lazy

after inventing many excuses for NOT blogging (for example: no time), i realized that im just plain lazy.

it's not as if there arent any thoughts floating in my head waiting to be splatted out on this page. Rather...im just too lazy to formulate my thoughts into words (let alone crafting beautiful sentences/phrases to make my post much nicer to read). rawr!

a few updates...let's see:

had a pleasant weekend last week staying at home...hardly went out except with my family. had this awesome jap food buffet dinner to celebrate my sis birthday...and watch The Dark Knight on saturday. sun i actually stayed home and lazed around the whole day.

i must say that i was really impressed with heath's (the joker) acting. i went to the movie (The Dark Knight) dreading that it would disappoint me (thanks to all my friends who have been raising and re-raising my expectations for the movie - 'oh it was great you HAVE to catch it' or 'jit it's really gd go catch it as soon as you can' AS WELL AS all the fantastic movie reviews that i have been reading b4 actually watching it.). BUT i was so relieved that i was not disappointed at all. on the contrary i was so glad i found the time to catch it. the last time i saw heath acting was in The Patriot but he wasnt really outstanding then. im not sure about Brokeback mountain and the other movies he did...but he really stole the show this time. On the whole the movie was great. It was the first time a long movie didnt bore me or kept me going 'hurry up and move on'. i was paying attention to every single part of it. i would gladly revisit the theatres to watch it again. -.- sounds like a movie review.


mm yea i didnt go out with the guys (dota gang) the whole of last week...in hope of saving some $$. having been running low for a period of time already. i keep overspending...thinking that the following week i'll just have to spend less but ending up spending just about the same every week...meaning the last week b4 my allowance comes i'll have near to zero. which isnt a gd thing at all. money management is key. i guess i have to learn it the hard way. over and over again. it's been months like that. okay i gotta start limiting myself to a hundred a week. then i'll be gladly safe. blegh. or i nid to find a job


this weekend - WCG @ Kovan CC. this will be the last of the series of WCG Qualifiers. Will be trying our best. but sadly, joelong and mingen wont be able to take part with us. they are actually quite impt to the team. well, the line up for this weekend: jityew, ivan, yoonsup, jiaqing + ? (still looking for 1 more player). We'll meet zenith during the 3rd round. gahz. hope we'll make it till then.


ok im starting to feel lazy again. shall stop here bahz. -.- this is really terrible. soon i'll turn into a sloth. >.<

words, phrases in my mind

consciousness

conscience

appreciation



selfishness (the acceptance of it), hence make allowance for others

emotional capacity to support more than 1

admiration of friendship, reassurances that eventually led to deceit

betrayal pleading for forgiveness, or the lack of guts



yet



yearning and needs

distances put between

separation not knowing reunion

contacts lost through failing stamina

missing the soon to be missing



words forever left unsaid...emotional words

feelings hidden within, perhaps never to be revealed again

concealed
























k will add more when more words surface after swimming deep in thought.

dota and ns

past few weeks have been quite hectic...been on the computer for quite abit and yet havnt had the time to update the blog. rawr. dota competitions rampant every weekend, planning, training, travelling to the different locations have certainly tired me out. im quite exhausted...plus havnt had sufficient sleep for like a month already.

and so i got 3rd at WCG HomeTeamNS Balestier, won a Samsung MP3 player...not that it was a really difficult tournament...but at least i learnt quite abit frm the playstyle of a top team Impreza...as well as gd advice frm Ant.

went for a compy at some far out marine parade (which i decided to pull the team out since i knew it wouldnt be a worth it investment to stay there the entire day just to play on 10 laptops with 100 over people there - good choice...in the end the reduced the prize money to like $50 + $150 taka voucher and it ended VERY late)

the one was @ e2max cine called CyberGamingFestival org by NUS. It was quite a wasted day actually...we won the first two rounds too easily, progressed to the quarters, and met a team that we always lost to...and lost quite badly. everyone was sooo tired by the time it was 6p.m. (we were there at cine since 10)...that people started running into battles 1 by 1 without having clear conscience...and died like flies) That match shouldnt even have been played. We were sucked dry by all the waiting plus playing tower defenses. ah...and the keyboard for my terminal was rather weird...where hotkeys positioning were all messed up...since there was an additional column of keys on the left. arrow became leap...starfall became arrow...and most of the time starfall didnt come out because i kept pressing the arrow hotkey as well. messed up.

but then again...even if we had won that match...we couldnt have played on the nxt match due to the fact that it was already late evening on sunday and the guys have to book in.


gaming...arranging for training with my team has gotten alot tougher ever since nationalservice began...because the book out times are so unpredictable...it's hard to arrange matches as well as meeting times. even certain competitions we had to skip by virtue of the fact that they are still in camp. its really a headache trying to coordinate everything. most of the compys that we signed up for we went for without any training...using the first few rounds as warm up/training. i guess NS does make it quite hard to play really competitively....at most we go with the intention of getting a few games in...and having fun...spending time with each other.


then again...another issue to consider. the team consist of 6-7 people....but the guys who used to hang out together before i started calling a few of them for trainings/competitions have like 10-14 people. everytime i call for training...i feel bad to the rest because im removing 6-7 people from their group...when everyone just want to chill out and have fun together after a long strenuous week at camp.

OR i could arrange for training with the team...and the rest of the other guys would come down naturally...and in the end we dont train and end up playing inhouses...





and so it HAS been stressful...coordinating everything, trying to consider everyone's schedules...their preferences...as well as manage their feelings that everyone is happy. and it IS hard to make everyone happy. yet everyone are friends. i dont want to be the bad guy...


its so difficult...and yet so easy to just let everything down and join another team...too many people have asked me to leave my current team and invited me to join theirs. but i've been with this group of friends for so long...if ever i win...i want to win with the current team i have...and not jump bandwagons just to clinch glory where the grass is greener.

team synergy WILL prevail some day...


there are not many solutions to the problems that i have mentioned earlier...and the only logical solutions is to just quit dota...and move on. but i still want to try...even with the disheartening knowledge that each week would have people stuck in camp...each week i have schedule meetings that are almost impossible to arrange (should i consider the remaining people within the circle of friends...)



and


i havnt been meeting up with the rest of my friends...friends that i've known for a long long time. i've been neglecting the rest. to me...that isnt healthy...and i dont feel comfortable carrying such guilt around with me. i do miss them alot...yet with each weekend there would be a competition...another excuse to give a close friend that 'im busy because...'



somehow...it is a frustration. dota is not an addiction. to me...its an interest...and to a certain extent...a passion. something that drives me to succeed.

but

should such passion be allowed to overshadow the maintenance of close relationships...to be allowed to cloud or put walls between myself and faith? i cannot allow that to happen...either.



rumble. tumble. crumble.
rawr.