midweek holiday post.

dont feel ready at all for the upcoming exams. just totally exhausted from the past few months of gruelling essay writing and compilaton of IAs...and i still haven't handed in my CAS file yet. burn out? no i dont believe in that....but i feel so weary...keep having the temptation to play...where's that self-control? non-existent...sigh.

just hope i'll do decently well. after all...i have been writing quite a lot of practice essays. i really dont know how i would fare by the IB exams. this prelims...im going to really take it like a practice exam. to see what i know and i dont know...after all...that's what exams are for after all no?

struggling to find some purpose for my being. i know im there. i know who loves me. i know who cares. i know who i care for. but people...sometimes...arent enough to keep me going. i wish i had that kind of energy for everything that i do...but past few weeks...i feel as if i've been losing it. we claw, we clamber on...cling on to? don't know. life's a struggle no? the troubles...the problems...are just - inconsequential. the struggle comes with finding one's self. ah human nature. sometimes i feel as if i've read what i type somewhere...or...i've typed it before. are we all really in search for something? or maybe it's not a search. it's just something that is missing. not there. AIYOH! haha always end up posting emo confusing paragraphs.




every action, every thought - was with the same aims, the same hopes - to be able to stay there - to keep the status quo...to not let, allow anything to affect, to change...i guess, the blurred lines...just kept things...tangled up.

but it was nice...being in the midst of it all...once before...perhaps never ever again...





to be your confidante...someday again.