Thursday, June 29, 2006

exams comin up!

gonna take this in my stride...

concentrating on

have grade8 practicals a day b4 common test...which is just great
so i have to memo music history for aurals also...scales are not doing well...sigh

sorry for non-update during this time
will update asap after exams. have a few thots to crear. =D

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


you know...i've been thinking the longest about this matter
about why are there so many different kinds of people? why are there so many complicated emotions and feelings which exist and why do different people behave differently?

for the purpose of this entry i will highlight this category of individuals:
  • weird (not behaving like the rest of the ppl around him)

i should say that there are a hand full of individuals around me who behave differently from the rest of the people. i don't personally call them weird because i feel that they are just different due certain circumstances or reasons.

i deem every individual who come out into this world new (as a baby) of common ground. i draw the parallel between a dough newly knead before it is made into bread as a young-born. As this child is growing up, he goes through different experiences which shape the bread and give it its flavour.

varying experiences include:

  • family upbringing (poor/rich, strict/lenient, single-parent/both-parents)
  • differing peers' behaviours hence shaping one's manner of thinking. (peers differ in behavior also due to family upbringing and they meet finally at school or at a gathering (church etc.) hence affecting one another.)

although we are made of the same dough, some doughs are hard, some are soft, some require extra kneading, some less, implying that because we obtain different genes from our parents, some of us are shorter, taller, naturally on the plump side, hence this upsets the balance of common ground once genes start to take to effect or become more obvious.

This perhaps is another reason why we grow up with differing behaviours as a result of perhaps mental torment (bullying, mocking, verbal abuse). Our dough is shaped by the vastly contrasting experiences and hence we turn out differently.

However, what i am trying to say here is that: some of us call others weird. they seem to keep to themselves, not fit into conversations, remarks which they make seem redundant and out of place...and do other stuff which i cannot think of which make others call these people weird.

some of us dont like these people, others mock at them, talk about them behind their backs.

i feel that everybody grows up differently, and they have a reason behind behaving this way. instead of encouraging them, helping them, we shun them, push them away, into their dark corner.

remember those conversations where 'he' came to sit in your group of friends? trying to catch a word or two and make his contributions to the conversation? he always said something wrong, or out of point, making everyone feel uncomfortable and irritable? when ever there was a game and 'he' participated, he seem to think of those ridiculus methods to get around the game, or try to help but instead made matters worse? dont we start to think 'how do we get rid of such a person?' and we move away from 'him', leaving him all alone.


how is it possible to befriend someone like that? 'he' always puts you in a very difficult position, 'he' always seems to drag you 'reputation down' what if 'he's' someone ppl would call a 'loser'? then again, is it because the friends around you are not 'loser' therefore you are friends with them? meaning if ever they became somewhat an outcast, a 'loser', you'll stop befriending those friends around you? what kind of friend then are you?

there is a boy once who grew up like every other kid in the block, or so everyone thought so. however, his parents brought him up differently. when ever he was allowed to go out, it was only with his parents. when ever he met his friends, his parents would be there to supervise. so he had no friends, because whenever these friends decide to say something or do something together, his parents always seemed to object. life was difficult for him as a child. when he grew up a little into a boy attending school, he lacked the skills of communication with his peers as well as relating to other people. his peers deemed him weird. some of his peers mocked at his behaviour, some even beat him because they couldnt understand the difference in this boy. this boy was a sad sad boy

when he grew up a little more, he entered secondary school. he thought that he could start afresh, start anew since there were nobody who knew him from his old school. however, by then, the boy was very reserved, kept to himself, in fear of ppl mocking at him. every word he said he was cautious, hence he ended up hardly saying anything. when a new classmate decided to ask this boy out, this boy rejected, afraid that someone would find out.

after a while, this boy decided that it was time to get out of his shell for a bit of light. he plonked himself into social circles that have already been strengthened within the first few months. he was too late. everywhere he went he was pushed out of the circles. whenever he managed to catch someone's attention, he would be so overwhelmed that he overwhelmed that someone and left a bad impression. soon, the cycle was completed and his label stuck to him.

2nd time defeated, he sticks his head back into his shell and goes into hiding. everything he does he seem defeated, negative. 'i cannot do it', 'he's better than me', 'why did you suddenly ask me out?' and 'if i suddenly disappeared would anyone notice that? no, of course they wouldnt'.

whose fault is it? his parents? (whose parents brought them up that way?) his peers? society's? his own? whose fault is it?

how can we help such people? how long should we try? what if you try and others dont, hence not improving the situation?

life is difficult to live and think about

we are all made of dough, our doughs are shaped by different hands, and hence our vast contrasting pletora of unique individuals. once the bread is baked, we are more or less permanently that shape, that flavour. if we take a bite out of the bread, leaving a hole, an emptiness, would a different dough fit the hole and still taste the same?

in the same way, if someone's dough had been shaped and baked wrongly, how hard is it to 'unbake' the bread and reshape it? would effort and heart be enough to do it?


another meaningless ranting...oh wells.

