it for 3 mnths...i thought we were a gd sch...we are still, but in some way, there still requires some attention and improvement.

you'd ask me to pray. because im confused, not in the right state of mind right now. but i tell you i've prayed about this a lot of times over. and, nothing just seems to work out. im just really depressed that things aren't really going the way they are suppose to go. i feel down because im losing it all. losing my language, losing stuff that i nvr thought i lose...and i feel somewhat...i dunno...bleh =/ i just hope i can settle some of these thoughts as soon as possible. i want to start, move on with my life...progress. there was a flame that was burning bright in the dark the wind blew and the damp twigs and leaves covered it and it went out or at least the boy thought it was out he removes the twigs one by one, slowly, carefully he sees a light amongst the twigs slowly dimming his heart sinks he wants the flame...he needs it, to burn, for him to see to see the things happening b4 him however, he patiently removes the things covering that spark he kindles it, and it starts to burn again not as big or brightly but at least he could now see the truth and reality b4 him that life, may not always be perfect, big, or bright but at least, there will always be that spark for us to kindle and keep burning. whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks i will be right here waiting for you.

<3 you loads... sigh. gonna miss you loads dont 4get me alright?

week 10

2006-03-04T21:33:00.000+08:00

=) takes some kind of a genius to DO my blog man!

haha
now i have a NEW blog!!!
thanks dear, loads! =)

last week of sch [week10] is finally here. Loads of people changing sch, entering new jcs, making new friends. kinda miss out on the whole process of studying for o levels, getting results, applying for jc, posting into new jc, attending a jc. suppose i'll never ever be in a jc. ib's loads of a difference. haha. but im so glad im in acsi, and in ib. its gd! =)

heard loads of people in my sch got posted elsewhere like innova/and poly...hope not many ppl move out...i like the cohort as it is now! =) wish there was more sch spirit and house spirit...like people wanting to perform well for glory of sch and stuff...sigh...there isnt much in acsi as i hope there is. =/

okay...set my heart, im gonna do well in maths and econs this year. and the rest i'll just try my best. =) my class people ARE really humanities people coz they really write well, articulate their points well during class discussions. feeling slightly demoralised...but i'll work harder to catch up with them i guess

nxt term's gonna be a brand new term for brand new start. gonna get everything up to speed and prepare for the mid-years commontest which is always actually a mid-year examination put nicely...

haha dear you gonna START sch man! no worries alright? just be yourself...and have fun! being in a jc's always fun man! but study too alright? then we can enjoy hols together! =)

<3 you loads

need to refurbish BLOG

2006-02-25T13:34:00.000+08:00

aihz...i NEED a change of blogskin!!! its getting a bit BORING
and the words are not exactly the easiest to read. my symphaties.

been a gd week...=b
all the tests are done...left with chinese nxt week...
nvr had a gd chinese teacher except in sec3...suppose that's why we all dont like chinese huh...haha.
been trying my best to be OKAY in my homework, passing them up on time
but not easy la...sometimes just dont feel like doing

im in a relax mood for now...
have one LongWritingTask (LWT) to complete
and one TOK reflection to do that i have no idea what to write about.

feeling a bit sick, slightly better now...bleh sch hours are SO long...cant wait till march, but then again, its so short a holiday.

2005 4.11 stephen still and will rock always =)

A amour votre sentir
A amour votre gout
A amour votre touche
dont wanna JAMAIS l'arret aimant vous.
amour vous =)

test test tests!

2006-02-22T10:59:00.000+08:00

blehx...having all tests now...
had biology yesterday and they asked us about history of cells!!??? and who thought of what part of the cell theory. =/ wont do well la
just had econs...was gd until i found out that i missed out assumptions of making an opportunity cost. haha.
gonna have history test nxt. dunno but i dont really feel very confident. preparations were okay. but now i cant seem to remember anything.

how do you actually remember stuff? i cant. i have friends who eat textbooks. but i dont know how...blehx..haha
having recess now...

cya.

