Tuesday, September 01, 2009

more ramblings

as usual, i've taken a long time to update.
as usual, nothing much has changed since my last post
as usual, im still stuck playing dota and not really doing much else in life
as usual, im thinking of those things that need to be done to make my life much more meaningful
as usual, i know of my potentials and of the places that i could go...but once again, i fail myself in terms of taking any form of action.

as usual, im regretting...and lamenting on these facts...when i jolly well know what the possibilities are should i GET UP on my feet and start MOVING. as usual...i dont do anything about them.

instead im reduced to writing on this blog time and time again...about my life's regrets and oh how i wish i could STOP all these 'as usual's'. pathetic. and so superficial. nothing's real. and people who read this blog...post after post will soon develop this perception of jityew.blogspot.com. 'ah dont bother reading anymore...probably about the same old shit'. and the truth is - you're probably right. but i cant help it. i got no one else to complain to or whine to since i've probably already told everyone of my so-called 'situation' about 2 years ago. im still stuck within =/

i want change. i wish i could wake up one fine morning and find out that there was no such thing as DotA. that i havn't been playing such a game for 5-6 years. that no one would ever mention to me about such a game because it never existed. unfortunately, this kind of thinking wont get me anywhere. it's not realistic. the truth is...i've been stuck...entrapped...snared by this single game. i havnt played any other games by sheer fear of being hooked on to multiple games and hence taking up more of my precious little time left.

its really frustrating...how i KNOW and yet NOT DO. i know its harmful...i know im not really doing anything else in life...i know that i should start seriously considering where i wanna be 1 year's time. i know i should be trying to reapply for scholarships again.

i know this...i know that. sigh. its really quite horrid. how much do i value my future? do i really have that much potential that i can DONT plan my future and yet believe that everything will still fall in place? is that the mindset that i have grown up to believe? that everything will settle for itself and that my future will be successful regardless of what i do now? i cannot allow myself to believe in such things. im no longer that young. im no longer that immature. i should be growing up more now...understanding more about life and therefore doing things that will contribute to my future.

i know this i know that. i should be i should do. i could be i could do. rawr. its really scary huh. pure blatant outrageous complacency. simply that and probably nothing else.

alright let's make a to-do list of things that GOT TO BE DONE before the end of october. and i shall make a promise to this blog (im not really very gd with promises...and i hardly issue out any in the first place for fear of not being able to keep them) that i will update in 2 weeks time to check my progress:

Immediate tasks -
  1. Apply for PDL asap before Sept 7
  2. Sign up for HSK exam with Crestar.
  3. Complete Les Roche application form and submit.
  4. Complete Fudan Immersion app. form and submit.
  5. Find a good vocal instructor and start lessons
Other long-term tasks or things that can take slightly longer to settle -
  1. Research on other good hospitality schools in the world...as wells as courses offered in singapore that would link me up with colleges overseas.
  2. Research on hospitality scholarships in singapore...as well as the possibility of hotels offering scholarships.
  3. Apply for STB/MFA/PSC scholarships
  4. Go to the gym once a week (establish the weekly regime)
  5. Reconsider dance classes.
  6. Research dividends. Stamford land, Macquarie, Rotary etc.

i think that's all for now. hopefully i would be able to complete at least half of those that i mentioned. that would certainly be an achievement. HAHA.

alright nxt time i shall write about my dreams and my possible future career paths. 'HOTELS'!