Wednesday, December 30, 2009

image preservation and sensitivity

im in a real bad state guys. at the moment.

ok maybe not so bad. but a few decisions i made recently based on my need to preserve my image and pride have cost me quite a lot.

i really dont know why i care so much about what other people think about me. + im a perfectionist. i hate it when people wrong me...i hate it when people think of me as lesser...i hate it when people misunderstand me...and i hate to leave bad impressions on people. i really dont know why i cant just find comfort/confidence from within myself, knowing exactly who i am and what i am capable of. why must i care so much.

i find myself complaining, or explaining alot...doing reflections and having a little difficulty letting go of the past. as much as i like to counsel people to live and let live...i face these same problems myself everyday. i cant really ever forget...and i tend to like to try to make things better, soothen out every issue that i come across.

and i wish i was more thick-skinned. seriously. being nice, being accommodating has cost me much thus far this life. worse if people dont even appreciate. yet i do it automatically. i must be the nice guy...the one who gives way...the one who must have a bigger heart...sometimes i dont even think about what im doing till im halfway through doing it and then i realize what i am doing.

im dead broke. and its all my own fault.

sorry guys for the rambling again. but i just had to let it out somewhere. here i guess


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