2006-02-17T19:33:00.000+08:00

really feeling tired now...
half afternoon out at pool really drained me
bleh im out of shape
head's really hurting now. too tired to think it off
need a massage badly...
had a rather disappointing maths test..
im gonna have to study a lot harder for the nxt one
felt that i didnt giv my best at all...
sigh

'twas nice sharing some quiet time with you...

o's results

2006-02-10T22:42:00.000+08:00

o's results are out
sigh
wish s'pore didnt have such a competitive education system...
but then again, it has to, only then will education continue to improve.
im sure EVERYBODY tried THEIR BEST
yet not all got the same pts
everyone deserves an A1 for effort already. really. its tough being in s'pore and actually completing the exam.
its a gd education system. but gets d7 for so much stress and competitiveness...

sigh
then now decide JC...
in life...choices are HARD to make
but they MUST be made
to go to nxt stage of EDUCATION
but it is hard
it is DECIDING nxt PART of LIFe
what u going to do nxt time, what job
its now that people decide
it's hard

but NO MATTER which JC u go to
there ARE ALWAYS opportunities to SUCCEED...EXCEL...
because at the end, it's all the same exam everyone takes...not the name of the sch, not the reputation...but the results of YOUR OWN HARD WORK.
u do well, u do the sch proud, + yourself.
just remember that going into a not-so-well-reputed JC does not mean its the END
its NEVER the end UNTIL u giv up
yea, all these inspirational speeches, blehz...but they're always true

and doing BADLY just makes u wanna work HARDER for nxt time...there' are OTHER opportunities for you to DO WELL
its not the end...its just a start, you know what im saying? ya!

IS ACJC going to raise the POINTS for JC admission?...
what ARE they doing by LOWERING THE points to 9?
especially when the IP schs are just set up, where all the supposedly braining students went...
doesnt mean that if they get top rankings, means they have reason to raise ma...
i mean, if they are top few, then their ability to educate weaker students should be better.
i suppose i dont get the whole picture, but this is my corner of the picture.
perhaps since they became gd sch, everybody wants to go in, so they have to lower pts to restrict amt of students, and of course, getting the better crop would be optimal
gah

but i would say if they were to raise the pts if any regrets of lowering it to 9, they would raise the arts to 11 at most.

yep

dont worry
we'll figure this out together

cny dayz

2006-02-01T14:50:00.000+08:00

blehz, wasted whole of cny not doing anything
haha...either than collecting ang baos
and eating and eating and eating

didnt do anything...still got some stuff to do b4 tmr begins...

'the world is fair'
'no it isnt...if God was fair...and just...why does he let disasters happen?'
'the world is fair'
'...and the tsunamis and the earthquakes, and all the people in the world suffering?'
'the world is fair'
'where is He? when they need him?'
'He has His reasons'
'but he created this world'
'He has His reasons'
'to let people suffer?'
'IT could be part of his Greater Purpose'
'the world is fair'
'i dont, cant understand...'

-taxi driver

sigh...if only there was one concrete answer...

deep

deep

deep

down in my

heart

you left something behind

that i'll never ever 4get

love you! =)

haha GO SLEEP!

sch

2006-01-21T17:01:00.001+08:00

sch REALLY begins
haha, yup previous 2 weeks a waste of time at sch either than socialising and getting to know more people as well as getting to know ppl better.
pretty interesting actually, past few weeks, coz of gurls in the sch, i see new people in old people...not as if they became more gentlemanly, its just the fact that i observe people trying to mix with the girls, i hope to make them feel comfortable, not uncomfortable, in the new school. thats a good thing. hilarious part is that people ARE beginning to LIKE people in sch. haha quite funny la. yup, that was the past 2 weeks.

things are beginning to settle in, like:

doing homework and handing in homework on time [i do really want to do stuff properly this year]
my CAS [creativity - action - service] (for this one i really dont know. like i dont understand some stuff like for what is considered in the criteria...coz its quite hard to measure CAS hours. yup. and plus i'm not really planning to join like any CCA this year, so it'll be quite hard for me to complete CAS. but i must, in order to pass IBO requirements)
House Captain duties - like what must i do, how to kindle that kind of spirit - how to make ppl want to participate in events FOR the house. yup.
whether i should join the Student Council. [a few concerns are - firstly, i dont want it to take up too much of my time EVEN tho i REALLY DO want to DO stuff for the school - secondly, i dont want to be part of a CLICH, a group of friends who are in it BECAUSE they want to be in the CLICH.yup i want to work with REAL members who WANT to do something for the school. - Thirdly, i want to do what a STUDENT COUNCIL is suppose to do, not some PREFECT duties. because that wont be what i join the council for. Fourthly - i must be committed, willing to make sacrifices. I BELIEVE that i CAN DO IT. I BELIEVE that we as a STUDENT COUNCIL can make the school a better place. I BELIEVE that we will be willing to MAKE SACRIFICES FOR the school. we will. i will. ] [ apologies...that was rather long]
studying. i must get down to it. only a few weeks to go b4 the first few tests come in.
must pray.

