sorry pa...

sigh
yesterday i bought my new shoe
if anybody has noticed, my shoe has been baring a huge hole in the right one for like 2 mnths...

went suntec addidas shop to get it
model: chiba Pro

sigh
thing is...there's always a struggle for myself and my dad when we're buying stuff
the price of the shoe: $129
its so expensive...yet i couldn't find any other cheaper alternative, because that looked the nicest in the shop...
my dad always explained it to me that we're still students and we shouldn't spend so much money on branded stuff...the basic purpose is what we need...

and i did...i tried, i walked around looked at the shoes at Royal Sporting House, Why Pay More? and Nike store...
i kept looking for shoes under a $100...actually i found one that was katana, nike, at WPM?

sigh
i stared at it for 10 mins really thinking and thinking about what pa always said...it was gd enuf to be a shoe, a gd running shoe, and reasonable design, and i really didnt want my dad to spend too much on me...but i still went on to get the addidas one in the end
why?

you know...eventually 3 of us ended up at the addidas store: my brother, my dad, and i...sitting down at the cushion trying on the shoes.
my brother and i already chose a pair each, and my dad was trying on another one...and it really did look very nice...but in the end...he smiled and said he was joking and he didnt want it...the total price would have been $300++ for the shoes...

yesterday i saw my dad sitting at the massage chair at Carrefour...leaning back relaxing...really looking older than i've always thought...all those years travelling, going for work, and still having time for all of us in the family...and... all the hard work and stress put in just to give us a good life...and i really felt bad

bad for not doing well
bad for not being able to choose the cheaper shoe
bad for not being a good son, always have debates and arguments about stuff
bad for always talking back to him
bad for not spending enough time with him

sigh
i'm really sorry pa...
i dont know what i am doing


you know its really funny...
i dunno, i've always tried to spend time with my parents, like have one-one conversations every now and again...and sometimes my dad and i would go on morning runs and will just share about our lives and what's been happening...
and i've always made it so that we have dinner together as much as we can...

but the best part about my father-son relationship is when we have arguments and quarrels, that's when we really talk a lot about virtues, life, and basic stuff...that's when we really have a fulfilling chat, especially after the heat, there's always calm moments when father and son really talk things out...
but it still pains me a lot, that i always have to fight my way, like say things to defend myself...and see my dad get more and more worked up...i never seem to be able to give in, to just give in to him and not try and be correct...

sigh

you know
it's always a struggle for me
to know what's right and what's wrong,
and always find myself in situations where what's right is right and what's wrong is right also...you get what i mean? it's really a matter of perspective that something is right or wrong...and i'm always one who knows of both ways of looking at things, and struggling to make the decision to take which sides...i wish i were like most people, just having a restricted way of looking at things and not being able to see the other side, then i wouldnt have to struggle so much...

sigh











mmm
and there's one more thing i would have said if i had time and heart to do it...
council. yup. nxt post then.