Monday, June 19, 2006

ranked #257

you know i've thought and thought about it,
about what kind of blog should i have.
and i realised
i shouldnt be thinking about what to write and be restricted by it
coz then it defeats the purpose of 'so-called freedom' of writing and the purpose and meaning of blogging itself!

so just whack la!

so let me tell you
i play this (points below) game:


Arranged Teams

Wins: 64
Losses: 55

Level 26JiT)wei


Solo Games

Level 18
Rank: Unranked

Wins: 41
Losses: 35

haha this is NOT dota (defence of the ancients)
this is the standard game meaning the first intention of warcraft as a strategy game, like that of Age of Empires and Red Alert2, all war games utilising building of certain buildings which produce a certain type of unit which is built up into a big army. special abilities of some of these units are to cast spells. big army versus big army. i can never tell you what its all about until you actually play it for yourself!

DOTA is a modification of warcraft. creators not belonging to the original creators of warcraft modify the game to make it simpler, 5 heros a side in a 10 player map. much more easy going and less complicated. 5 heros seek to kill 5 opponent heros. the main aim of the game as defined is to reach the opponents base and destroy the main hall located in the heart of the opponents base.

players go around kill lesser units (called creeps) constantly move across the map and level up. cash in the form of gold is earned by killing the creeps and items to enhance the performance of the hero may be bought with this gold earned. heros have different skills and different items work best on different heros. hence the game's diversity.

but i still prefer the standard game as it is more challenging and more professional. players from all over the world compete quite often at international competitions. it requires a lot more patience, strategy, mental strength, experience and micro-management.

my rank is sadly - sad.
but i'll have to stop soon
exams coming up, lots of deadlines to meet

sorry for the bo liao post
look back nxt time
i'll post something about:

my family
my mom
my dad
my grandparents

now i cannot think
been watching chinese serials: 'condor heros' (the one before 'return of the condor heros')

books finished this holiday:

anasi boys
opal deception

Thursday, June 15, 2006


every holiday, its the same
its always
'k i must not waste time, complete work first then play'


'i will finish all my work and then plan to study for exams later'

and we'll wait for 2-3 weeks, then last week panic
all hmwrk not done
all studying not done

and i did remember telling myself and parents that this hols i'll be working harder and finishing all the work...and that this time i wont fall into same thing happening again and now im in the same spot again lol.

so im left with

  • CAS portfolio (whichisalot)
  • History Mock IA (whichisalot)
  • English A1 IOP topic/essay (whichisalot)
  • Econs IA
  • Chinese Hmwrk
  • Extended essay confirm the topic
  • house page for sch mag

some other stuff im not sure, but i sure have to study for upcoming tests, have started already, but slow, and only favourite subjs started, the rest, not gd.

not gd not gd.

alright will come up with more interllectual posts nxt time, just sorta whinning about last minute work that is going to become more real towards start and end of nxt week.

im gonna start. now

GOOD LUCK DRAGONBOATERS for this saturay's races! will be there to watch!

Sunday, June 04, 2006


hmm, maybe this is one of topics which i shouldnt touch
but i shall anyhow

what are parties?
especially to teenagers 16-18?
what does a party mean to you?

occasionally i attend parties which are attended by a large group of ppl, that is, 30 ppl or more.
it is not often that i attend parties since my parents feel it is inappropriate for one my age being a student, to attend so many parties

but on the occasion that i attend a party, there are usually many different kinds of views on the party, the organisation of the party, as well as how 'cool' the party is.
There are instances whereby people would deem the party as 'lame' or 'a waste of time' and leave halfway, even worse, stay till the end and then talk behind the organizers' backs about how lousy the party was.

- just because he/she didnt fit in, or didnt enjoy it enough.
- or perhaps its just because he/she was an organizer and he/she compares this party to that.

people go to parties with an expectation.
what is your expectation of a party?

is it suppose to have loud music blasting away,
people dancing away
drinks passed around freely
what you call a 'cool' party


like those parties we attended when we were younger
where games were organised,
where everyone's participation was ensured and required?


is the party suppose to be for friends who sit around and talk
yet at the same time still enjoying themselves, laughing away?

then people also consider the location where the party is held
is it too out of place?
is it too small, too big?
is the setting lousy?
no classy/'cool' music played?

people DO go for parties with an expectation, a perception of how a party should be carried out
more often than not, a small minority of people go away from these parties with no second thought of attending parties organised by the same person again. no thank you.

for me, i do have an expectation when i attend a party
that is, for everyone to be enjoying themselves
having a good time...after all, we are busy students and we dont usually get time to meet up outside school hours to talk about stuff, play 'bridge' so freely without the fuss of having teachers popping in to collect the cards.

the thing i feel is that we should attend parties with an open mind
not every party is the same, 'cool' or 'not-cool',
its really all about having a great time with friends and perhaps get to know people you dont usually talk to better.
i'm not saying we shouldnt go to parties without an expectation,
but im saying that we should be more open-minded about the whole thing

after all, not everybody is with the same budget
and not everybody has the same perception of how a party should be

=) and enjoy!