Glad to see that most of the new students are SETTLING DOWN at the school. HOPEFULLY [eh please lor] that ALL of them will stay with the release of the RESULTS. and more will come in. yup. new campus coming along well. hopefully the new audi will be completed soon. the old audi so small.

sch system has to CHANGE. they are still treating us like we are SECONDARY SCHOOL ppls. BUT the FACT is...we ARE IB, year 5 students. [apart from the fact that there ARE a few people behaving like sec sch ppl. and spoiling certain proposals we have in mind] THEY should give us a break. i mean...sometimes, why bother...then again, if THEY are too slack, people will take advantage. so THEY have to be careful. but how careful? the hair length still has to be the same as sec ppl. etc. i mean, unless its like obviously long then must cut. they're chasing us...hounding us down as if we dont know how to take care of ourselves. sigh. but then again, like i said...they have to do such things, its pretty pissing off. BUT they hav to do it.sigh. lol just wasted whole para contradicting myself. =/

alright. i'll talk about family now

there are many different kinds of parents. most parents love their kids. some dont know how to show their love. some dont know how to control 0r manage their kids. some dont know how appropriate love evenly to their 2-3 kids.

there are also many different kinds of kids. kids that are grown up teenagers. kids that are still children. kids that are grown up but still behave like children.

different families hav their different set of rules

in some families, kids are treasured until the fact that they are spoiled. they dont do any housework. or they dont hav any other duties either than study at school, and play. they hav maids. a few sometimes. their parents may even go to the extent of going to sch, talking to the teachers, to impress upon them that their kids go untouched at sch.

in some families, kids are still treasured. but they do hav some obligations to do some housework. to take the initative to do stuff when their parents are tired...or if they hav no maid or when they are willing to do it.

in some families, parents impress on their kids that they hav to do the housework. to wash and clean up after them. its not really fair to them.

different families bring up their kids differently

im a kid that was brought up in a family that impressed upon me since young that everybody in the family owns the family. although we dont always have to do house work...there is always that sense of ownership, that sense that 'if you dont do it, then papa, mommy, or wei/mei has to do it' so we do things with accordance to the flow of things at home. when one is tired the other does it. when we are all tired we take turns doing stuff. we split the work. because ALL of us belong to the family. ALL of us own the house. it is OUR duty that we should do keep the house neat, to feed each other. when some one cooks, its not right that that same person washes up. its not very fair to that person [unless there's a maid - then that's her duty when she agreed to work for us]. but we still feel bad. yup. it is the environment we grew up in, the values impressed upon us that give us this ownership, this belonging to the family. even when my mom didnt work...we still split the job. and my mom always scolded me if i had too many trainings, or i was hardly at home, coz then my brother, wei, had to do most of the stuff with her. my sis helped a bit...coz she's too young to do most stuff. yup.

but each family is different. i just wish that the people in every family dont take each other for granted. because its not fair for one person to do everything. we take turns. but we each have our OWN obligations. when the kids are free, they can help out. when they hav to study, or during school term, they should not be obliged to do any more housework, except the minimal of self-maintainence, like perhaps ironing, washing of shoes, perhaps, and if the family cannot manage, then a maid is required. yup.

hope everybody can understand what i say. i hope you do...

well good night dearest.im like partially drunk already. love you a million times over.will always. see you tmr then.

my wife

my one and only

my life.

it has begun

2006-01-08T20:06:00.000+08:00

haha first week has passed

orientation for acsi was GREAT
although not everything turned out according to plan
they still turned out well and im glad it was a success

haha hav no time to say it all,
anyhow...this year is like serious year lor
my parents seem to want me to study hard this year
and so do i. been a few years of slumping results liao

and the people that entered IB are pretty gd too
tho loads entered by DSA and other reasons
there's still quite a bit of new competition
yup

gonna have bridging courses for nxt week
we' old boys have to sit in tho
oh well...too bad lor...bleh

well, been a tiring week for me
im gonna try and sleep early today
b4 that, i must say stuff

firstly, i would like to welcome the new students into ACSi
just to let you know, you've entered into one of the neatest and coolest school
but, i would also like to say this to the rest of the old people
welcome them, and not because of how they look, or what their backgrounds are
but rather welcome them all because they are new
and they still need to adjust
we are one BIG family now...dont welcome just the popular and the rich
and leave out the rest to be all alone by themselves
there are a few who feel left out...help them, encourage them
let us be the BEST cohort ACSi will ever have!!!l

and secondly, i'm saying this to my one and only-

i'll love you always

weak and the weary may falter
but i'll stand forever strong by your side
yup =)

alright. this post is not finished...bleh, i hav to rush off somewhere else now.

untitled

2005-12-31T16:57:00.000+08:00

time flies so fast. haha...hols is almost over
well wish that it was longer...felt that i watched it pass by me
without giving me a proper rest
bleh
nxt year is another train i must take
keeps going till it reaches the destination
hope i wont burn out, or freak out.

my new year resolution 2006:

you know, its like we always make promises, like resolutions? and dont fulfill them?
my first resolution is:

To keep and fulfill made promises and yet-to-be-made promises
To study hard, and to give all i have (like not sleeping in class, paying attention, and revising the day's work at night etc.) [i'll hav to watch this one closely coz its gonna be hard]
To be a fine example, to be a beacon of light and a shining star for the Lord, to be a change-maker at school, and to grow stronger with and in Him.
(later)

haha yup, that's it. but i'll probably have more... when i think of them i'll add lor.

you know, im like how sad sometimes. The last canoeing gathering we had at daniel's house, the team gave us our lifejackets back, the ones that we have been using since sec1. we immediately put them on at the house. it was hilarious at that point in time. But looking back, it's really an experience being in canoeing. i've learnt a lot from the training, like self-discipline, knowing how and when to make sacrifices, how to manage my time and life, to grow stronger in character. and trying on those lifejackets, i felt so warm, so...comfortable, like a part of me, yet the year has passed, and we are no longer in the team...we no longer go macritchie for training, kallang...we no longer get trained by or scolded by our coach and teacher.

the years in canoeing have been especially trying for me. my coach, the team, and i went through much together. whether was it getting scolded, laughing, crying, sitting there silently with one another, saying prayers, i never regret one moment being there, being with the people whom i can trust, the people who made me grow into the person i am today.

you know?...its been like a struggle i had to go through. 2-3 times a week, after having a tiring day at school, im there, wondering...thinking, 'should i go for training today?' but i thought of the team, of the people there, and i would drag my feet there...imagine...during the holidays when the previous day was training and you are all aching over, and still, reluctantly, i go for training.

but the atmosphere once i arrive at the training places was totally different. down there, im no longer tired, weary, reluctant or regretful. and after each training, i look back and go ' lucky i woke up and came'. i never for one training regretted being there. because at every training i learnt something new, a new stroke, a new tactic, made a new friend, learnt something about some1, picking up new skills, growing in characture, becoming more mature. now, every time i wake up during the holidays, i wonder what my teammates are doing...what they are learning, and i look at the life jacket...and i really feel sad that im no longer there

thank you mr. see...for always being there for us, for me, for taking care of us even though u hav work to do, thank you for the sacrifices you have made for us, for the things you have done for us. i'll never forget what you are, what you did. you mean so much to my life, to what i am today...thank you mr.see

[unfinished] have to go somewhere, then hav dinner at night, will finish entry by monday.

love you always, wife =)

jityew

Happy Christmas!

2005-12-22T20:53:00.000+08:00

haha hi everyone!

hows the holidays been?

mine's been great, especially for the past almost 3 weeks :)

bleh, the only one thing is that i havn't started on nxt years work yet

quite a few ppl started lor...blehz

CHURCH CAMP WAS G-R-E-A-T

God

Reigns

Eternally

ALL

Time

super fun and yea, realised stuff, learnt about new stuff, made new friends, and grew closer to God. yea. AND worship rocked!

...been losing loads of standard games in a row....crap

actually, all i want for christmas

is
votre amour :)

but u've given me that and more!

my new year resolution:

heh...still thinking about it...

je vous aimerai pour toujours et pour toujours, toujours, pour l'éternité jusqu'à la fin du temps

a bit wrong, but im sure u'll understand haha...

je t'aime!

...always...

2005-12-05T18:45:00.002+08:00

not only do je vous aime
but
je amour vous
Te quiero

...always...

2005-12-05T18:45:00.001+08:00

not only do je vous aime
but
je amour vous
Te quiero

just...

2005-11-25T21:48:00.000+08:00

"Goodbye My Lover"

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,

You can't break my spirit

- it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,

Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry,

I've seen you smile.

I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd be the father of your child.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,

And I love you, I swear that's true.

I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I'm asleep.

And I will bare my soul in time,

When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

-by James Blunt

all and all how things go...

2005-11-24T16:43:00.000+08:00

confessions:

im afraid to die
i'm afraid of growing above 25
i'm afraid of life's pursuit
i'm afraid of society's power over freedom

i'm afraid to lose conscious forever
i'm still not 100% with GOD or GOOD, and i'm afraid
i'm afraid if ever some1 hates me
i'm afraid to lose friends
i'm afraid of what other people think

i'm afraid of...i guess...life...haiz

zhen de gan dao yi han

but

i'm okay for now i guess...
life's pretty gd
dota, warcraft, msn
friends, meetings, and stuff

well
i hope i will do something productive

haha

went to help out at grandparent's market
sell eggs
haha learnt a few stuff

1. count the eggs b4 putting into the bag (coz customers allowed to pick eggs and put in basket, they might put 1 extra, or 4get to put 1 in and blame me for cheating)

2. grab a bigger bag if the customer buys 20, coz the small bag wont fit all

3. how to open a plastic bag fastly (coz they tend to stick together)

k im done

byebye!

2005-11-22T15:43:00.000+08:00

haha...a pic of me just in case u dunno how i look like!

brilliant

2005-11-21T23:19:00.000+08:00

my life is brilliant, my love is pure
i saw an angel for (of) that im sure

blewh...haha
long time no update liao

well
sentosa WAS fun
we buried ppl in sand
dig water mote
chase girls away (which was pretty embarrasing after)
ate at playgroud
watch chee196cm dump whole roll of mentos into root beer for volcano effect
eggy got burnt - i told him put sunblock like 4 times he dont
went dim house
ate zhi cha with the rest
went home early

thanks guys
for being there
for being class 4.11
really will miss everybody
though all still in same sch
but, we're not 4.11

new life
new beginning
do well nxt year, i want

well
34 days to christ-mas!

haiz hols like whole day slack around, play dota/standard game
listen to james blunt
listen to techno 2005
bleh, read loads of books
finished 8 books so far...

i want to watch hpotter4

well enjoy holidayz!

HI SAMantha! dont worry 'bout hair!
it'll grow

CLASS OUTING 4.11 STEPHEN

2005-11-12T22:47:00.002+08:00

hey guys

sorry for messing up the last time

This time we're going SENTOSA
and i wont cancel or postponed

so its confirmed this Wednesday, 16th NOVEMBER

meet at HarborFront Mrt COntrol station at 8.30

spread the word
call me if any doubts

call ppl to tell them
plz i want EVERYBODY TO BE THERE

thanks guys

p.s.: bring SUNBLOCK, change of clothes, beachwear, and balls

cya then!

WARNING

2005-11-06T13:37:00.000+08:00

GUYS THE CLASS OUTING - CANCELLED

Sorry, i just found out that a few ppl would be inconvinienced or cannot come on that day
and our physics teacher cannot come...yeah

sorry guys i should hav checked earlier

PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD AROUND COZ I DONT WANT ANYBODY TURNING UP ON THAT DAY AT HARBOURFRONT!!!

chee and a few of us will plan the proper one...so check blog for nxt time k?
sorry!!!

Yours Truly,
JitYew